Part 1 ~ Somethings Never Change

They say life goes by in the blink of an eye. Never had I really agreed with that statement till this past week. With the return of Marine1 my eight hours of sleep per night ratio has greatly decreased to the point of almost non-existent.

Friday night after work I met up with Vixen and we headed to an early birthday party that was being thrown for Marine1. It was nice to see some friends that I hadn't seen in awhile. Everyone was in a good mood, laughing and having fun. We had just arrived when the boys realized they were in need of more beer. I have just walked thru the door and not had a drink so I offer to make a liquor store run with JC. But. Oh there is always a but. "I'll go but I want to drive your car," I smile to Marine1. He laughs as he pulls the keys out of his pocket and tosses them to me. Everyone in the room stops and stares.

One of his buddies questions, "Your letting her drive your car?"
"She can drive it anytime she wants," Marine 1 states matter of factly.

Hell yeah. lol

JC that went out with us the other night backs it up, "she can drive."
I see the looks on a few faces ~ skeptical, surprised, curious. I mean I'm a five-foot flat, blue eyed, dirty blonde, dressed up and wearing heals. Apparently I do not look like I can handle 690 horsepower. Hah. I climb behind the wheel sliding the seat all the way up. Yeah for me to push the clutch in I have to sit on the steering wheel, only minor drawback. JC gets in the passenger seat closes the door. I shift into reverse at the same time there is a knock on the window. PL stands there grinning asking if he can go. JC gets out and lets him crawl into the back and we are off. It was a quick trip. One minor wrong turn, at times like that I'm reminded it's not about the destination, it's about the ride.

The evening progressed; the candles were lit on the cupcakes and we sang happy birthday ~ and it wouldn't be a birthday without someone getting cake smashed in their face.

Vivi left early with a headache and Vixen and I easily lost track of time. When we were ready to go Marine1 says he is going with us. Ok that's fine he can crash on the couch. Three of his/our friends want to come to. What the heck. I climb in the 4runner, PL claims the passenger seat and Vixen and 2 of the boys climb in the back. No Marine1. We wait.... we wait..... not sure really what happened. But we left minus Marine1. So me, Vixen and 3 of our GuyFriends. We sing along with the radio and laugh. PL tries to have some conversation with me but its to late (or early) and I am just concentrating on getting us home.

We arrive at the house it's past 3. Vivi is asleep. "E snores she's not sleeping with us." Vixen states.

I don't argue as I head to the spare bedroom to blow up the air mattress. Vixen says one of the boys can sleep with her and Vivi ~ The other two can share the air mattress with me.... DMOF (will explain this choice of name later) is the chosen one and he and Vixen cross the hall to her bedroom. JC, PL and I finish blowing up the air mattress. I'm told that I have to sleep in the middle.

They have both had a good bit to drink so I expect them to pass out quickly. I lay there almost asleep when I feel a hand start rubbing my arm. It is PL. I have not hung out with PL in many years. I would like to say that his dark brown eyes no longer intrigue me, but that would be a lie. I push his hand away but as I do his fingers tighten around mine. I try to pull my hand back but he holds on tight. I know better. I should have gotten up and ran. Left the comfy air mattress and headed for the couch. But no stupid, stupid-nice-to-have-your-hand-held me lays there and drifts off to sleep. I awake in what seems like only a few minutes. Instead of holding my hand PL now has his arm around me. I realize JC is MIA. Apparently he couldn't handle the snoring and left for the couch.

Easily I try to scoot out from under PL's arm to the safety of the open space. No such luck. The attempted escape awakens him. He tries to pull me close but I pull away. In a surprise move since I won't come to him he comes to me. He wraps his arms around me and kisses me on the forehead. As I push slightly he moves back to his side and leaves me on mine. Maybe I should mention here PL has a on/off again girlfriend. I don't know if they are on or off either way I'm not that kinda girl. And he is not that type of guy. We have both had drinks but that is no excuse. So in the dark we lay there and talk. Somewhere in the conversation we both drifted off.

The last time I looked at the clock it was 5:50.... the alarm was set for 6:45. Needless to say as I dragged into work Saturday morning I was not feeling so much like my normal cheery-morning self.

Oh PL what a flashback. PL, like Big and X, is a guy that will always hold a piece of my heart. One that I never got back. Nor did I want it back. As we lay there and talked about old times. Old dates. It was funny to see how things have changed, yet no matter how much things change ~ somethings will never change.

To be continued....

"You know what the craziest thing is? I actually thought after everything I've been through, I might end up with my high school boyfriend. Yeah, I don't think my story's gonna get tied up like that."

~ Carrie, SATC ~

The Last Night

Sunday was spent packing, moving boxes ~and you guessed it ~ more packing! Yes after much procrastinating I am getting all my stuff out of the house. As I walked thru the house my footsteps echoing from the emptiness, I couldn't help recall the happy memories X and I had shared in our first home. But also to easily recalled the bad moments to as my eyes came upon a hole in the wall, a mishap from a drunken X falling against a piece of furniture. A hole he had promised to fix but nearly a year later the hole remains, perhaps significant of the hole that was also in our relationship that he never got around to repairing either. Yep slightly ironic I guess.

After several trips only a few stray boxes littered the floor. The house was empty of all personal items the only thing remaining was the appliances, the borrowed kitchen table, the futon, the coffee table, the small TV from the bedroom, and the stereo. Nearly done Vivi and I decide it was time for a much needed food break. On our trip to town we reminisce about our fun nights over the previous seven months in the house. We can't go out like this, we decide. It's just not right. We have to have one last in the house..... I mean heck might as well try to finish off some of the stuff in the liquor cabinet that has acquired over the past months. We weigh our options: Vodka, Cruzan Raspberry Rum, Cruzan Mango Rum, Malibu Coconut Rum, Malibu Passion Fruit Rum, Crown, and 2 bottles of wine. Did I mention I can make some kick ass mixed drinks with Rum?

We pick our poison and figure Vodka is the way to go. Vivi calls Vixen who quickly agrees to the proposed drunken stooper. We hit the store in search of something to mix with the Vodka and stumble upon Strawberry-Kiwi juice. Why we thought this was a good idea I'll never know. But with the Blender lost somewhere in box land there would be no frozen drinks in our future.

We arrive back at the house to find Vixen with a devilish grin on her face as she produces the infamous red cups. I shake my head knowing I'm in for a long night. Now think - we spent all day moving everything out of the house only to then move back blankets and pillows and the items I would need to get ready the next morning.

As I mixed the first round of potion Vivi and Vixen set up the table for beer pong. Don't know why but we've been on a kick lately..... yes while at the store we bought ping pong balls. The stereo is turned on and we laugh as we go thru old Cd's listening to songs I hadn't heard since High School. As we play the game it is apparent we are on a mission and that mission is to say good bye to the house with a night we may not remember. At one point some of the concoction spills on my always mopped floor and I don't even flinch. Normally the clean freak in me would have been all over that with the swifter mop all ready out. But somehow I have come to grasp it's no longer my house and don't feel the urge to try and keep it perfect.

The conversations are interesting as we discuss our choices in men. In that we all have a pattern of dating the wrong guys. Why is that? Why do we go for the guys with the asshole attitudes? Why do we go for the guys we know will break our hearts? I mean I'll admit even though I myself have always been viewed by others as the 'good girl', I always date the guys that have a reputation for being a little bit trouble (maybe that's the right word?). I like the type of guy who is a little ruff around the edges and not afraid to get his hands dirty, but at the same time can clean up and look nice to...... Heck PL, X, and Big can all fall into this pattern - even Fire Guy for that matter. Perhaps I need to break the pattern...... but some habits are hard to break.

The games go by quickly and before I know it I'm stumbling as I lay the futon out. Vivi places the air mattress also in the living room and we blow it up laughing all the while at each other. It's after midnight, the vodka is gone and so is one bottle of rum (just to point out they were not full bottles to start with) and my head is spinning. I quickly fall asleep and have that great sleep you can only have when you have reached a certain level ~ you know that peaceful, dreamless sleep.

All to soon my alarm sounds. My head pounds as I switch it off and head for the bathroom. Yeah I had to be at work this morning..... Vivi and Vixen had off. I now see the error of this late thought out plan. And for all you math people beer pong - beer + vodka = bad idea. Why it ever sounded like a good idea I may never know. I'll chalk it up to adrenaline rush euphoria excitement.

My head pounded, the room was spinning, and my stomach churned as I attempted my morning routine. I contemplated calling in sick. Something I have never done when hung over because honestly I really don't drink that much (at least to the point I feel this bad the next day). This morning calling in sick was definitely an option. But I sucked it up and headed for work stopping at the gas station for my normal cure all of pretzels and Dr Pepper. Last night it was fun to be young and carefree. It was great to be with two of my best friends. I don't remember the last time I truly laughed that much. The last night in the house. I may not remember all the moments but I will never forget the laughter. It's always good to end things on a good note.

"Were we all, in fact, just dating the same person over and over again?"

~ Carrie, SATC ~

A Blessing or A Curse

This morning I awoke with the feeling today would be a good day. Why? I don't know just that feeling you get that things are bound to go your way. I mean think we can all agree luck has not been on my side recently.... But I'm still waiting for that to change at any time. After showering I pull on a black tank top then slip on my cute Express crop top sweater and favorite jeans. Everyone has that one outfit that flatters them and even though this sweater is not really my color, it matched with a shirt underneath and black heals always makes me feel attractive. I guess cause I'm short I like it cause it makes my torso appear slightly longer and makes me look slim. And no matter how skinny you are sometimes it's nice to accent those curves. So I leave the house feeling good. Work goes well, kinda slow but seeing as it was Friday everyone was in good spirits.


This afternoon Giggles had a meeting with Fire Guy's step-mom (here on out referred to as Fire Mom) and before hand she tells me she is going to bring up Fire Guy and see if she can find out what happened. I tell her not to but all the while I know that no matter what I say she is still going to do it. Well not only did she having a meeting but an important folder was causally left at my office so that I had to bring it to this meeting. I walk in the door and all eyes are on me. Giggles eyes dance as Fire Mom says "Oh we were just talking about you!" I smile and flush while stammering the usual "Hope it was good" line. So I end up here for longer than planned talking with Fire Mom, her asking about my life and saying how when it warms up we need to go riding horses. No matter what I just love Fire Mom she is seriously probably one of the nicest people I have ever met! She is definitely in the top five! I say my goodbyes and exit feeling slightly flustered. I hurry home to feed Hyper and the horses then head back to town for diner with Babbles and her husband.


Now I broach the topic: why is it before you date someone you never run into them? But as soon as you stop dating you see this person everywhere?! I mean really is that like Mother Nature trying to be a bitch or something? I agree with a Miranda (SATC) quote I posted awhile back, "I'm more like... we didn't work out. You need to not exist." But oh no that's not the case with me... it seems like every week I run into Fire Guy somewhere! Before we 'hung-out/dated/what-ever-you-call-it' I never ran into him, now it's as if he's everywhere. And it's not like I'm going to new places, I mean I'm pretty much a creature of habit. So on the way to diner why am I not surprised when Babbles sends me a text saying that Fire Guy is at the restaurant with a friend. I mean of course he is that is how my "luck" tends to go. And I hate myself for still slightly crushing on him. But I walk in as if I own the place, always good to appear confidant. Sportsbar is packed, I deposit my purse and jacket at the table Babbles and her husband have claimed and go to make my rounds. Hugging friends and saying hellos. I stop at the booth Fire Guy and his friend occupy both of them smiling in greeting. We exchange hello's and small talk and I quickly excuse myself, not wanting to overstay my welcome, and rejoin Babbles who is grinning like a fool. I swear sometimes they make me feel like we have been transported back to high school and Fire Guy is the cute quarterback who all my friends want to set me up with. But like high school that never really worked. The more you press someone, or appear obvious - the chances of it actually working decrease. You know I'm right. Sucks but that seems to be part of the game. Some unforeseen rule.

So we eat diner, Fire Guy and his friend leave before we do and he stops to say good bye. Also as we are eating some of X's friends come in and I silently hope that he to does not walk thru the door as well. Guess Mother Nature decided to give me a break on that one. At least she can be kind at times.

After I leave I return a missed call to Giggles who informs me that yes she did talk about me with Fire Mom. And Giggles being blunt told Fire Mom that she needed to put in a good word for me and that all my friends really liked him and thought we were a good match. Really my friends have good intentions, at least that's what I tell myself. Giggles said at this point Fire Mom started singing my praises saying that they just loved me and she had told him that he needed to hold on to me, that I was a great girl and basically I was their favorite of any girl he has brought home thus far. Yeah no pressure.... She then proceeds to tell Giggles that he went on a date with some girl from out of town and that they did not care for her and that she was not nearly as friendly as me, yadda yadda yadda.

Interpretation Fire Mom expressed to Fire Guy that they really liked me which in turn probably freaked Fire Guy out because I clearly expressed I was not looking for a relationship and here they are saying basically we need to be in a relationship. That topped with the fact he knew I was still slightly hung up on X..... oh yeah that should have been enough to send the boy running. Like how I justify things to myself?! I'm a pro at that! So one step at a time. Maybe we'll date again in the future, if not at least I've gained a new friend. And I know that if I ever needed Fire Guy he would be there. He passes my "If I were broke down on the side of the road would he come get me" test. Yeah that is how I rate my guy friends. Some friends you know would come get you no questions asked; while others are not so dependable. Yeah I think Fire Guy would at least fall into the first category.

For some reason I am always GREAT with the families. Maybe that is how I will know when I have met "the one".... his family won't like me. lol I mean PL (my first major boyfriend) his mom kept in touch with me for years, and I only really lost contact with her when I became engaged to X. Still though if I see her out she stops me and wants to talk. And X well I guess my theory with him is you divorce spouses not family seeing as I still talk to his brother and his aunt. And from the conversation today it appears that I will be riding with horses with Fire Mom and Sis come spring (which I really like both so could be fun but still). Maybe it's a curse? Or a blessing? Maybe I'm just to like-able :)

Nick, "Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Close... your... eyes. You're safe. You can relax. I'm not going to kiss you. He's gonna be so sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past. Forget the pain. And remember what an incredible woman you are. You do that and he'll realize what he lost."

Kat, "Holy crap. You're worth every penny."

~ The Wedding Date ~

Spirits of Relatonships past

"When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?" ~ Carrie SATC

Interesting question. Makes you think doesn't it? Makes you stop and think about those ghosts in the closet. Do we ever really give them up? Apparently I do not. I have dated more than my share of guys but only three that I would label with the term 'relationship'. Is that sad? On second thought to answer that question - no, not considering I dated one of those for over 7 years.

Anyway yes, I guess I have been haunted by relationships past. Like for years I always felt bad about my first, what I would call real, relationship. I will call him PL because he was my first puppy love. PL was a great guy. Sweet, charming, and worshiped the ground I walked on. I mean really at 16 what more could a girl have wanted? Did I mention he was cute? Well he was cute, hell I woulda considered him outta my league but yet he was mine for over a year. And then I broke his heart. I always felt bad about that. This ghost haunted me up until Halloween when I was 21 (?) maybe 22 (?). Don't remember how old I was but I do know I was old enough to drink cause I was in a bar and to intoxicated to drive. PL was there and he had also had to much to drink but our mutual friend (his driver) had not and they offered to give me a ride home as well. Anyway long story short we stopped at the gas station and while friend was out of the truck PL tried to kiss me. I was drunk but not that drunk and I was in dire need to get things off my chest. I had felt bad for so long about the way I had treated him. So I delivered my drunken apology. He listened and then thanked me and told me it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to him. Did I let him kiss me? No, some roads do not need to be traveled back down ~ definitely no drinking and driving, so to speak. But I did let him hug me good night and walk me to the door. I still see PL from time to time but now I talk to him with no regrets about the past. With that apology I was free. But his ghost has always been with me reminding me to think before I jump.

And the ghost of Big.... well.... we can see he is still haunting me. And X I'd say will also haunt me for years to come. But maybe that's a good thing. I think the ghost is there as a reminder and helps you to become a better person within a relationship. So I think I will be forever haunted by those ghost but after contemplating it I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing.....