Eclipse, Parade, Family & Fireworks

So lets see.... what has happened since I last wrote?

I went out with the girls Thursday night and saw Eclipse. I think that this may have been my favorite of the books and the movie did not disappoint. Now was it as good as the book? No - but they never are.

And Jacob.... my oh my..... we love for you to run around shirtless!

Bella really aggravates me sometimes though. I mean here she is your average girl next door and she is lucky enough to have two great guys in love with her (minus the fact one is a vampire and one is a werewolf). Yet she drags them both along. Or I should say she drags Jacob along. It made me feel sorry for him. She doesn't want him and he knows it but he keeps hanging on hoping that she will change her mind, and she keeps him hanging on knowing full well he will never be more than a back-up plan.

I think we have all been there, done that playing one of those roles during our teenage years.

Friday evening I had an unexpected phone-date with Marine. He had woken up early so while everyone else slept he was able to use the phone. Still hard for me to get used to the time difference and as I watched the sun set on my day, he was watching the sun rise on a new day for him. It was wonderful to get to actually talk longer than the average 15 minute phone calls we have become so accustomed to. We were able to talk about an hour before he had to go.

Saturday was family day. I got to Marine's grandparents house around 4 for the cookout. It's funny how I used to be so nervous about going to family functions without Marine and now I am completely comfortable (but still ready for him to be home to be able to go with me!). Marine's family is great and I enjoyed visiting with his grandparents, aunt and uncle, cousin's and of course Marine-Mom, Marine-Stepdad and Marine-Sis.

After cooking out we headed to town to walk in the 4th of July Parade. There had been an ad in the local paper inviting family members of active military to walk in the parade. Marine-Mom had asked if I would like to walk with them. So Marines family, myself and Marine1's mom all walked.

It was a hot day and this was the first parade I had been in where I had not rode Horse. But it was fun and despite how much this would have probably embarrassed my modest Marine, it was nice.

(I'm the one with the blue circle with white star) 

Friday night when on the phone with Marine I told him we were going to walk in the parade.

Marine, "well if that makes you happy."

I laugh and tell him, "I'm going to wear my I heart Marine (replace Marine with his real name) shirt."

Silence.

So not getting my joke.

"I'm just kidding!" lol "I would never embarrass you like that." I laugh telling him.

"I highly doubt that." He laughs.

After the parade I headed a horse show and took Marine-Sis along with me.

It's that time again. Week of the Horse. Little over one week. Every night horse show. It started Friday night and will end this Saturday night. Last year I went every single night. It was exhausting! This year I'm not as hardcore. Also I have to work and lets face it, it gets expensive showing every night.

So this year I plan on just doing a few nights. Mom, Marine-Sis and I visited with Vixen and Vixen's Lil Sis and other members of my saddle club. From where we sat watching the show we were able to watch the fireworks in the distance.

There's just always something magical about fireworks. Makes you feel like a kid again as you watch them with wonder and amazement.

This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.  

~ Elmer Davis ~

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July! Hope you all have a safe and happy one with family and friends.

Please keep our troops in your prayers.

Goodbye June, HELLO JULY!

Goodbye June..... Hello July!

Another month down!

So I have gotten to hear from Marine twice this week; a pleasant surprise! I never know when the next phone call will be so when I receive one it just makes my day.

I know I've said it before and I'm going to say it again - I'm ready for this deployment to be over!

I never understood or could have imagined the things that would go thru my mind during this time.

With that said I'll move on to other topics.

Tonight I am going with some friends to see Eclipse. Looking forward to seeing what was probably my favorite part of the series.

Another week is almost down. Is it sad that I just want time to fly by?

Dear Deployment

Dear Deployment,

From the beginning I knew that you and I would never be friends. But that we were both apart of Marine's life and that we would have to learn to co-exist. All I ask is that you keep him safe and when his time is done you will send him back home to me.

You were inevitable though so no-sense trying to avoid you.

I read all the articles. Tried to soak in the advice that was offered.

And lets face it I shoved you to the back of my mind much like I do that bad pair of shoes I just had to have (I mean really what was I thinking?).

Nonetheless the time for you arrived and with a final hug and kiss from me Marine was off on the journey he had to face with you. I knew this journey would not be easy for him but never did I pause to think about the journey I would have to go thru as well.

I didn't realize the sleepless nights that would soon become normal.

Nor did I anticipate the knot that would appear in my stomach each morning as I get ready for work - praying the entire time for Marine's safety and praying that there will not be a knock on my door.

I had never thought about what may happen after you return Marine to me. But my friends have asked "what if he's changed?"

Well Deployment I just want to let you know that I don't care if your time with Marine changes him - I'll still love him. And I will still stand beside him and do whatever I can to help him deal with the after effects of you.

You are a harsh lover.

I just beg of you to continue to keep Marine safe.

With that said, I am counting down the days.... and can't help but ask myself: Are we there yet?


E.

P.I.N.T. This & That

Maniac Monday

Thank you everyone for the kind words this past week.

It meant a lot.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!! Will try to get back in the swing of things later. Things have been crazy hectic lately...... does that have something to do with it being summer? Or is the moon in some kind of weird thingy-ma-bob right now?

The Bunny That Stole My Heart

Sometimes the right decision is not the easiest.

As I stood today in the vets office I knew that the decision I had to make was not really the one that I wanted to make.......

It all started Monday morning. As every morning right before I leave for work I feed Harley. I opened the door and reached in for the food dish. Harley did not greet me at the door as normal but laid off to the side.

"Harley what are you doing still sleeping?" I asked (yes I talk to my pets).

He remained still staring at me. The only movement the twitching of his eye.

I reached in and petted him.This normally would would gain me some kind of reaction.

Harley may be small but he's quite spunky.

"What's wrong sweetie?" I reach in to pick him up.

All chaos breaks loose. He falls to his side and starts flailing about in what I believe to be seizers. I pet him and speak soothingly try to calm him down. It finally works.

I pull out my cellphone and call the vet. He was fine Sunday evening and I tell the vet that maybe he was stung by something and I just didn't notice. They tell me to bring him in.

I call in to work and tell them I'm going to be late.

Harley is keeping his head tilted to the left and his eye will not stop twitching.

At the vets office I learn my first shocker.... my sweet little girl bunny is a boy (I reported this in Post It Note Tuesday also).  

Vet: "He seems to....."
Me: "She."
Vet looking up at me: "He."
Me: "I was told it was a girl."
Vet flipping Harley over and pulls away hair: "Definitely a boy. When there so young it's hard to tell."

She then proceeds to tell me that Harley has an ear infection and it has caused his brain to swell. The left ear is the infected one, hence the head tilt.

Immediately I think I have done something wrong and have neglected my precious Harley. "What can I do to prevent it in the future?"

The Vet seems to understand my underlying question and explains that its the inner ear and there is really no way to clean it. That inner ear infections are common in dwarf rabbits.

She gives Harley two shots and prescribes two different types of antibiotics for me to give him. I ask if he will be ok. She looks at me as if she wished I wouldn't have asked and tells me that it depends if he has parasites in his ear that have made it to the brain. But that one of the medications is for that so he should be fine but that we will need to come back Wednesday for a check up.

Monday he seemed to be doing a little better. Tuesday he was no better. He wouldn't eat or drink. And he wouldn't move from where he was propped up on the side of the smaller crate he now occupied so he could be in my room and I could keep an eye on him.

The past days I have even taken him to work with me and he has chilled in his small crate under my desk. Every 30 minutes I hold the water bottle up to him so he will drink. Otherwise I knew he would not drink on his own. Last night I could tell his eyesight was faltering.

This morning I picked grass hoping he would eat some of that since he didn't want any hay or his grain.

As I prepared to leave for work I cleaned out his crate. I loaded the car and came back inside for him. He was soaking wet on his right side. "Did we spill some water while you were drinking?" I open the door. His entire left side is soaking wet. Then I realized he has used the bathroom and then because his equilabrum is off  he feel down in it.

"Oh Harley I'm so sorry." I take him out of the crate and place him in the kitchen sink and proceed to wash him with a warm wash cloth. I again clean out the crate and apply fresh bedding and Harley and I head for work.

This afternoon we went back to the vet and I knew what I would be told but I hoped for the best.

Monday he had weighed a little over 3 pounds today he weighed right at 2 pounds. In two days he had lost a pound.

The Vet tells me she can give him another steroid shot but that it would just prolong him and if he won't eat he might starve himself.

I don't want him to be in pain. But I wanted so bad for him to just be ok.

I ask her if there is any chance he can recover and be ok.

She tells me the chances are slim that the brain swelling has not decreased and that the antibiotics should have made a difference by now. If by some chance he did make it thru this his quality of life would never be the same.

I thought about how every evening after work I would sit out in the yard as he played and ran around. He knew his name and would come when I called. How many rabbits do that?

I think about the first time he figured out how to climb the front porch steps but then was to scared to climb down and I had to go get him. I remember how just a few weeks ago he had finally climbed them and then climbed back down; so proud of himself for this small achievement.

I think of him getting mad at me when I would tell him no or not to go somewhere outside and he would "flip me off" - as mom would say - this is when he would turn his but to me and kick up his back feet.

Yeah there is no way he would want to live his life in a cage not aloud to get out and enjoy the beautiful outdoors.

Tears well in my eyes and I know that I can't be selfish. I can't keep holding on hoping he will get better while the entire time he suffers.

"I know you can't tell me what to do. But I need you to tell me that he's not going to be ok. That there is no hope."

"The medicines should have worked by now. If we continue to give them to him it will only be prolonging it." (of course her speech was a little longer...)

She asks if I would like a minute alone. And I tell her I would.

I sit down in the chair and hold Harley close to me. I cry. I can't help it.

The Vet comes in and I pet Harley one last time and tell her I will wait in the waiting room.

I try to suck up my tears but with tear streaked face and red eyes as I enter the waiting room all faces look at me sympathetically.

I told the vet I wanted to take Harley with me. I couldn't leave him here. I had to bury him at home.

A sympathetic assistant brings out the carrier and I leave the office as quickly as I can. As soon as I walk out the door I let the tears fall.

When I'm in the 4runner I no longer hold back and let all the tears of the past month out.

During those last minutes it was just me and Harley I wanted nothing more than to pick up the phone and call Marine and ask him if I was making the right decision.

Marine gave me Harley the day of his deployment. I know it sounds silly but loosing Harley made me feel like I was loosing a small piece of Marine to.

Harley was only four months old.... how is life fair that he was fine one day and then deathly ill the next?

I buried him down at the barn under a small tree that I had seen wild bunnies under just days before.

I'm going to miss him and as hard as it was I know I made the right decision.

At the same time I have cried more tears than possibly anyone has over a rabbit.

Tuesday Notes

Making The Best Of Any Situation

So I know I was a little frazzled last week (missed it? check here). Thanks for sticking with me. I appreciate all the comments and advice.

I have calmed down and decided to make the best of the situation. Cause really what else is there to do?

Maybe it will be fun planning stuff with Blondie.

With that said I made a few frantic calls last week securing in some details; afraid that some vendors may not want to work weddings two weekends in a row. I had done the research and had my first choices already selected. Just need to finalize the details.

I booked a photographer.

Double checked with the carter.

And confirmed with the DJ.

The only thing left I really needed to do was pick bridesmaids. This is the one part of the wedding I have stressed the most about. How can I possibly pick between my friends? I am close to them all in different ways. I love them all -- how was I to choose?

Well I came to a solution.

I wasn't going to choose. They were.

Perhaps it was unorthodox but I found myself last night typing an email to my nine close friends (Giggles, Vixen, Vivi, Hollywood, Babbles, Conscious, Nurse Betty, LC and Blondie).

I would sum it up but instead I'll just let you read the email:

Hi Everybody,

Ok so I'm sorry to send this in an email but I wanted to ask you all at one time and all of us being together at one time is a little difficult! 

The most difficult decision I have had when figuring out wedding details is picking bridesmaids. So I'm asking you to do it for me!! You are all my closest friends and there is no way I can choose between you. At the same time I know a lot goes in to being a bridesmaid - time as well as money. And it will not hurt my feelings one bit if some of you cannot be bridesmaids. I UNDERSTAND!!! There are other things I will need help with that day if you would like to be involved but not a bridesmaids. Or if you want to just show up and have fun and drink I'm cool with that to :) 

I can't really afford to pay for everyones dresses and I understand that money is tight with everyone now so I don't want to ask you and you say yes out of obligation but feel you can't really afford. Plus I know right now we are all at different places in our lives and that some of you may have to many other obligations. And I'm ok with that. It will not hurt my feelings one bit!! I promise!! :) Like I said though I love you all and there is no way I can choose between you.

Attached are the two bridesmaids dresses you can choose between if you do want to be one they are both $135. I know that is a lot and like I said I completely understand either way :) 

Love you all and look forward to hearing from you!!

~E

PS I know this is not normal. But you all know I'm not normal :)

As soon as I hit send I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I didn't want anyones feelings hurt if I didn't ask them, nor did I want to ask someone to be in it that really didn't want to be. Plus I know its expensive. And I meant it that my feelings won't be hurt either way.

Vixen frantically asks me what if everyone says yes?

I tell her that I will be thankful, honored and blessed to have my best friends in my wedding.

Still frantic she asks, "Does Marine have that many groomsman?"

"Probably not." I answer honestly.

"Well what will you do then?"

"Make it work. They don't have to match." I reply much to her horror I think.

I'm over stressing. I want our wedding to be beautiful - yet fun and relaxing. I can't control everything. Things will go wrong, I'm sure. But I'm happy knowing that day that I will marry Marine. Nothing else matters.

I'm ok with having uneven numbers. Two Bridesmaids per Groomsman. Doubt anyone will mind.

Sometimes things have to be a little imperfect for them to be perfect.

TMI ~ It Could Happen

In a phone conversation with Marine.....

E: "I think my virginity is growing back."

Marine laughing, "Well that's good."