Rose Bowl

Yesterday I left work and headed for Vixen's where the food was great and the conversations were wonderful! As I sat with my five best friends around the patio table I didn't think this day could get any better! Our lives can be so hectic it's sometimes hard for all of us to get together. These girls will always come first and at some point over the years we stopped being just friends and became sisters. Of course I am talking about Vixen, Vivi, Blondie, Giggles, and Conscious (check updates with Who's who if you need to). As we sat at the table visiting and laughing Vixen's fiance walked by and made the comment about all of us talking, "this can't be good." And with us he may be right. When we get together we can do anything and we discuss anything and everything from coloring to taking over the world ~ which we have not yet figured out how to do but give us time. :) It was great!

You girls are the loves of her life, a guy is lucky to come in fourth

~ Mr. Big SATC ~

The hours pass to quickly and it is time to head home. Vivi and I sit on the back porch as Hyper runs around the yard attacking anything and everything. Poor strand of Ivy, never saw her coming. And as I said I didn't think this day could get any better..... then my phone went off and the Id showed a number I did not know. Hesitantly I picked up to discover it was Fire Guy! The Rose Bowl was about to come on and he said he was watching it. So Vivi encourages me to invite him over to the house to watch the game with us. Maybe I should point out here that I am sober and Vivi has had a few glasses of wine and is in rare form! So I ask and he says yes! A short time later he gets to the house. I had told Vivi he was cute but she informed me, "he is not cute, he is HOT!!!" So let me say he is the kinda Fire Guy you would let rescue you any day.

Now I will add that Vivi had an interesting day and had locked the keys in her car (to which Don Juan and Big were no help ~ deduction of brownie points). As we watch the game Vivi says something about locking her keys in the car. Fire Guy says he is confident that with a hanger he can get it open. So at half time we grab a flashlight and hanger and head outside. After several attempts he is not successful, but he doesn't give up. He pulls out his cellphone and places a call. Twenty minutes later the keys are out of the car without costing Vivi anything for our stupidity. (Yeah he gets brownie points for getting things done).

Once the game is over he tells us goodnight and I walk him out. He asks when I want to go kayaking (would that be considered a date?) and I tell him anytime just to let me know. He smiles and tells me he'll give me a call. Vivi's advice is I need to fake drowning so he can give me mouth to mouth..... which may not be a bad idea. lol

Either way it was a great day. Hopefully he'll call again and maybe we can hangout. And me kayaking? Yeah that could be a funny experience!

"Hello, 911. I'm on fire!"

Samantha (upon seeing a firefighter) SATC

Reflecting

Is it bad that it is now Monday morning and I still feel slightly affected from the rum Saturday? Yeah I thought so to. So let me give you a recap of my weekend. And let me tell you this was a fun weekend that may have had to many exciting events.

I'll start out with Friday. Vivi, Blondie, Vixen and myself started out with diner at the sports bar and made our way around town from there. I won't discuss much of Friday night but any night you actually think it's a good idea to ride a mechanical bull is a fun night! Once home I get a phone call from Big. Long story short he had swerved to miss a deer and ran off the road. So of course I went and got him and then helped him all Saturday morning to get things straightened out.

Now Saturday was a fun day! Probably one of the most fun days I have had in awhile. Vivi, Blondie, Don Juan, Big and myself loaded up and headed 40 minutes south to a sports bar that was showing our College teams football game. Now I should state here come football season we are all big supporters of our favorite college team. So we get to the sports bar thats showing the game and it's packed! Here we meet up with 2 of Big's other friends who I will just call Guy 1 and Guy 2. After some waiting we get a table and settle in to eat, drink and watch the game. We ran into another group of friends who had also come to watch the game. It was nice to see some of these people who I was so close to before X and I split, mainly the guys, cause honestly some of their girlfriends are just a little to fake if you know what I mean. Overall I think everyone had a good time. After the game we headed back to town to sportsbar to visit with bartender. With our big group the place was packed as we all visited enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. Up until this point many suspected Big and I might have something going on but very few knew the truth. Well after Saturday I think it's safe to say I think everyone knows. I may as well have had on a shirt that said, "I'm with Big" (which Vivi is taken care of for me) ~ and I should point out he is the one who let the cat out of the bag. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Not sure yet. I kinda liked the idea of it being a secret but maybe its a good sign he is now telling everyone. Who knows. Overall it was a great day!

But in reflection we all know I care about Big but do I ever really see myself with him? I'm 50/50. After this weekend I thought "How could I ever want to date him" but then Vivi was so nice to point out how happy I can be when he is around.

Sunday Vivi, Blondie and myself headed to the lake where we laid in the sun relaxing. Weekends like this I feel so lucky and so blessed to have such great friends. And how lucky are we to be able to go the lake anytime we want? Blondie's parents have a house and boat dock right on the lake. Great for those lazy day recoveries!

And today is labor day. I decided to work half a day since I will be gone on the cruise this next week. But this afternoon I will be headed to Vixen's for a cookout with all our friends. So here's to great friends, great times, and great food!

Drunken Thoughts

Ok I wrote this in my phone one drunken night with the intentions of blogging it and never got around to posting it till now 9/26/08 but I am dating it for the date I originally wrote it. This was the deer miss/wreck night. Apparently I tend to get philosophical after a few drinks:



Why at times are we so stupid? Why when we know better do we still care? And why do friends tend to want to tell you the truth when they know you can't handle it? And when you tell them your cool do they get mad at you? Life is full of so many unanswered questions. When do the questions end and the answers start coming? I know Big and I will never end with happy ever after but can I not live in the present and be happy without everyone judging me for it? I don't judge them and the choices they make so why am I now on trial? I love him. There I said it. I can't help it. I always have and probably always will. Is that wrong? Yes, perhaps. I know she is just looking out for me but its my life to live. My mistakes to make. I know this is a mistake I continue to make and not learn from but that's my choice. Right? I know she just wants whats best for me but.........

~ Lady Luck ~

For some reason I have been in such a good mood lately. As I said before I feel like things are going to start going my way. Well it seems they are! In two weeks Blondie, Vivi, Vixen and myself will board a plan headed to warm tropical destinations. Once we land we will board a cruise in which we plan on soaking up the sun while drinking drinks that require little umbrella's. Yes, we plan on being young and carefree! I can't wait I've never flown before so I'll admit I'm a little nervous.... but hey I got 3 of my best friends with me so I know I'll be ok!

Maybe I'm in such a good mood that nothing will bring me down... so I go to pick up lunch today and I have the sudden urge to talk to Big. I quickly push this feeling aside, refusing to make contact with him. I sit at the drive-thru waiting on my lunch (which I might add here was not good) and that little voice once again persists that I send Big a text. I'm in such a good mood I think what the hell and dig my phone out of my purse. I sent a quick 'hope your having a good day' text and instantly feel glad I sent it. Why? Not sure just one of those weird vibes. I didn't expect him to reply, but Big, always being full of surprises, did. This time my heart didn't flutter as it usually does and I didn't feel those butterflies in my stomach that so often go along with contact from him. Maybe I really am letting go....... I know you just told yourself 'yeah right'. And I know your right I mean after all it's Big. Can one really ever let their version of Big go? Even when we think we have, we are only fooling ourselves. He's like a scar that will never truly fade. And you know I think I'm ok with that. I just have to stop making him something that he's not and probably never will be. I need to see him for who he is not the person I want him to be.

"There's always that one guy that you will always go back to. Even though you

date other people in between, you always in the back of

your mind hoping you run into that guy"

~unknown

"do you realize what you are to me? what your always going to be?

your my first love. the love of my life.

there will never be another you."

~Unkonwn

Finding the Proverbial Mr. Big

This morning I check my daily Tarot card reading and this is the first part:

Beware of setting your sights too high in matters of the heart today, dear E. The pairing of the Fool and the Moon indicates that your hopes are sure to be dashed. You have a tendency to idealize the people you love, but reality will show you that you've invested too much in them or in your relationship. Which is why you're in danger of being disillusioned. Remember, nobody's perfect.

This is so true, when I really like someone I tend to make them out to be perfect and that they have no flaws. Or maybe it's that I'm blinded to them..... either way I look for only the good in them. This is how I think I have always been with Big and even for awhile with X. I know his flaws but I choose not to see him.

"And so, at last, the book has a real ending, in which Carrie and Mr. Big break up. It's a bittersweet ending - not just the end of Carrie's relationship with Mr. Big, but the end of her dream of finding the proverbial Mr. Big - a man who doesn't really exist. If you read closely, you'll discover that even Mr. Big himself points out that he is a fantasy in Carrie's imagination, and that you can't love a fantasy. And so we leave Carrie to enter a new phase in her life when she understands that she will have to find herself (without a man), and in doing so with hopefully be able to find a relationship"

(Bushnell, 2001).

I could not have said it better myself. So here I am, without a man, and finding myself once again. And you know what? It's a great thing! I can honestly say that I'm happy. I mean I have my highs and lows but overall I'm doing ok and I know I'm going to make it.

So to follow up yesterday the last message I got from Fire Guy said, "okay doll take care and ill call!" Will he really call? The exclamation point at the end leads me to believe that he may actually call. Only time will tell. But I'm ready for a new adventure.

Taking Chances

Today at work I checked my horoscope and it said that today luck will be on my side. So with that in mind and the fact I am in way to chipper of a mood I decide to make contact with Fire Guy. Remember Fire Guy? He's the one I met at the company get together this last weekend. Well I'm friends with him on myspace so I send a quick message ~ just a basic hi, how are you - type message. The way I see it I have nothing to lose ~ yep here comes my go-get-it personality coming out.

So he replied! And the conversation has continued on through several messages. But good news I guess ~ he has invited me to go kayaking sometime. Which is something I have never tried, but hey I'll try about anything at least once. No definite date set or anything. But it brings a smile to my face none the less.

Sometimes in life you have to take chances. Throw the "what if's" to the side and just go for it. The results can be good or sometimes bad, but at least you'll never wonder what if. Life's to short to be anything but happy. I'm learning that more and more everyday. Will Fire Guy turn into my first date as a newly single girl? Not sure yet. Perhaps. And perhaps not.

Ok just got a message asking when I want to go so I gave him my number. So we will see. Maybe today luck is on my side....

I Miss You

Today has seemed to be a little hectic and scattered. The new job is getting better therefor I'm staying a little busier. Great for job security, but bad because not enough time to write. Anyway things are starting to look up I believe. Is it blind faith? Or just hope that things will get better because they can't get much worse? I'm not sure. But I think things are going to start going my way. Why? Because I'm going to make them. Plain and simple. You are only as happy as you allow yourself to be. I believe that. No one can make you happy but you; others can help but you alone hold the power. Anyway that's my rambling for today.

So works busy. Went to lunch with Blondie and Giggles. It was nice to get out of the office for a bit. We were going to have drinks, but to many witnesses were around to be drinking with lunch..... maybe another day. After lunch I checked myspace and was informed I had one new message. And there in my inbox was a message from an old friend. The message held one lone sentence, "I miss you." It was as if the world around me stopped and all the chaos ceased as I sat in my bubble and stared at the computer screen and those three, lone words.

Instantly it brought a smile to my face - it's nice to know someone is thinking about you. But then I started reflecting on the different journeys life takes us on. How is that someone goes from being a close friend to an old friend? And it seems that this can happen so quickly you may never even realize that it has happened. For a moment I became nostalgic and thought back on many fond memories. But my trip down memory lane was cut short and I was forced to come back to the present. To much to do today, that road trip will have to be left for another day.

He's not my boyfriend, he's just someone I'm trying on.

~Carrie SATC

It's Big, It's Pink.....

It's an elephant. Big and X did go together to take the test. How do I know? X told me. Weird? You bet! Today Don Juan and I were texting back and forth (he asked if I might want to be his new roommate - go into that later) and I asked him if Big was serious. And Don Juan said yes that Big is serious about joining. So how do you like that for turn of events? And Big will not talk to me. Yeah so that's the end of that.

Now back to being roomies with Don Juan. It has it's pros and cons. Location would be a big pro. But I've seen this boys idea of housekeeping and let me tell ya it's a far cry from my own. It's not time to cross this bridge just yet so I'll leave these thoughts for another day.

Today I also created a who's who page if your having trouble keeping all the characters straight. The link is to the right or http://sites.google.com/site/lifeofasinglegirl/Home/whos-who

Hope that helps!

The Pink Elephant

Last night I was. Home. Alone. And. Bored. So I picked up the phone and texted one of my best guy friends, Don Juan. Normally we do Sunday movie night but life has been so hectic lately we haven't done one in awhile and I was in need of quality time with the guys. I enjoy hanging with my girls but sometimes you just need to be one of the guys. I guess because for so many years I was one of the guys -I need those days every once in awhile to recapture those young, carefree days. And they are always fun and entertaining and sometimes a little interesting. Now I know what your thinking isn't Don Juan Big's roommate? And the answer is yes. But Don Juan and I have been friends for years and no matter who either of us dates or whatever, we are friends no matter what. That's the bottom line. Has been and always will be.

So I head over hoping Big will not be there but I prepare myself in case he is. I haven't spoken to him in over a week so I'm a little nervous. I pull in the driveway and there is his truck. And Don Juan's car. And now brace yourself..... another vehicle. Crap. I had not prepared myself for the possible "worst case scenario" - what if he has another girl here?

I enter the house and Don Juan is sitting on the couch waiting for me. Big's door is closed and I can hear the noise of a football game coming from within. I keep my cool and head for the comfy chair. Yes, you know what I'm talking about that big overstuffed chair that every bachelor guy's-guy has. The one that is so comfortable when you sit down it feels as if it wraps it's arms around you. I quickly claim it and we start discussing which movie to watch. Then out comes Big. He says hi and is all friendly. Asking the "how are you", "what have you been up to", generic questions. I answer all the while thinking, "if you'd reply to your text messages you'd effing know." But alas I bit my tongue. By this time my mind has started to work and I realize no one else is here (I admit I felt a little relieved) and that the vehicle in question belonged to Don Juan's mom if I remember correctly...... so anyway Big is nice. I'm nice.

Then our other friend RC shows up. Now RC is a cutie and funny as hell but way to young! I think he is early twenties.... anyway so Big returns to his football game and Don Juan, RC and myself watch Fools Gold. I had fun hanging with the guys. Then as I start to leave I debate on weather I should tell Big bye or not and decide that I should. So I go to his door, I don't knock but open the door - he's laying on the bed watching a boxing match. I tell him bye and that I'm going home. He replies, "your leaving?"........................ did you just ask yourself what the hell?! Yeah I did to.............. So I answer yes and he says, "well come give me a hug."

I do and close his door again feeling utterly confused. I hug Don Juan and RC bye and RC so young but at times so thoughtful tells me it's raining and to be careful driving home.

Now to make the night more interesting I forgot to mention X called Don Juan to ask if Big was going to go with him Monday to take the military test. Great just great. I don't know the answer. Did they go together today or not? Don't know. If they did I feel as if there is a big pink elephant in the car. Riding in the backseat. You know it's there but you don't want to acknowledge the fact it's there. And I hope that my name DOES NOT come up!! But what else do they have in common really? So I'm sweating that a little today. And I know this new 'friendship' is why Big has backed off. Just wish he had the guts (or balls) to tell me. And trust me if they go together that pink elephant will have to have had a few drinks to survive that trip! lol

So back to last night. I go home and on the way I sent Big a text asking what's up. It was nice, yet to the point. Did he reply? No and I knew he wouldn't but I felt better for having spoken my mind. I'm not upset. Why? Because with Big I just know deep down that it's never really over. For better or worse he'll always be there if I really need him. Still not sure if that is a good thing...... and once home I got a nice text from RC asking if I made if home okay. It wasn't from the person I wanted it to be from but it was nice to know that RC, no matter how young he is, can be a gentleman at times. The world needs more nice guys.

Miranda: Men—wait, let me rephrase that—some men...

Carrie: Good move, counselor. That will look much better

on the court transcripts of this dinner.

SATC

Tiki TIme

Last night was the office cookout I wrote about a few weeks ago, and no I didn't ask Big. After getting the invitation I decided to hold off a few weeks on asking him, and after finding out it was not only an office party but a who's-who-of-a-small-town-party I decided it best I go solo. Or better yet take Blondie. So that is what I did. We arrived around 5:30 and mingled a bit. Us and two other friends being about the youngest ones there. So here's how the night broke down:

• Me and Blondie were the only ones not drinking (didn't think it wise to get drunk at 1st office party)
• Got hit on by an old guy, who no one seemed to know who he was
• Smiled as introduced to people who I will never remember their names
• When in doubt smile and nod
• Took part in pointless conversation
  

Then in walked a cute guy about our age, the night started looking up - Fire Guy. At seeing me and Blondie he smiled and came over to say hi. --- Maybe I should mention here that he was not a random stranger and that we do know him ---- He was nice, charming, and I quickly considered him as potential first date material. We talked awhile and then I walked away hoping that I was having the leave-them-wanting-more affect. From here I visited a little longer with our two friends at the party, shook some more hands, and of course more smiles and nods. Then it was time to go. Blondie and I said our good byes. And come to find out Fire Guy's dad knows my mom and tells me I look just like her -Which I get all the time and I do take it as a compliment. Fire Guy smiles and we tell him goodbye. For some reason just having a good conversation with a guy cheered me up. Gave me hope, perhaps. Good guys are out there. They do exist and one day I'll find the right one for me.