Laugh Out Loud Convo's Part Duex

** Text Conversation between Punk-Rock-Chick and myself about having kids **

Punk Rock Chick: Well u are almost to 50 so yeah... you might want to start. LOL jk

Me: lol I know! I'm getting old! :(

Punk Rock Chick: Hahaha! Ur not! Marine will keep you young! LOL u look younger than him anyway.

Me: True I told him I'm staying 26 till he catches up! He'll be 24 in October! 24!!! I'm bout to be 28! I told him kids before 32 and possibly start trying by 30.

Punk Rock Chick: Haha U got that down pack

Me: yep lol probably not though got to wait till we can afford them which will be never or when hell freezes over.... which ever comes first! lol

Punk Rock Chick: I'll make a call downstairs real quick. They know me.

The Knitty Gritty Wedding Dish

Lately my life has mainly consisted of wedding and deployment...... and the many things I throw in there to try and distract myself from the later. During this I have tried to blog about other things because lets face it at this point I'm not sure who's more ready for this deployment to be over --- me or you.

Who am I kidding you only have to hear about it, so therefor I automatically win on the "who's ready for to be over worse" front.

Anyway, moving on ------> it was pointed out to me that in my trying not to bore you I completely forgot to give you an update on bridesmaids and wedding issues.

I received enthusiastic phone calls and texts saying yes - others laughing at me as they said yes....

So the final lineup is: Marine-Sis, Vixen, Blondie, Nurse Betty, Hollywood, Babbles, LC and then Giggles as my Matron of Honor.

And Red and Punk-Rock-Chick (if she can make it, she lives out of state now....) are going to keep my guestbook - I need two people because of the wonderful idea I had awhile back.

Also since my last wedding update Blondie has moved her date from the Saturday before to two Saturdays before so there will be one weekend between the two weddings. Needless to say I'm not much bothered by this but the friends are not happy. And I can't really blame them we had agreed on no more back to back weddings. With that said we did it once, we can do it again!

I'm trying to stay positive on the matter.

I have decided to make a few changes though. When I sent out my bridesmaid email I included pictures of the two dresses I was planning on using.

Blondie picked the same dress for her wedding.

She is using purple.

I'm using black.

I know they will look different but I really do not want to use the same dresses. I mean the majority of the guests will be the same at both weddings.

Blondie asked if I mind and I don't want to hurt her feelings but I want to be nice at the same time so I kinda sidestep the question by responding, "I just don't want our weddings to look exactly alike. If they were months apart I wouldn't worry about it, but being so close together I just don't want things to be identical."

Her wedding is going to be first so this is a concept lost on her as she points out again that even though its the same dress they are going to be different colors.

I once again take a deep breath and tell myself that 10 years from now this won't matter.

Which basically boils down to that I'm spineless and I agreed.

I don't want to hurt her feelings and I want her wedding day to be perfect for her and as a friend sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Did I mention she wants me to be her maid of honor?

So its back to the drawing board. I've about decided to just say the heck with it and let everyone pick out their own dresses. As long as its black and knee length what does it matter.

I have so many other more important things going on right now I really don't care about bridesmaids dresses!! Is that bad? I just want Marine to make it home safe. Once he does then I'll worry about bridesmaids dresses and everything being just so.

Location update: I have (and have had for sometime) a location. But there is another location that I really want!!!!!!!!!!! I'll call it the dream location because it is perfect in every way.

Problem is that it is under foreclosure.

The bank has said to contact them in December and that they may possibly work with me. We'll see.

Its an equestrian farm that has a large banquet area - see I told you it's perfect! Marine and I are horse people so our perfect location would be something that included that aspect of our life. So we shall see.

If it doesn't work out it's ok we have another place lined up. But in reality I just don't feel it. You know that "this is the place" type feeling..... So we shall see.

I have everything else lined up; DJ, Photographer, Caterer, Honeymoon (so super excited! Also main reason we booked so early is because we got a fantastic deal!).

Everything else I have picked out it just needs to be assembled; centerpieces, invitations, programs.

The only thing I don't have is favors but I have a few ideas there so I'm not worried.

In life nothing is ever perfect, but sometimes imperfect can be perfect. Years from now I'm not going to look back and remember the dresses that my bridesmaids wore, I'm going to think back and remember that wonderful feeling - the giddiness excitement of marrying the man of my dreams.

I'm also going to remember the look on Marine's face when he sees me riding up on Horse in my beautiful wedding dress......

Yeah that's going to be a surprise for him..... I'll tell you that funny story later.

"Sometimes things have to be a little imperfect for them to be perfect."

~ E. ~

Training Wheels

Friday after work Marine and I went out to the barn to feed horses and for him to meet my mom. It went good, I think she liked him. ~~ Taking him home to meet my mom was a big deal for me. I never take guys home to meet the family. Usually I think 'we'll this isn't going to last long no since introducing him.' I like to keep aspects of my life separate, I guess no use complicating things. But seeing as I have met his family numerous times I felt it was time to let him meet my mom..... well that and my mom had been driving me crazy about meeting him. She has heard so many good things about him, but being mom I know she is skeptical at my first (post) relationship attempt. Kinda like as a child when they take the training wheels off the bike, they hope it works but they stand close by waiting in case you fall. Prepared for if you fall to pick you up and become the boo boo fixer.

Later Friday night we went out for a mutual friends birthday. I stood at the bar talking with Vixen, Punk-Rock-Chick and Alice while Marine talked with the guys. Did I mention Punk-Rock-Chick called off her wedding??! I hate to say it but I was relieved. I love her and I want her to be happy but her fiance had/has a lot of growing up to do and is no way ready to take on grown-up responsibilities. Which sucks. But she is doing ok, actually she is handling it surprisingly well.

So the night goes ok despite the fact some of the other guys girlfriends who are there that are just not nice. You know the type I'm talking about ~ Miss Fake Boobs Bitchy Nice. But oh well me and my girls get along with pretty much everybody, just screen what we say a tad more.

Half way thru the night Birthday Boy comes up and tells me that he told Marine that he needs to marry me. Being the light weight I am I have had approximately two rum runners and feeling a buzz, my mouth drops. "No you didn't?!" Why this makes me feel panic I'm not sure. I hear the word marriage and my first instinct is to turn and run.

"Hell yeah I did. I told him he needs to marry you."

"Why did you say that?"

"Cause you are a great girl and you are perfect for each other."

"It's way to soon to think about that," I reply finally feeling my racing heart start to slow.

He shrugs his shoulders as he brings his beer bottle up to his lips and takes a quick sip, "You wait and see," He puts an arm around me, "Your going to marry him." He squeezes me and with a final pat on the back he leaves me standing there speechless as Marine approaches smiling. The live band is now playing a slow song and he asks if I want to dance. I smile as he takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. We dance. I love to slow dance!

Saturday night everyone got together to go to diner. It was great Giggles Fiance and Marine hit it off, which was great (and I knew they would). After diner the large group of us headed for Hooters to watch the UFC fight. It was nice for everyone to get together and I was glad everyone liked Marine. But I swear if one more of them tell me he is the one! lol On a bathroom trip Giggles tells me they have all talked about it and have decided he is the one for me. Blondie enthusiastically agrees. And I hear later in the night that his friends that were in attendance told him the same thing. We both kinda laugh about it and then I change the subject.

Sunday was a long day. Marine received a call early Saturday morning saying that his great Grandma had passed away in her sleep. The funeral was to be Sunday in the town she lived in about an hour away. Marine told me he would like me to go with him so I did. We arrived at the funeral home around 9:30 and didn't leave till little after 1. Made for a long day. I met all his Mom's side of the family and they were all very nice just hated to meet some of them for the first time at a funeral.

Overall it was a great weekend. I was sad to see him leave. But he will be back late Friday.

Never enough hours in the day it seems.

Keeps Getting Better

Marine arrived at the house shortly after midnight. I stood on the front porch with Blondie's BF and VB as I saw the car lights turning into the driveway. I mustered all the self control I had to not go running like the true idiot I can be. Instead I just walked rather quickly to the car. I reached the car as he was getting out. Like a cheesy romantic comedy (cause lets face it no matter what my life seems to always be part comedy) our eyes locked and the rest of the world seemed to disappear. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me up into a hug and spun me around. I hugged him tight our cheeks pressed together, my chin resting lightly on his shoulder as he spoke into my hair.

I was aware of the presence of VB and Blondie's BF behind us finally having also made their way down the driveway. He lowered me but intertwined his fingers thru mine as he extended his other to shake hands with both guys. We made our way to the house where Blondie and Vixen greeted him (the others had left a few hours before, as we get older our get togethers seem to end earlier and earlier). VB mixed Marine a drink and we all sat on the porch visiting in the cool summer night. He was here! Actually here and I didn't want to let go of him for fear he would *poof* disappear. He must have felt the same way as he slipped an arm around my waist. We stayed on the porch visiting about 30 minutes before everyone said they were ready for bed.

Marine and I headed down the stairs to my new room. We brushed our teeth and he told me bout the 8 drive while I washed my face.

Things are just so comfortable. Blondie asked if I was nervous about him coming to spend the weekend with me and with all honesty I could tell her no. Like he said one night on the phone, since we are long distance all we can do is talk therefor we seem to know a lot more about each other. More so than if he was living close by and we were just going out on dates. Because yes we would talk but probably not as much as we have been.

Perfect! That is really the only way to describe the weekend.

Saturday morning we woke up about 7:30 (and I admit like a kid on Christmas morning I was to excited to go back to sleep) we laid in bed another hour then headed upstairs. I opened the fridge and retrieved the carton of eggs and there in the kitchen in our pajama's we cracked eggs in preparation of making breakfast for everyone. We talked and laughed as I placed the biscuits on the cookie sheet and he mixed salt and pepper into the eggs. Thirty minutes later the two of us were joined by Vixen and VB. The four of us sat on the front porch and enjoyed our simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and biscuits.

After breakfast Marine and I quickly got ready and left the house trying to fit in all that we had planned for the day. First we stopped and picked up his German Shepard and then headed to a near by state park. We live in such a beautiful area with so many natural wonders that don't take the time to enjoy. So Marine and I have decided each time he comes home we are going to try and visit a different place. For this weekend we decided to hike at the national park up to the waterfalls.

It was hot, humid, and let's try to pretend that I didn't sweat but instead glistened. Reality --> I was sweating like a whore in church it was so hot. Other than that though it was a blast!! So much fun and oh so beautiful! It was a beautiful summer day, the sun shinning overhead and an occasional cool breeze blowing thru just to tease us.

Upon leaving the park we stopped to grab a quick late lunch and headed to the house to shower and get ready for the evening. I had Punk-Rock-Chick's lingerie shower/brown bag party to attend at 6. Then after that diner with the family.

We ended up taking a little to much time for personal matters which left us running late and me applying makeup in the car (something I have surprisingly never done before I don't think). We pulled into the apartment complex right at 6 with a quick kiss I bail out of the car as he calls for me to have fun and he'll be back in an hour.

I walk in and quickly hug and greet Blondie, Punk-Rock-Chick, Alice, Hollywood, and Babbles.

"You colored!" Hollywood exclaims.

"What?" I look at her surprised.

"She so colored!" Blondie says as if I'm not standing there.

"You are glowing! I mean look at your smile. You are the worst liar ever!!" Babbles laughs.

Alice giggles getting to the point, "So did you color outside the lines?"

"Come on dish!" Punk-Rock-Chick plops down in a chair.

"She is so falling for this guy!"

"Yep she has that bitten by the love bug look."

The statements have all come at once, overlapping and now all eyes are on me. They all grow silent waiting for me to respond. But like lions playing with their food before they eat it. I can't deny it.. So I laugh. "ok ok maybe I colored!"

The room erupts in laughs and I knew it's. I'm hoping that I can be out of the spotlight but as the brown bag (aka adult toy) party starts I realize that I will be the brunt of the jokes for the night. Oh yes each product or item gets a comment and a laugh from the peanut gallery. My face turns red but I still laugh.

I had excused myself to go to the bathroom and I hear a knock on the door. Marine has arrived to pick me up and has probably called my phone which was abandoned on the kitchen table after being put on silent...... oh well he deserves to be embarrassed to. I come into the room to all my friends talking to him. The ones that know him introducing him to the ones that don't. I give Punk-Rock-Chick a hug and go to leave. He turns his back and all my friends start giving me signals (thumbs up, huge smiles, etc) to display their approval.

Once in the car:

Marine, "So have fun."

Me with a laugh, "Yeah."
Marine, "What do you have in your hand?"

Did I forget to mention I won the games? (I stress gamessss) Not one but two. Both games I won. And as the winner I received "prizes". At which all my friends shriek and jeer about saying that I can use them this weekend.

Oh yeah. Maybe one day I will not get embarrassed quite so easily.......... but I doubt that will be anytime soon.

Story to Be Continued

Robin, "I still say this is stupid. What happened to, "As we mature, the relationship matures with us?""

Marshall, "That's just something Lily read in Psychology Today. Alright, she read it in Cosmo. Alright, I read it in Cosmo. Alright, it was CosmoGirl!"

~ How I Met Your Mother ~

Wedding Weekend

Saturday morning text to Vixen,

"so I don't need to go anywhere without you anymore. I drank a bottle of rum last night. A bottle!!! Well 80% of one, and I made out with a groomsman! Wait it gets better. Not just any groomsman..... ____!! I don't need to drink anymore but in my defense it was not my fault! I was talking and he just leaned over and kissed me. I was just so excited that someone wanted to kiss me even though got the braces! "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After getting home late Thursday (from probably the best concert I have been to all year) the Friday morning alarm sounded a little to early. My headed pounded in protest as I rolled out of bed and headed in search of caffeine.

I grab a Dr Pepper and sit down closing my eyes willing the pounding to go away. My phone goes off. My eyes still closed I reach for it and half crack one eye to read the new message, "Can you meet us at 1 instead?"

Crap!! Like a cartoon character my eyes bug out as I realize I have just lost about an hour and half off of my already tight schedule. Feeling there is no other choice I type back 'yes' as I race for the shower.

It was Friday. Friday of Alice's wedding weekend. Out of town wedding weekend, I might add. Originally she had asked me to be a bridesmaid, but lets face it I really don't have the extra $200 to shell out for a dress I will wear once. Already having 7 bridesmaids she understood but asked if I would still come down for the whole weekend as if I were one. I had agreed.

But not really knowing the grooms family that well I hated to seem like a party crasher of the rehearsal and rehearsal diner. So a few weeks ago when one of the groomsman (and one of my guy friends) asked if I had a date for the wedding. I told him no. With a laugh he said he didn't either and suggested we be each others dates. I agreed. Problem solved. I now had my ticket to sit at the wedding party table, etc.

Originally I was going to ride down with one of the bridesmaids I didn't know and Punk-Rock-Chick. But then bridesmaid's boyfriend and sister decided to ride down with them leaving no room for me. Oh well. No problem. I call my WD (wedding date ~ and perhaps I should stress here we are just friends) to see if there is room for me ride down with him. He tells me sure it is him and three of the other groomsman but that there is plenty of room in the Tahoe for me. He then tells me to meet GM1 (I'll just start numbering them ~ there is 7 of them so its not like your going to keep them straight anyway) and ride south with him and the others who are meeting him at his work.


So in my post concert daze I hurriedly throw clothes into a suitcase. Did I pay attention to what I was packing? Not really. I figured as long as I had my two dresses (one for rehearsal, one for wedding), makeup, straightener, and hair dryer I would be ok and that the other clothes didn't really matter.


Now to complete my to do list before meeting the boys......

A few short hours later I pulled into Punk-Rock-Chick's apartment complex doing mach 90. I hand her my two dresses (she had offered to put them in her garment bag so they wouldn't get wrinkled), and dashed with my suitcase and bottle of rum to GM1's car. I toss the suitcase in the trunk and hop in the backseat.... Instead of just two GM's in the car there is a third guy whom I do not really know. The math going thru my head is there are 4 of us and we are picking up 2 more people...... hhhmmmm....

Oh well.

The end result being that it was me and three guys crammed in the backseat of the Tahoe. What happened to the third row seating you may ask? It was laid down cause the back was full of Golf clubs and suitcases. The result of the car ride being that I have decided next wedding I am I want to be a groomsman. Screw being a bridesmaid!!

So in reality there really wasn't enough room for me to ride with them. They were all very good sports though and welcomed me, not complaining once about how cramped we were in the back seat. The three hour ride was funny to say the least. It also gave me time to come up with the Date Report Card. WD on the way down was talking about an out town bridesmaid who he had seen pictures of and thought was cute. Of course I tell him that hitting on another girl while on a date with me will make him lose a Date Point. It was all in good fun and we all laugh as the guys agree to help me judge WD.

Now lets fastforward --> --> --> we beat Punk-Rock-Chick to lodge, she has my dress, they are running late, so have to wear capris and t-shit to rehearsal instead of cute dress. Sigh, oh well --> --> --> rehearsal = good --> --> --> rehearsal diner = great food, bartender messed up my drink so got it free (tipped her still cause was made stout and started out the night well) --> --> --> back to lodge.

At the lodge we all head out back by the lake where the reception is going to be. The docks and lawn are full of the Bride and Groom's family and friends (Bridesmaids, Groomsmans). Then one of the Groom's friends arrive with a keg.


I stick to my rum though and share with some of the brides cousins as every one lounges around enjoying the cool night air. But as the sun goes down the noise level rises. The next thing I know there are people doing Keg stands and I'm not just talking about the young people! I saw several uncles as well as the brides father do a keg stand. This weekend was starting to shape into a more fun one that I had anticipated.


Having been in a serious relationship since I was 18 I never really had that keg-stand-party-college-experience. But as I had people trying to talk me into doing a keg stand I had a feeling this is what college may have been like had I been single.


So yeah I ended up doing my first keg stand. But me being me I sat back nonchalantly watching other guys and girls go keeping up with the final count each girl had. I mean after all if I was going to do this I was going to be the best. Yes, everything is a competition.

Finally I let GB (grooms brother) drag me by the hand toward the keg. And yes I ended up being the girl champion while GB was the guy champ. Meanwhile WD is flirting up the out of town bridesmaid who is really fun and I had instantly hit it off with. So as WD spit his game we all sat back laughing and taking bets as if it would work or not. During this one of the guys walks up behind GB (who is in a chair directly across from me) and makes hand motions toward me and GB. I get the gist and smile and shake my head no. He shakes his head yes and walks off.


Bride's cousin brings me another drink and at this point I realize I have had way to much (as in over 75% of the bottle). The crowd is thinning and I find myself and GB swinging on the swing as a few other stragglers hang around. I say I have to go up to the lodge to the bathroom. GB says he will walk with me so he can get a dry shirt. Earlier in the night WD was pushed/fell (still up for debate) in the lake when he did he grabbed for GB to pull him in to but GB leaned back and let WD go in alone but in the process WD pulled GB's shirt over his head and into the lake to.


We walked up to the lodge talking but I could not tell you about what. We entered the building and I headed for the restroom. In my drunken haze I figured I would come out and he would be gone. So imagine my surprise as I came out of the bathroom to see him leaning against the opposite wall waiting on me.

And lets just say GB is pretty good looking and with his shirt off he is cut in all the right places.

He said something about me going with him to get a dry shirt and I followed him to the elevator. At this point the rum and beer is in full effect and as Girlfriend says I had hit "the fun part". We ride the elevator up to the top floor and exit. He glances both ways trying to remember where the room is. I follow him but as he slides his key in and goes inside I wander down the hall and stand to gaze out the window. The door had been left ajar so I could enter behind him but with everyone being downstairs I knew if someone came up and I was in the room it would not look good and assumptions would be made. Yeah even drunk I worry about what others think.

I heard him come up behind me and I turned around so that I was sitting on the ledge. He said something and I said something.... I can't recall what...... then I am looking at him talking and I see him lean forward. I keep talking as he leans further forward my brain not comprehending what is about to happen. Then his lips softly touch mine.

At this point the fact I am standing in the hallway making out with the Grooms Brother does not cross my mind. All I can think is that even with my braces he kissed me!! (Yes, since the accident the braces have made me feel a little self concious, perhaps because they make me look 17). And yeah I pulled away and started rambling about the fact and wanted him to confirm that he wanted to kiss me despite the braces. Yes I am a true dork who when drinking really says EVERYTHING that comes to mind.


He laughs and says yes. He leans in to kiss me again and I hear footsteps coming down the hall and we pull apart. GB is pretty solid and blocks me but I see past him that it is a drunk Uncle wandering up to his room. Busted. Oh well say he has had as much to drink as us and won't remember.....


I tell him we need to go back outside. He takes my hand and as we enter the elevator he leans down to kiss me again.


If you can't tell I love to kiss! I think there is nothing better than to be kissed. Especially when I have been drinking, cause then I have more courage. hehe.

We exit the lodge and head back for the swing. Everyone is gone. The place is cleared out..... How long were we gone? How did we miss the other groomsmen if they had headed back up to the room?


We walk out onto the dock and sit down our legs hanging over the side. We lay backwards, our feet dangling looking up at the stars. It's one of those moments the hopeless romantic within (if she still existed) would have loved. It was so peaceful. Then he leaned over and kissed me again.





The night air was growing cold and before long we headed back for the lodge. The elevator stopped on my floor and I exited it, my knees slightly weak from the rum or the kiss I'm not real sure. I exit the elevator and turn to tell him good night. Before I can walk off he has stepped off the elevator and pulled me close for one last kiss. He smiles as he backs back into the elevator and as I watch him go I think how good looking he is and that just once it might be ok to not be the good girl. I shake the thought from my head and turn in the direction of my room.






I am in the easiest room number ever 222. Really how hard is that to remember? Its not hard to remember.... just hard to find. The lodge has some kind of effed up numbering system! I find 221... next to it 217 I turn in a circle.... no 222. Shit.






GB is gone and I am standing in the hallway lost. Maybe I should have let him walk me to my room..... But lets face it I like to keep my secrets. I pull out the Blackberry and call Girlfriend who I was supposed to call to let me in the room anyway since I had given her my key hours earlier.





Girlfriend: "Hello?"


Me giggling: "I can't find the room!"




Girlfriend: "222."





Me: "I know I'm in front of 221, I don't see 222."





I hear a door open and GirlFriend pokes her head out laughing despite the early hour, "Get your drunk ass in here."





I stumble in, "Have you seen BB (bridesbrother/girlfriends bff who is sharing the room with us and Punk-Rock-Chick)?"





Me: "No."





GirlFriend giving me a look, "It's 4:30 where have you been?"





Me sliding on my PJ's, "Out on the dock......"

Hey it wasn't a lie.

To be continued

"He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress: you know it's not your style but it's right there, so you try it on anyway."

~ Carrie, SATC ~

It's Time To Go

Last night I was looking forward to coming home and going to bed early. The late nights starting to catch up with me I was in dire need of a good nights sleep. Punk-Rock-Chick calls having BF issues and asks me if I will meet up with her for dinner and a beer. Ok it's 8 o'clock and having being used to going none stop my adrenaline is still pretty hi. I quickly shed my comfy sweats and pull on jeans and a t-shirt and am out the door in five minutes. As we sit at the table I sip on my beer and listen to her issues. The plan was to have a beer and go. Be at home and in the bed by 10. That was feasible. And then I feel two arms come around me from behind. From the smell of the cologne I know who it is; Marine1. I turn my head half way to see him smiling at me and JC standing to the side also smiling.

"Thought you weren't coming out tonight?" He asks.

"Well.... I wasn't planning on it," I reply with a grin.

Tonight is his last night home and by the looks of his athletic shorts and t-shirt just came from the gym look, it's obvious he wasn't planning on coming out either. "Figured one last beer with JC," he answers. The conversation continues for a minute then the two walk away and Punk-Rock-Chick and I return to our previous conversation. We finish our beers, pay the tab and prepare to leave. I walk down to where JC and Marine1 sit to tell them bye. "Come on you can't leave. Stay a little longer and hang out with us."

"Just a little longer," I consent. Punk-Rock-Chick smiles and says her goodbyes and once again it is the 3 of us. It's as if we have become the 3 amigos.

As the three of us sit there in conversation the first shot appears for Marine1. Anytime we go out in town we see people we know that want to buy him shots. Which is nice and all but Marine1 won't turn them down. You see where this is going. He does the shot with the new comer. But they don't stop there. It is getting later and more and more people are starting to trickle in. Before I know it JC and I are sitting at the corner of the bar shaking our heads and laughing as Marine1 does shots with the new found friends. At 10:30 I am ready to go. Past ready to go. But as I watch another shot of crown being handed to Marine1 I know that I need to stay and make sure he makes it home ok. Plus poor JC looks just as ready to leave as I do and I hate to leave him behind to hold down the corner by himself.

Me: "So how much longer before we can leave?"

JC: "Hell he should be ready to go before long. We'll take him to waffle house let him eat something to sober up then take him home."

Me: " I think this is the most I've seen him drink since he's been home. He is going to feel like crap in the morning."

JC: with a sigh "Yep."

An hour later JC and I are definitely ready to go.

JC: "Go tell him your ready to go he'll listen to you."

I roll my eyes at him before turning my back to approach Marine1.

Me: "You bout ready to go?"

Marine1: "Not just yet." His eyes are glazed over pretty good at this point and I can tell the crown is in full effect.

I look back over at JC who motions with his hand in a gesture I assume means keep trying. I sigh. Time to play dirty. Time to play the girly-bat-my-eyelashes-get-what-I-want card. I hate using this card and refrain from using it unless no other choice. I turn back to Marine1 tossing my head so my hair falls from behind my ear allowing my layers to hang just slightly over my right eye. I smile up at him and he wraps his arms around me in a hug. I hug him back and tilt my head slightly up to look at him. "Come on lets go home," I say this time with a more sugar coated tongue.

Marine1 not looking down at me but focusing on some distant point behind me, "Just a little longer."

He is quite taller than me and I stand on tiptoes now untangling my arms from his waist and reaching up to intertwine my fingers behind his neck. "Come on......" I can see his face softening. "Hey," I say softly but loud enough to be heard over the loud music, "Look at me."

"No," he replies squeezing me tightly but still looking over my head.

"Please look me in the eye....."

"Can't."

"Why?"

"Cause if I look at you I'll give in." He laughs glancing down for one brief second.

I laugh at his response and he shifts back a few steps to sit on a bar stool, never letting me go but pulling me with him. The expression on his face is softening and I can tell I'm starting to win. "Come on let's go home." I say this as if we are going home together. Yeah this is a cheap shot cause I am not going home with him. But at this point I know he won't remember so what ever works.

"Ok..." comes out and then out of left field comes this guy talking to Marine1 and handing him another shot. The softened look fades from Marine1's face and I can tell the battle has just been lost. I curse the guy under my breath and head back over to JC who is shaking his head and grinning having watched the whole episode.

JC: "You had him."

Me: "I know."

We sit there another 10 minutes and watch as Marine1 and Guy talk.

JC: "Ok new plan." he leans towards me conspiratorially, "I'll distract Guy you grab Marine1 and head for the car. I'll meet you there."

Me: "Why not other way around?"

JC: "Cause he doesn't care if I'm ready to go or not."

Me: "Touche." I pause, "Wait one minute." I wait for the bartender to look at me then motion him over and ask him to close out Marine1's tab. The bartender returns a minute later handing me Marine1's card and the receipt. My eyes bulge at the amount but add the tip on and sign his name at the bottom. I pocket the card and receipt and turn back to JC, "Ok let's move."

I let JC approach the two guys first. He easily slips into the conversation and after another moment I can see JC has maneuvered the conversation so that it is between just him and the Guy and Marine1 is merely a bystander. As I start to get up Marine1 makes eye contact with me and comes toward me instead. He silently takes my hand and closes his eyes a moment as he says, "This was not a good idea."

I can't help but smile as I agree with him. I give his hand a quick squeeze, "Come on lets go." I glance at JC real quick to see he still has Guy preoccupied. I stand and head for the door keeping a firm grip one Marine1's hand as he staggers slightly behind me. He stops suddenly the force pulling me backwards, "I got to close my tab."

I smile, "Already done."

Marine1: "Got my card."

Me: "Yep."

Satisfied with the answers we start walking again. Almost out the door I hear Guy shout at Marine1. I feel the hesitation flowing thru his body to his fingers intertwined thru mine. I pretend I didn't hear the guy and I tighten my grip as I push the inner door open and walk out. I turn to Marine1 and offer a half smile. He smiles back as he steps forward to open the next door for me. Almost clear. We get in the car where Marine1 slumps in the passenger seat, "why did you let me drink so much? Why didn't you cut me off?" He asks closing his eyes and leaning against the door.

I don't answer the rhetorical question, just crank the 4runner and wait for JC. He jumps in the backseat a minute later and we head toward Marine1's house. I pull up in the driveway and Marine1 leans over and gives me a quick peck on the cheek before stumbling out of the car. JC gets out of the backseat to help Marine1 into the house but he is a tad to slow. So as we watch the front door close. JC gets in the passenger seat and we head back to the restaurant where I tell him good night and drop him off at his truck.

I get home around 1:30 and set my alarm not understanding why I even bother anymore.......

This morning I arrive at work. My phone starts vibrating and Marine1's picture flashes up. "Good morning sunshine!" I say extra chippy cause I can imagine how hungover he feels and after keeping my out so late I want to be kinda annoying. lol

"Why does my ass hurt?"

Despite the two other people in the office I crack up trying to control my giggles and wish I was somewhere I could spout off the witty response that came to mind. But alas I bite my tounge, "I don't know I dropped you off, saw you go in the house and left."

"I think I fell down the stairs," he says letting out a little laugh as well. "I'm really sorry bout last night I really don't remember very much."

"Yeah you were an ass," I state.

I hear the remorse in his voice, "I'm sure I was. I'm so sorry!!"

"It's ok. Take it you didn't make it up this morning." Glancing at the clock it shows 9:30 when the night before he said he was leaving for base at 7:30.

"Nah, gonna wait and leave after lunch," he responds.

"Gottcha, well I gotta get back to work."

"Ok I have some stuff to do but if I have time I'll try and stop by and see you real quick before I leave."

"Ok." I knew its a nice gesture but I also knew he won't come by. Our three week mark had ended the night before at midnight as far as I was concerned. It was time for him to go back. Time for me to get back to my life.

I won't lie part of me will miss him. You know the kind that when you give up a bad habit misses the adrenaline rush and addiction. But its best he leave now before I got into deep. I'm still cautious. Not really wanting a relationship. Hell not even really wanting to go out on a date with someone whom I don't already know. I'm just not ready. As Blondie had hit the nail on the head, that was one of the things that was so appealing about Marine1 ~ the fact that I could go and hang out with him but that I knew that after 3 weeks it would be over. I didn't have to worry about it turning into something or think long term. She was right more so than she knows. I have learned to keep a certain amount of information to myself, therefor I haven't really told my friends the entire extent of Marine1. They don't know that he called or texted me nearly everyday he was here. Something that I didn't really see as such of a big deal until I started realizing that while home he spent nearly all his time with me when I know there were other girls that were wanting to go out with him. But then I think he appealed to me for the same reason I appealed to him. The understanding that at the end of three weeks that's it. We will stay in touch as before he came home but its not expected to be an everyday thing. No strings attached.

Ted, "She wants casual... Okay, I'll be casual. I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. You know why? 'cause it's a game. I wanna to skip to the end and to the whole happily ever after thing. But you don't get there, unless you play the game."
Marshall, "So you gonna ask her out?"
Ted, "Yes. NO! I can't ask her out because if I ask her out I'm ASKING HER OUT. So how do I ask her out, without asking her out?"

~ How I Met Your Mother ~

Brave New Girl ~ Chapter 6: Flirting With Strangers

I expected last night to be a calm evening. Which it sorta was. It was going to be a simple night of hanging out at Punk-Rock-Chick's apartment and playing cards. Or so I thought.......

I was the first to arrive and seemed like we had some time to kill so Punk-Rock-Chick suggested we have a drink while we wait. We head for the local hotspot where we meet up with the same girlfriend from the previous night (guess I should give her a name..... lets see........I'll keep it simple ~ Alice). As I walk thru the door I notice 2 cute guys sitting at the bar, they look up at us new arrivals with interest. We take a seat at an empty table and place our orders. Still trying to acquire a taste for it I order a beer. When in reality I would have loved a Rum Runner! But $2 Vs. $6.50...... yeah beer it is! lol Hey I admit I'm pretty broke, like most people now, and trying to have fun on a budget.

Our drinks arrive and seeing as I am the only single one at the table it is quickly decided by Punk-Rock-Chick and Alice that I should go talk to the 2 cute guys. Let me explain I am not the type of girl to normally approach guys. I mean I understand sometimes a girl has to help get the ball rolling, but yeah I'm a little more old fashioned in I'd rather let the guy make the first move. Ok I'm shy. At times. As I slowly sip my beer I eye the guy on the left.... he has a cute smile. That is what I always notice first about the opposite sex, their smile. They are obviously out-of-towners so really what do I have to lose? So I form a plan. I watch the bartender make his way down to the other end of the bar. Before I can change my mind and chicken out I turn my beer up finishing what little was left. I sit the empty bottle down on the table, give my girls a smile, and slide quickly out of my seat.

I approach the bar and the empty chair to the left of the guy with the cute smile. Gracefully I ease onto the chair angling my body so I am facing right, my eyes on the bartender (who has his back to me) making it obvious I have approached the bar to order another drink. Cute smile guy has turned to me watching as I appear to wait. My eyes shift to him and I match his smile with one of my own. "Hi," the word roles simply off his tongue. The plan, as simple as it was, has worked. "Hi," I reply and easy as that the conversation ball has been set into motion. He asks my name and tells me his. He then asks what I'm drinking, I rattle off the name of my beer of the night. As the bartender approaches cute smile guy orders me a beer. I graciously thank him as I accept the beer. After a few more minutes of conversation I excuse myself, thanking him again, and return to my girls. They of course are all smiles.

Punk-Rock-Chick's BF arrives along with other friends, a mixture of guys and girls, and the 3 of us are quickly surrounded. Before long Punk-Rock-Chick is saying it is time to go. Cute smile guy is watching me ~ as I draw near I pause to thank him again for the beer, throw in a nice to meet you, and with a smile say good bye.

Alice and I make our way to her car (it's just me and her now). It may not seem like a big deal but after being in a relationship for nearly 8 years the idea of a stranger buying me a drink is a small gesture but big deal to me. I can count on one hand the amount of drinks I have received from strangers. Because since turning 21 I have always been with X. So I'm happy at this simple step forward ~ flirting with a stranger.

As we approach the car I tell Alice that I wish he would have asked for my number.

Alice, "Go back and give it to him."

Me, shaking head and laughing, "No I can't do that."

Alice, "You ought to go and invite them to come hang out with us!"

My eyes go wide thinking there is no way I'd have the courage to do that, "What?"
Alice sends a quick text to Punk-Rock-Chick asking if I can invite the cute guys over. Punk-Rock-Chick's reply: YES!!!!!!!

Alice, grinning from ear to ear, "Go do it!"

There are still people inside I know who I have already told bye to and honestly I really don't want to reenter the bar and embarrass myself. I mean...... really...... I'm so not the kinda girl to pick up random guys! I tell Alice I don't want to walk back in and do it infront of everybody. At this point we are at the car, my back to the door of the restaurant.

Alice, "Ohmygosh there he is!"

Me, "What?" turning to follow her eyes to see him standing his back to us right inside the door on the phone.
Alice,"GO!!"

Before I can think I'm walking briskly back to the door, I open it to see his retreating back walking back toward the bar. I call out his name and he stops and turns. As our eyes meet I can not believe what I am about to do. He's smiling. Good sign I hope. I have no plan. And suddenly I feel very self-conscious. But with my most confident smile in place I ask, "Do you have plans when you leave here?" Still smiling he tells me no. So I tell him we are going back to a friends to play drinking card games if he and his friend would like to join us. He tells me he would like to but will have to check with his buddy. He pulls out his phone and asks for my number ~ typing it in as I ramble it off. He repeats it back to me before hitting save. I say bye again, knowing at this point my cheeks are more than likely flushed. He tells me bye saying he will call me.

Smiling I scurry to the car to find to an anxious Alice who wants all the details. I give them to her still in shock that I actually just invited this cute stranger to hang out. She points out I'm 2 for 2 ~ 2 nights out both ending with a guy asking for my number. I laugh telling her that I may need to hang out with her more often!

In route to Punk-Rock-Chick's my cell phone starts to ring. We have been gone maybe 2 minutes. It's a number I don't know. I press the button and say hello. It's cute smile guy. He asks for directions to Punk-Rock-Chick's and says his friend has to stop somewhere and then they will try to stop by.

We arrive at the apartment and immediately Punk-Rock-Chick's BF starts teasing me and giving me a hard time ~ all in good fun. Alice's BF and the others gathered are nicer but still my brave streak has made me fair game for teasing. I embarrass easily now realizing that if these guys show up the chances of the 2 BF's teasing ceasing is.... well.... probably slim to none. I panic suddenly hoping the guys don't show up. Guess my hopes were answered because they didn't.

But that didn't kill my good mood. This weekend I have become a brave new girl. I don't mind if he never even calls again, I'm proud of myself for having the guts to just approach the guy in the first place! An event that probably not happen often. You never know though.... Maybe I'm overcoming some of my shyness....

She wants a good time

No need to rewind

She needs to really really find what she wants

She lands on both feet

Won’t take a back seat

There’s a brave new girl

And she’s comin’ out tonight

She’s gonna step outside

Uncover her eyes

Who knew she could feel so alive

Her M.O.’s changed

She don’t wanna behave

Ain’t it good to be a brave girl tonight

~ Britney Spears, Brave New Girl ~

Who? What?

This week has been a little busy to say the least. After working at the office all day I then head to Sports Bar where I have been working in the evenings. So after 3 straight days of working 14-15 hour days last night I should have went home and went to bed. Should have being the key words here. But I was pumped. I love the atmosphere at Sports Bar. The night was young and we weren't busy so I was able to sneak out early. Vivi has been telling me I need to live a little so a quick call to Punk-Rock-Chick and I had a wingman. We head to another bar in town, and upon arrival place our drink order. I'm still trying to become a beer girl. But I just..... I don't know.... I'm more a whisky/liquor kind of girl. But I take my beer in determination hoping that it will be an acquired taste. I smile as we make our way around the bar stopping to mingle with familiar faces.

Now to back up for a moment, Fire Guy and one of his friends have come into Sports Bar twice this week while I was working (last night being one of those) and I have waited on them both times. And for the short period Fire Guy and I "dated/hung out/what-ever-you-call-it" no one really knew we were together. Now several months later apparently word is just getting around. I have been asked about 4 times in the past week if we are dating. Then someone last night while I was working jokingly said, "you better behave." I looked at them questioningly not sure what they meant and asked, "Why?" The reply, "Cause your boyfriends here." Pause. Another puzzled look. "Aren't you dating Fire Guy?" The puzzle pieces in my head click as I laughed and responded while shaking my head, "No, no." Guess the small town gossip mill is running behind.

Anyway ~ as I make my way thru the bar there sits Fire Guy's friend he says hello so Punk-Rock-Chick and I stop for a minute to chat. Second words out of his mouth, "Fire Guy's here somewhere." I wanted to reply, "Ok thanks and your telling me this because........" but I just bite my tongue trying to keep my smart ass remarks to myself. After a few minutes we bid ado and Punk-Rock-Chick and I claim a table where we sit shouting over the music to make conversation. I love hanging with Punk-Rock-Chick, she is so laid back and always fun to be around. Before long her boyfriend arrives along with several other friends who join us at the table. We sit talking and laughing. Punk-Rock-Chick, GirlFriend, and myself hit the dance floor leaving the guys with our purses and the table.

Time passes and Fire Guy comes thru the crowd in search of me. We talk and as a slow song comes on he takes my hand and asks me to dance. His strong arms wrapped around me pulling me close as we swayed with the music. He smelled wonderful. I'm not sure what kind of cologne he was wearing but it was defiantly take-me-in-your-arms-and-don't-let-go intoxicating!! lol I'm such a sucker for a guy that smells good. Any guy taking notes here ~ Girls love a guy that smells good! Anyway where was I.... Oh yes, Fire Guy and I slow dancing. As the song ended he took my hand and led me off the dance floor. With a quick hug I returned to my other friends. All of which give me those big grins but thankfully kept their thoughts to themselves. The girls and I danced some more, laughing having a good time. For those few short hours I was carefree and, as a Vivi has told me to do numerous times, enjoying myself. Each time a slow song would come on Fire Guy would appear to take my hand and sweep me off my feet. While dancing we were talking, I don't even remember about what, and I said something about us being friends. At this he laughed and kissed the top of my head, "We're more than friends." Being quite a bit shorter than him I'm sure he did not see the WTF expression that crossed my face as he said this. I let the comment go figuring it was more the beer talking then him. It was nice to dance. Nice to be held. Heck even nice to hear the meaningless words (I say meaningless because if anything I have learned while being single that guys say alot of crap they don't mean). And I guess I have to admit out of all the guys I have ever dated Fire Guy is the nicest.

The night goes on ~ I actually got hit on by two other guys, which was a nice self-esteem boast but odd. I was sober, only drinking one beer, dancing with my girls laughing having a good time. Guess that goes to show when your looking for guys you won't find them, when you aren't looking they appear. I even had a guy ask for my number. He is a friend of GirlFriends BF so I thought what the heck and actually gave it to him. I mean what do I have to lose? I still kinda have a crush on Fire Guy but I mean I think we all know that's not going to go anywhere. So guess we shall see.

Periodically Fire Guy would appear and put his arm around me, or hug me, probably making it appear to anyone looking that we were actually together. Why do guys do that? Act interested if they're not?

By 1:30 I knew it was time to go I went to tab out and pay for the 2 beers I had had only to find out they had already been paid for. That was a nice surprise. Fire Guy tells his friend bye that he's going also and he asks me to wait for him and he'll walk me out. I tell my other friends bye and together Fire Guy and I head out in to the cold night.

As he walks me to my car I feel slightly unsure. Unsure I guess of him and the situation. As we approach my car he grabs my arm and pulls me in for a hug. He pulls me close, tightly wrapping both arms around me. He holds me close and once again kisses the top of my head as he tells me good night.

Life is full of surprises and 2009...... well it's off to an interesting start......

Kat, "You know what pisses me off? I've been spilling my guts all weekend and I don't know a thing about you."

Nick Mercer, [pause] "I'm allergic to fabric softener. I majored in comparative literature at Brown. I hate anchovies. And I think I'd miss you even if we never met."

~ The Wedding Date ~

Christmas Party

Saturday morning began with the walk of shame per say as I exited Punk-Rock-Chick's car and headed for the front door of Vixen's house. My cute outfit from the night before now reeked of club smells and I longed to exchange it for a shower and sweat pants. My heals clicked on the hardwood floors as I made my way into the house. At this point I still didn't have a plan of action. Did I apologize for the previous night? Or did I act like it never happened? In the 11 years Vixen had been my best friend this was only the second disagreement to occur.... the first some 9 years ago a distant memory and unrelateable to the current one. I find Vivi and Vixen gathered around the small screen of the computer transfixed by the movie in front of them. Timidly I enter the large walk in closet and rummage in my overnight bag for the sweatpants and sweatshirt I know it contains. Never had I been more happy to change clothes nor in more of a hurry. I slid on my shoes as I walked thru the house gathering up my stuff. I was at a loss for words I didn't know what to say. I said I was going home to shower and get Hyper and that I would meet them at the Christmas party. Absentmindedly I ask where my cooler is. Vixen's face falls as she tells me about her now ex BF coming over that morning to move the rest of his stuff out. I can see it in her eyes. She wants to cry. She needs to cry. I tell her its ok to cry and as a tear slides down her face I hug her, just holding her and letting her cry. I don't mention the previous night and neither does she. Maybe some things are best to be forgotten.

Later that evening Hyper and I ventured out into the pouring rain to attend the Christmas party. This year we were having it at Nurse-Betty's house; another high school friend that I have always been close with but due to different life events we have drifted apart some over the past year. I arrive at the house along with Giggles and her BF a little after 7. Hyper is quickly off to greet all the guests happy to be the center of attention. Diner is served, drinks are poured, gifts our opened and then let the games begin! In attendance were: Nurse Betty and husband, Giggles and BF, Blondie and her BF, High School friend, and husband, Vivi, Vixen, and myself. We started off with a little Beer Pong ~ Team Vivi and E a force to be reckoned with.

Then thru the door walks Big, Don Juan, Guy Friend and another guy friend ~ they had been invited but everyone had doubted they would actually make an appearance. But after last night I assumed Big would show up only for the soul fact to torture me and.... well the universe is just that fair. A girl also arrives with them but it is not obvious which in the group she is with. I, always one to the bigger person, smiled and introduced myself ~ I think I was perhaps the only one to do so. Giggles, who is not much for outsiders, throws a snide remark out about this newest victim's age asking which one is robbing the cradle now. At this point none of my friends know about the conversations between Big and I the night before. Honestly I don't really tell my friends that much about the two of us. I prefer to keep it to myself (well except Vivi who reads this therefor knows all my secrets).

Hyper runs to greet the new arrivals and Big greets her with this funny voice he always talks to her in. She excitedly jumps around his feet as he bends down to pet her. Then he glances up at me, we make eye contact. He smiles. I smile. Then I quickly look away. I am embarrassed/humiliated. If this girl came with him I am slightly appalled. I know I shouldn't care but as I caught the glances that were exchanged between my friends I'll admit I felt like a fool. But I know Big and I'm no stranger to this game or how his mind works. The beer pong resumes and I must say Vivi was on fire! I sat out vowing that tonight I would go home to my on bed, and lets face it a few drinks and we all know I would have went home with him. But I meant the words I said the night before and I vowed to stand by them..... at least for the time being that is.

Nurse-Betty claims me as a partner for the next round and we are matched up against Vixen and Nurse-Betty's husband. It was a close game but of course I am the champ and my team wins. After this game I decide to sit out the rest of the night and watch from the sidelines. Imagine my surprise when Vixen and Big decide to team up together for the next round. Now Vixen will never admit but I always suspect that deep down she's not a Big fan. But I am happy to see them laughing together as the game begins.

The night goes on and we decide to head outside so that the smokers of the group can have a smoke-break (I am not one of them but follow anyway). As we head to the door Vixen has enough beer in her to be blunt and asks this new girl which of the guys she is with. I am behind them as we make our way up the stairs and try to contain my laughter from the shocked look on the girls face as she laughs and replies none of them. Vixen retorts, "Ok good," and walks off apparently happy with this answer. I shake my head and continue out the door.

I take a seat and Big comes up and takes the seat opposite me. He attempts conversation as Hyper curls up in my lap. It is still early in the night but I know its time for me to go. I gather my stuff and Hyper's many requirements. I swear it's like having a kid as I collect her bed, toys, bone, food bowl, and blanket. I make my rounds saying my good byes. I come to Big and tell him bye. "Your leaving?" He stands up, hugs me and tells me to be careful as he pets Hyper goodbye.

On the way to the car Giggles is fuming at the possibility that this girl could have been there with Big. I laugh at her telling her that its really ok and tell her simply that I told him I just wanted to be friends. She stops short, "Well why didn't you tell me that? I've been giving him the eat shit and die look all night?" She laughs and I can't help but laugh with her. As I climbed in the car I let the fake smile slide from my face. Was I really ok if he was with another girl? I had made the decision therefor I had to be.

A few months ago I would have probably been devastated. But that's the funny thing about growing up. You realize you have to be happy with yourself before you can ever begin to be happy with someone else. And right now I am happy with myself in that I will never again settle for less than I deserve. This journey has had its bumps in the road I admit but if I've learned anything I've learned I can make it on my own. I make my own fate. If Big and I are meant to be it'll be and if not that's ok cause I'm doing just fine on my own. After all I've made it this far.


Side note ~ The next day (Sunday) Vixen, Vivi, and myself ventured out to do a little Christmas shopping.

The first question I was asked was, "Where did you sleep last night?"
Confused I reply, "In my bed."
"Ok."
"Why?"
"Well we were taking bets," Vivi admits from the front seat.
"Bets?" I ask having a pretty good idea where this questioning was headed.
"Yep the guys left right after you did and we were guessing you probably stayed the night with Big," Vixen responds.

Interesting.

Just Dance

Where do I start? I guess the beginning is always the best place... this weekend was: crazy, hectic, interesting, and full of surprises ~ to name a few.

It all started Friday....

I was at Vixen's getting ready for a night out and enjoying a mixed drink while I got ready and we waited on Vivi to arrive. We were going out for Vivi's birthday and at this point Vivi thought it was just going to be the three of us. But she was in for a surprise.... hence the reason I had avoided her calls as much as possible this week! I am a terrible, terrible liar and with my close friends I always crack under pressure! So as we left the house I was already feeling a little giggly from the rum. We arrived at the restaurant to be seen to our table where we were met by a group full of friends. Vivi acted surprised but I know she could tell we were up to something.... but she seemed to have a good time and that's all that matters!

As I sat eating diner and trying to sober up my cell phone went off. Big had been invited to come and I had talked to him before I left Vixen's and he acted like he wasn't going to make it. To my surprise he said that he was on his way and asked we wait on him at the restaurant. The night passed quickly as we finished our meals and those of us that were going out afterwards piled in cars heading south. We arrived at the club where Vixen and Vivi grabbed drinks and we headed for the dance floor. Things were going good and we were having a great time. As we danced the guys (Big and his three friends) sat on the sidelines drinking beer and probably laughing at us. Then the band changed pace as they started up a slow song. I took Big's hand, giving him little choice but to join me on the dance floor. As he took me in his arms and pulled me against him I closed my eyes and laid my head on his chest. Sometimes a girl just wants you to take her in your arms and dance. I am one of those of girls. And unfortunately or fortunately Big is one of those guys. No matter where we are, at his house or at club, if a slow song comes on he will always take me in his arms and dance with me. That's one of those little things I guess I love about him. At the end of the song he dipped me then swept me off my feet in a hug before he lowered me once again to the ground.

He returned to the table while Vivi, Vixen, Girl Friend, and I continued to dance the night away.

Somewhere in the mix of this the camera was pulled out to snap some shots so Vivi could remember her "half-way-to-fifty" mark. Well I took a self portrait of myself and Vixen which was not flattering, I won't lie. So Vixen demands I delete it, which I do, but not without laughing about it first. Normally she would laugh as well but apparently post-break-up emotions plus beer equals overreacting. And in my still slightly buzzed state I was perhaps not as understanding as I should have been. I hate drama. And normally Vivi and I do a damn good job of avoiding it! We may skit around the outskirts of it at times but we are usually far from the eye of the storm. Friday night I did not fair so well as I was sucked into the midst. This and my stubbornness landed me in quite a predicament. I told Vixen if she was going to be hateful I was going to go home with Girl Friend who was with us. Vixen told me to give her the car keys. We weren't in my car. To avoid this type of situation this is always why I normally drive. But of course this has never happened before and would only happen one of the rare times I don't drive my car. So as Vixen and Vivi leave I sit on my stool fighting the urge to cry. Guy Friend (he was the one at Big's the other night I also referred to as friend if he makes more appearances I'll give him a name ~ he has been a friend for along time but is a minor character and I hate to come up with so many names and confuse everyone!), anyway, Guy Friend takes a seat beside me and asks me if Vixen and Vivi just left me. I nod my head, still kinda shocked. He asks how I'm getting home. I know realize my stupidity in that I am a good seventy miles from home. I tell him I'm going home with Girl Friend who lives about ten minutes from the club. Guy Friend tells me I can ride back with them.

At this point I start to weigh my options. Do I a) go home with Girl Friend and then worry about how to get home in the morning or b) catch a ride home with the guys tonight? I weigh my options:

a) If I go home with Girl Friend she will have to give me a ride home tomorrow which is an hour drive there and hour drive back for her.

b) If I ride home with the guys I can sleep in my own bed (which is a plus) but I worry Vixen will be mad thinking I wanted to go home with them all along (which was not true! I wanted to go home with her and Vivi, sleep in the next morning, then the three of us spend the day together before the Christmas party. But I know Vixen and I know how she thinks).

I sigh feeling damned if I do damned if I don't. If I choose option a, Girl Friend will be inconvenienced with taking me home the next day ~ if I choose b Vixen may be more mad then she possibly already is. By this time Big has returned to the table and is also surprised Vixen and Vivi had left. He says they are ready to go as well and asks if I'm coming with them or not. I look over my shoulder to where Girl Friend stands at the bar being hit on by a guy she obviously knows and then I realize if I stay I may encounter an option c that involves me going with Girl Friend back to some random (to me) guy's house............ This was it decision time. And then I asked myself, "what do I want to do?" The answer was clear. I wanted to go home.

I hugged Girl Friend bye with promises I would let her know when I arrived home. You would think this was the end of the night. Shake of head. It wasn't. I climbed into the backseat of the truck between Guy Friend and Big and the suggestion of Waffle House is brought up. Everyone knows Waffle House is always best after midnight and a few drinks. Apparently that's why there is one located conveniently across the street from the club. As we pull into the parking lot my phone rings, it's Vixen, I answer ~ she yells ~ I hang up. I know real mature. But if I'm already aggravated/hurt yelling at me is not the way to go. I was yelled at for to many years by X and I told myself never again would I allow anyone to yell at me. If you can't talk to me in a reasonable fashion than I really have nothing to say to you. I know I shouldn't have hung up but try getting yelled at after you are the one that's been left and see what you do.

Then Big's phone rings, apparently he is the sane one of the group at this point, which is sad to say. He calmly tells Vixen for her and Vivi to meet us at Waffle House, we'll eat and sort out whatever is going on. As he hangs up I asked what she said. He said that she replied ok and then hung up so he guessed they were on their way. The five of us claimed a booth in the corner where I was wedged between the window and Big as Guy Friend slid in on the other side of Big, good thing I'm kinda small. lol. We waited on Vivi and Vixen to arrive but after fifteen minutes it was obvious they weren't coming so we placed our order. What little buzz I may have had was wearing off, I stared forlornly out the window watching the rain drizzle down. I felt like a shitty friend and I felt guilt over something I really didn't think was entirely fault. I was ready to be home. As the guys talked around me I sat quietly gazing out the window figuring I had said enough for one evening. "It's going to be ok," Big leaned down to whisper to me. I gave him a half smile hoping he was right.

The food arrived but the hash browns and toast just weren't as good as I wanted them to be. If you can't tell I hate it when people are mad at me. I'm one of those people that always wants everybody to get along. And as Big has pointed out before I perhaps take things a little to personal at times.

Finally we are back in the truck on the way home and I am silently thankful I have not moved the furniture out of the house yet. Knowing there is no food or drinks at the house I request a gas station pit stop where I grab a bag of Gorditos, Dr. Pepper (I know I'll need it in the morning), and Tylenol PM (I was ready for the pounding in my head to go away). On the ride home while Big and Guy Friend slept on either side of me I envisioned the long bubble bath I was going to take once at the house.

We finally arrived at Big's Jeep, we said our good byes to the other two and I claimed shot gun, smiling as Guy Friend climbed into the back. The Jeep was filled with the cold night air as we made our way closer to home. Big reached across to place his hand on my leg and rub my hand trying to warm it up. "You sure you don't want to come with us to the house?" Big asked. "No, I really want to just go home." I replied. He nodded his head, "I was hoping you'd come stay with me." I sat in silence thinking 'I'd rather tell Vixen I went and slept in my own bed'.

But luck would have it another way. We arrived at the house and I went to the lock box to retrieve the spare key (my key was with my car keys, that were with my car at Vixen's house). I open it. No key. My mind flashes back to this afternoon when I had been at the house packing and had locked my keys in the house. I had used the spare key to get in. I had then went upstairs to retrieve Hyper's bed which I had also forgotten. I had sat the key on the kitchen counter. Shit. I go to the door trying to shine the light from my phone thru the window pane. And of course there is the key. On the other side of the locked door. On the counter. Great. Just great. The vision of a long bubble bath slowly fades away. It is now 4:45 in the morning and there is no way I am going to knock on my mothers door and explain this situation. Big smiles knowing he has gotten his way and we head to his house (I refuse to admit this to Vixen however if asked I stayed at my house). I have no pajama's, no toothbrush, no nothing. Not even a purse (I had carried one of Vixen's to the club and she demanded it back at the same time she asked for the keys). I have the clothes on my back, my id, my debt card, my cell phone, and five bucks cash.

I retrieve a clean wash cloth and lock myself in the bathroom attempting to wash off the night. As I turn the lock I finally let a tear slide down my check. I had held it in all night but now that I was alone I cried. I couldn't believe Vixen had left me. I couldn't believe it all happened over something very stupid. I was wrong just as much as she was, I will admit that. But the difference is I would have never left her no matter how mad I was. But perhaps stubborn me should not have allowed myself to have been left. I washed my face and swished mouth wash, really wishing I had a toothbrush.

I returned to the bedroom and exchanged my club clothes for one of Big's t-shirt's ~ the one I always sleep in when I stay the night. Even when I have my own pajama's I always tend to claim this shirt. At this point I have taken the Tylenol PM and am anxious for the day to be over and sleep to come. So of course Big wants to talk. We lay in the dark and I fight to keep my eyes open and concentrate on what he is saying. Then I realize he is telling me that I don't know what I want. Whoa. Wait. Huh? He tells me that I told him I don't want a relationship but I don't want to be just friends with benefits. I clarify I don't want a serious relationship. At this point I'm feeling a little dazed, the Tylenol PM clouding my mind. I tell him I know what I want. I want to date. Specifically to date him. Then the next thing I know I'm telling him that I'm done. That we can either date or be just friends. That I'm tired of all this gray area crap. He points out that he came with us tonight to see me. I call his bullshit and perhaps a little to sniddy tell him he just wanted to get out.

Then the aggression from the night came out as I said all the words I had thought of saying to him but never had. I told him I was done. That we needed to go back to just being friends. "It's like you have me on a radar, every time I'm doing good and about to move on, about to let you go, you call me and you say all the things I want to hear to keep me hanging on." As I pause for breath he attempts to apologize trying to say it's nothing like that, but I'm on a roll.

Me: "And your speech!"

Big: "What speech?"

Me: "You cannot tell me you had drank to much to remember that! You quoted the effing Notebook to me for crying out loud! The Notebook! I've never even seen it but still you got me when you did that! I didn't want to believe you. But you know you sounded so sincere, like you'd really thought about the speech before you gave it. You said maybe we should give us a shot! You didn't mean it though. You were just saying whatever you thought you needed to say to keep me hanging on. Well I'm done! Don't call or text me again."

As the words leave my mouth I knew they were said from anger, but boy was it nice to get it out. I lay there in the dark silence.

Big: "You don't ever want me to call you again?"

Me: "Only if your calling as friend can you call me. This is our last night. From here on out we are just friends." My voice sounded cold even to me.

In my head I meant the words I said..... but in my heart....... at the thought of never laying there in the dark with him again my heart wanted to break. I lay with my back to him, the silence that filled the room deafening. He put his arm around me and pulled me close, "Well if this is our last night better make it count."

I let him hold me. Once again tears burned my eyes but I refused to let them out. As the first rays of dawn started to appear outside the window I was finally able to close my eyes and drift to sleep.

Hours later I awoke to find myself facing him. Me on my side of the bed, him on his. He lay there looking at me. An emotion in his eyes that I couldn't quite read. "Good morning," He said. "Good morning." We had only been asleep a few hours but those few hours had changed everything. I got up to go to the bathroom and returned to him laying there flipping thru the channels. I slipped back into bed and we lay there watching TV. Him on his side of the bed. Me on mine.

I knew I had done the right thing. It may hurt now, but it would have hurt a lot more further down the road. Kinda like pulling off a band-aid right..... the quicker you do it the less pain. I mean he leaves in a few months anyway for boot camp. No sense getting attached.

He got up and showered and for lack of other options I put on my clothes from the night before. I always have a change of clothes with me and the fact I was wearing the same clothes from the night before did nothing for my mood. As we waited for Guy Friend to finish getting ready we sat down at the kitchen table and started a game of chess (apparently Big and Don Juan have started playing chess instead of Guitar Hero).

The game of chess was left unfinished as Guy Friend came out of the spare bedroom ready to go ~ Big was having to give him a ride back to his car in town. At this point I was unsure of where to go. To go to my house where I had no car and no clothes (I've moved all my clothes to mom's), or to mom's house only to explain who dropped me off, why I don't have a car, and why Vixen left me at the club. So I call the only other person I know to call at this point, Punk-Rock-Chick.

As we pull into Punk-Rock-Chick's apartment complex I tell Big thanks for the ride and thank both of them for not leaving me the night before. I climb out of the Jeep and without a backward glance I walk into the apartment. I long to look back to see if he still has that look in his eyes. But I figure if he did he would have never let me walk away in the first place.

To be continued...........

Carrie, "Now I've laid down a gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm going to have to break up with him."

Charlotte, "Well, how long are you going to give him?"

Carrie, "Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's going to start to curdle in about a week."

~ SATC ~