Roadtrip

At 10:30 last night I found myself frantically throwing clothes into a bag as I talked on the phone finalizing the spure of the moment roadtrip. Me and Hollywood are heading to see Marine2 at base and going to the beach. I can't believe I'm doing this! I'm never this spontaneous! Wish me luck!!

Let's Think About This

Many things are running thru my head but getting them out well that is where I run into a problem.

I like this boy. I mean I really, really, can't-stop-smiling, like this boy. But then again I'll admit I'm a little scared.

He called last night and we talked for two hours. He is easy to talk to and we have so much in common.

The con is: he is based 8 hours away.

The pro is: he is based 8 hours away.

Yes you read that right. I can see the 8 hour distance as a pro as well as a con. The pro in that I'm still not really ready for anything serious and the distance kinda helps keep the pressure off. At the same time its a con cause I do like him and would like to hang out with him more.

The original plan was that he would not be back down till Labor Day. Last night he said he was going to try to come down the 1st weekend in August and he kinda implied that if things kept going good between us he would try to come down at least one weekend a month.

I can't stop smiling.... I forgot how much fun it can be having a crush!

But I'm not getting my hopes up....

It's Just A Crush

This morning I am grinning from ear to ear and nothing can seem to burst the happy bubble I have wrapped myself in. Wow I forgot how nice it can be to have a crush. Now I don't want to jinx myself or get ahead of myself here, I mean it's just a crush. But let's get real here, it has been sssoooo long since I have had a genuine crush! With the holiday weekend Marine2 was able to take leave and come home. I had not spoken to him since the Memorial day confusion. Then Friday night I sat atop Horse and see a friends familiar truck and horse trailer pulling into the Saddle Club. I see two guys I had been expecting pile out along with one unfamiliar face and then the rear door opens and out climbs Marine2. Very unexpected. I slide off Horse and meet him half way as he wraps me in a friendly hug. Vixen and I talk with the new arrivals as they unload and saddle their horses. The unfamiliar face belongs to a Marine buddy of Marine2 who decided to come south instead of returning home for the long weekend.

The night goes on. We all ride around. As it comes my turn to run I can see them gathered around the end of the arena. As I approach the barrel I hear them cheering, my own personal cheering section. It's nice to have support. The arena was not up to par in my opinion so I eased Horse thru the motions never letting her reach maximum speed for fear of injury in the less than perfect conditions. We ran our slowest time to date..... and still placed 5th! I was happy. But with everyone there it would have been nice to have taken home the blue but my horse and her safety comes first. After the run I unsaddled her and Mom left en route to take her home. As previously planned I was camping out with Vixen and Hollywood (I have way to many friends up till now she has been referred to as girlfriend but since she keeps making appearances she deserves a name! lol She is the girlfriend I work at Sportsbar with).

Marine2 had talked with Mom as I had unsaddled Horse. Once done I climbed on behind him (on his horse) and we headed off to join the rest of the group and watch the rest of the show. The rest of the evening I rode around double with him laughing and having a great time

Fourth of July was good as well. Last night of the horse show. I think we were all tired as my Saddle Club members gathered around helping each other get everything ready.

Sunday we packed up the camper and the horses. The Gang and I went and stopped for a late lunch and then Vixen and I were on the way home. I was exhausted. After taking care of everything at the barn it was 5 o'clock. Having gone 8 days straight with long days and short nights my eyes instantly closed as I plopped down on my bed.

Shortly after 8 my eyes fluttered open, it was dusk out and I lay there debating on getting up and getting something to eat or on going back to sleep when my phone rang. My heart skipped a beat as Marine2's name flashed across the display.

Like a giggly teenager I answered the phone, a smile already on my face. He asks if I have plans for the evening. I tell him no (I mean sleep can wait). He asks if I want to maybe hang out and watch a movie. Of course I agree. Vixen is not home so it's just me (have I mentioned I'm moving in with her). We have been out of town for a week. I make a quick grocery store run before returning to the house.

Him and his Marine buddy arrive movie in hand. I knew the buddy would be with him so I had already called in Hollywood to play wingman. Marine Buddy was cute, Hollywood was single ----perfect!

We sat down to watch the movie. A little ways in he reaches over and takes my hand. I remain calm on the outside and hide the fact that the simple move had caused my heart to skip a beat.

The movie ends and the four of us dissect it reviewing what we just saw. Conversations start to vary as a TV program comes on. A short time goes by and Hollywood bids farewell, she has an early day of work to prepare for.

The three of us remain watching TV. I drift off for what seemed like only a moment but was perhaps slightly longer. I awoke to see Marine Buddy fast asleep and Marine2 awake watching the TV and softly rubbing my arm. We start talking. By now it is after 1 a.m. He tells me they need to go. I want to invite them to stay the night. But I hesitate. I mean I really like this guy and I don't want to give him the wrong impression. On the other hand I won't see him again till Labor day so the few short hours that remain I don't really want to give up.

We cover Marine buddy up with a blanket and quietly enter the bedroom. And no nothing happened for those of you that are wondering ~ The coloring drought continues. We laid awake talking for hours playing the 20 (more like 200) question game. We had so much in common! The alarm was set for 6:35 and the last time I looked at the clock it was a little after 5. I didn't want to close my eyes. I didn't want to lose a minute. He said it was nice just laying and talking to someone and I couldn't have agreed more!

He kissed me. Not one of those passionate gotta have you kisses that is fiery yet fleeting, but a soft and gentle first kiss that leaves you hoping it will be the first of many to come.

After about an hours worth of sleep the alarm sounded and he crawled out of bed to go wake his buddy. They were leaving in an hour to head back to base. I got out of bed and walked them to the door.

He leaned down and kissed me gently right there in front of his buddy (if a guy kisses you in front of his friends I always think it means they really do like you ~ so I took this as a good sign). He told me he would call.

And you know what? I really hope he does...... This is a wonderful, exciting, scary feeling. One I haven't felt for nearly 9 years. The last real crush I had was X.

And don't take this the wrong way but Marine2 is everything X was and more.

I can't stop smiling. Keep your fingers crossed!

Joey, (Thinking about Rachel) "I've got nothing to worry about, it's just a crush."

Rachel, "Hi."

Joey, (Thinking) "I love you!"

~ Friends ~

The Week of the Horse

So from Friday June 26th till Saturday July 4th I have a horse show everynight (And work during the day)! And no time to blog :( And so much to tell! ah well

Marriage A Thing Of The Past?

So today I scroll thru the list of updated Blogs and head over to Date Girl Diaries, which lead me to:

On marriage: Let’s call the whole thing off
Author Sandra Tsing Loh is ending her marriage. Is it time you did, too?

I really don't have time to read the article yet I find my eyes drifting down the page so that I can relate it to Date Girl's post and hopefully compose a well formed comment. The author is ending her marriage. Yet she goes on to list statistics of why marriage is perhaps no longer a "forever" thing.

The issue has me torn. If you could rewind about two years I would stand here and adamantly disagree saying that marriage can be 'to death to us part' and a slide show would display my parents along with the parents of my five closest friends - all proof that marriage can work.

But now? Now I stand before you as a statistic. A statistic that shows marriage doesn't always work. Everyone who has read me before knows I am divorced. Which I am shamed to say. I never thought I would say that. I didn't think nor did I want to be a statistic. But shit happens. Sounds harsh but true. I tried. Some days I question myself and ask "Did I try hard enough?" some days I can only remember the good as if the bad never happened. But the reality kicks in and I know I tried and I know that the bad was real.

Do I wish I would have never got divorced? Yes. But if I had not would I have been staying married for the right reasons? Probably not. I may never know. Marriage is hard work and I hate to say it but love sometimes is not enough. I loved X very much and still love him and probably will until the day I die. I may never experience that form of love again. Yet love could not solve our problems.

Ok enough about me. I get sidetracked easily. Back to the article. She says that because the life span is longer now that marriage is just not as feasible (nor necessary) as it was in the past. And instead of putting the spark back in your marriage its easier to go out and find a new spark. ~ You know what she is probably right, It IS easier to go out and find a new spark. But that is the easy way out, is it not? So no, I do not agree with her. Yes, marriage takes work. But what in life doesn't?

I understand that women today are more independent therefore do not rely on the man as a provider as they once did - and I am sure this has an impact on the matter of divorce. Women are much more capable of making it on their own. However when you delve into the heart of it I think all women want to believe in marriage. Yet in today's society it is perhaps not as feasible as it once was.

Just like I want to believe that a life long marriage is possible. I want to believe in falling in love and having the family and the happily ever after. But speaking still from the position of the woman scorned I just don't know that lays in my cards.

"Leaning forward heavily across the bar, she swirls her glass and huskily drops the bomb: “I have to tell you — since we talked, I too have started thinking divorce.” “No!” we girls exclaim. With a stab of nausea, I suddenly feel as though now that I’ve touched my pool of friends with my black pen, a cloud of ink is enveloping them."

~ Sandra Tsing Loh ~

On Safari Anticipating A Flood

Thursday night I met Vixen at the theater to watch the anxiously awaited action sequel, Transformers (Which was great by the way). As we take our seats and wait for the movie to start Vixen tells me that Edward has invited us to come out after the movie and meet up with him and some of his friends.

I have to work the next day so I decline the tempting invitation but encourage Vixen to go. We both came straight from work. She has on a white t-shirt, jean shorts, and flip flops. I am dressed in what I consider one of my few "cute" chick outfits (cause lets face it I am far from a fashion goddess) jeans, black heals, black tank top with a cropped sleeve black and gray jacket over top.

Vixen, "I don't want to go meet his friends dressed like this."

Me, "You don't look bad....."

She gives me the 'yeah right look'. "Trade clothes with me."

This is how I found myself after the movie in the theater bathroom handicap stall with Vixen literally giving her the clothes off my back. 10 minutes later I emerged in a white v-neck shirt (which might I add Vixen's has a larger bosom than myself so it was much more low cut on me than it had been on her ~ Also to top it off I had on a leopard print bra. Yes I did say leopard print.) And I had on my long jeans given that I had been wearing heals so when exchanging for the flip flops I had to roll up my pants legs so as to not trip and fall. Yes, ladies and gentleman I exited the women's restroom with my head held high trying to ignore the fact that I looked like a lost hooker on safari anticipating a flood.

Now that is what I call true friendship.

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

~ C.S. Lewis ~

A Fallen Hero

Four years has gone by since the death of a friend in Iraq. Wow it doesn't seem like that long. But in away it seems so much longer. Today would have been his 28th birthday.

I remember his last trip home. He was all smiles. He told us about the children in Iraq he had come to know and that he liked handing out toys. He was so positive and upbeat.

"Hard times don't create heroes. It is during the hard times when the 'hero' within us is revealed."

~ Bob Riley ~