Wedding Weekend

Saturday morning text to Vixen,

"so I don't need to go anywhere without you anymore. I drank a bottle of rum last night. A bottle!!! Well 80% of one, and I made out with a groomsman! Wait it gets better. Not just any groomsman..... ____!! I don't need to drink anymore but in my defense it was not my fault! I was talking and he just leaned over and kissed me. I was just so excited that someone wanted to kiss me even though got the braces! "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After getting home late Thursday (from probably the best concert I have been to all year) the Friday morning alarm sounded a little to early. My headed pounded in protest as I rolled out of bed and headed in search of caffeine.

I grab a Dr Pepper and sit down closing my eyes willing the pounding to go away. My phone goes off. My eyes still closed I reach for it and half crack one eye to read the new message, "Can you meet us at 1 instead?"

Crap!! Like a cartoon character my eyes bug out as I realize I have just lost about an hour and half off of my already tight schedule. Feeling there is no other choice I type back 'yes' as I race for the shower.

It was Friday. Friday of Alice's wedding weekend. Out of town wedding weekend, I might add. Originally she had asked me to be a bridesmaid, but lets face it I really don't have the extra $200 to shell out for a dress I will wear once. Already having 7 bridesmaids she understood but asked if I would still come down for the whole weekend as if I were one. I had agreed.

But not really knowing the grooms family that well I hated to seem like a party crasher of the rehearsal and rehearsal diner. So a few weeks ago when one of the groomsman (and one of my guy friends) asked if I had a date for the wedding. I told him no. With a laugh he said he didn't either and suggested we be each others dates. I agreed. Problem solved. I now had my ticket to sit at the wedding party table, etc.

Originally I was going to ride down with one of the bridesmaids I didn't know and Punk-Rock-Chick. But then bridesmaid's boyfriend and sister decided to ride down with them leaving no room for me. Oh well. No problem. I call my WD (wedding date ~ and perhaps I should stress here we are just friends) to see if there is room for me ride down with him. He tells me sure it is him and three of the other groomsman but that there is plenty of room in the Tahoe for me. He then tells me to meet GM1 (I'll just start numbering them ~ there is 7 of them so its not like your going to keep them straight anyway) and ride south with him and the others who are meeting him at his work.


So in my post concert daze I hurriedly throw clothes into a suitcase. Did I pay attention to what I was packing? Not really. I figured as long as I had my two dresses (one for rehearsal, one for wedding), makeup, straightener, and hair dryer I would be ok and that the other clothes didn't really matter.


Now to complete my to do list before meeting the boys......

A few short hours later I pulled into Punk-Rock-Chick's apartment complex doing mach 90. I hand her my two dresses (she had offered to put them in her garment bag so they wouldn't get wrinkled), and dashed with my suitcase and bottle of rum to GM1's car. I toss the suitcase in the trunk and hop in the backseat.... Instead of just two GM's in the car there is a third guy whom I do not really know. The math going thru my head is there are 4 of us and we are picking up 2 more people...... hhhmmmm....

Oh well.

The end result being that it was me and three guys crammed in the backseat of the Tahoe. What happened to the third row seating you may ask? It was laid down cause the back was full of Golf clubs and suitcases. The result of the car ride being that I have decided next wedding I am I want to be a groomsman. Screw being a bridesmaid!!

So in reality there really wasn't enough room for me to ride with them. They were all very good sports though and welcomed me, not complaining once about how cramped we were in the back seat. The three hour ride was funny to say the least. It also gave me time to come up with the Date Report Card. WD on the way down was talking about an out town bridesmaid who he had seen pictures of and thought was cute. Of course I tell him that hitting on another girl while on a date with me will make him lose a Date Point. It was all in good fun and we all laugh as the guys agree to help me judge WD.

Now lets fastforward --> --> --> we beat Punk-Rock-Chick to lodge, she has my dress, they are running late, so have to wear capris and t-shit to rehearsal instead of cute dress. Sigh, oh well --> --> --> rehearsal = good --> --> --> rehearsal diner = great food, bartender messed up my drink so got it free (tipped her still cause was made stout and started out the night well) --> --> --> back to lodge.

At the lodge we all head out back by the lake where the reception is going to be. The docks and lawn are full of the Bride and Groom's family and friends (Bridesmaids, Groomsmans). Then one of the Groom's friends arrive with a keg.


I stick to my rum though and share with some of the brides cousins as every one lounges around enjoying the cool night air. But as the sun goes down the noise level rises. The next thing I know there are people doing Keg stands and I'm not just talking about the young people! I saw several uncles as well as the brides father do a keg stand. This weekend was starting to shape into a more fun one that I had anticipated.


Having been in a serious relationship since I was 18 I never really had that keg-stand-party-college-experience. But as I had people trying to talk me into doing a keg stand I had a feeling this is what college may have been like had I been single.


So yeah I ended up doing my first keg stand. But me being me I sat back nonchalantly watching other guys and girls go keeping up with the final count each girl had. I mean after all if I was going to do this I was going to be the best. Yes, everything is a competition.

Finally I let GB (grooms brother) drag me by the hand toward the keg. And yes I ended up being the girl champion while GB was the guy champ. Meanwhile WD is flirting up the out of town bridesmaid who is really fun and I had instantly hit it off with. So as WD spit his game we all sat back laughing and taking bets as if it would work or not. During this one of the guys walks up behind GB (who is in a chair directly across from me) and makes hand motions toward me and GB. I get the gist and smile and shake my head no. He shakes his head yes and walks off.


Bride's cousin brings me another drink and at this point I realize I have had way to much (as in over 75% of the bottle). The crowd is thinning and I find myself and GB swinging on the swing as a few other stragglers hang around. I say I have to go up to the lodge to the bathroom. GB says he will walk with me so he can get a dry shirt. Earlier in the night WD was pushed/fell (still up for debate) in the lake when he did he grabbed for GB to pull him in to but GB leaned back and let WD go in alone but in the process WD pulled GB's shirt over his head and into the lake to.


We walked up to the lodge talking but I could not tell you about what. We entered the building and I headed for the restroom. In my drunken haze I figured I would come out and he would be gone. So imagine my surprise as I came out of the bathroom to see him leaning against the opposite wall waiting on me.

And lets just say GB is pretty good looking and with his shirt off he is cut in all the right places.

He said something about me going with him to get a dry shirt and I followed him to the elevator. At this point the rum and beer is in full effect and as Girlfriend says I had hit "the fun part". We ride the elevator up to the top floor and exit. He glances both ways trying to remember where the room is. I follow him but as he slides his key in and goes inside I wander down the hall and stand to gaze out the window. The door had been left ajar so I could enter behind him but with everyone being downstairs I knew if someone came up and I was in the room it would not look good and assumptions would be made. Yeah even drunk I worry about what others think.

I heard him come up behind me and I turned around so that I was sitting on the ledge. He said something and I said something.... I can't recall what...... then I am looking at him talking and I see him lean forward. I keep talking as he leans further forward my brain not comprehending what is about to happen. Then his lips softly touch mine.

At this point the fact I am standing in the hallway making out with the Grooms Brother does not cross my mind. All I can think is that even with my braces he kissed me!! (Yes, since the accident the braces have made me feel a little self concious, perhaps because they make me look 17). And yeah I pulled away and started rambling about the fact and wanted him to confirm that he wanted to kiss me despite the braces. Yes I am a true dork who when drinking really says EVERYTHING that comes to mind.


He laughs and says yes. He leans in to kiss me again and I hear footsteps coming down the hall and we pull apart. GB is pretty solid and blocks me but I see past him that it is a drunk Uncle wandering up to his room. Busted. Oh well say he has had as much to drink as us and won't remember.....


I tell him we need to go back outside. He takes my hand and as we enter the elevator he leans down to kiss me again.


If you can't tell I love to kiss! I think there is nothing better than to be kissed. Especially when I have been drinking, cause then I have more courage. hehe.

We exit the lodge and head back for the swing. Everyone is gone. The place is cleared out..... How long were we gone? How did we miss the other groomsmen if they had headed back up to the room?


We walk out onto the dock and sit down our legs hanging over the side. We lay backwards, our feet dangling looking up at the stars. It's one of those moments the hopeless romantic within (if she still existed) would have loved. It was so peaceful. Then he leaned over and kissed me again.





The night air was growing cold and before long we headed back for the lodge. The elevator stopped on my floor and I exited it, my knees slightly weak from the rum or the kiss I'm not real sure. I exit the elevator and turn to tell him good night. Before I can walk off he has stepped off the elevator and pulled me close for one last kiss. He smiles as he backs back into the elevator and as I watch him go I think how good looking he is and that just once it might be ok to not be the good girl. I shake the thought from my head and turn in the direction of my room.






I am in the easiest room number ever 222. Really how hard is that to remember? Its not hard to remember.... just hard to find. The lodge has some kind of effed up numbering system! I find 221... next to it 217 I turn in a circle.... no 222. Shit.






GB is gone and I am standing in the hallway lost. Maybe I should have let him walk me to my room..... But lets face it I like to keep my secrets. I pull out the Blackberry and call Girlfriend who I was supposed to call to let me in the room anyway since I had given her my key hours earlier.





Girlfriend: "Hello?"


Me giggling: "I can't find the room!"




Girlfriend: "222."





Me: "I know I'm in front of 221, I don't see 222."





I hear a door open and GirlFriend pokes her head out laughing despite the early hour, "Get your drunk ass in here."





I stumble in, "Have you seen BB (bridesbrother/girlfriends bff who is sharing the room with us and Punk-Rock-Chick)?"





Me: "No."





GirlFriend giving me a look, "It's 4:30 where have you been?"





Me sliding on my PJ's, "Out on the dock......"

Hey it wasn't a lie.

To be continued

"He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress: you know it's not your style but it's right there, so you try it on anyway."

~ Carrie, SATC ~

Memorial Day Weekend ~ Part 2

June 3 ~ I started writing this a week ago and I'm sure it had a point and was going somewhere but way to many things have happened since for me to even remotely remember what that was! Oh well posting anyway.

Continued......



So after being puzzled by my conversation with Marine2 I sat thru a wonderful church service that was about forgiving and moving on. During which I got several pointed looks from Vixen. The looks relate to that X and I spoke this last week, he had heard about the accident and well like always it snowballed from there. As always it was nice to talk with him but it left me with some remorse. Perhaps I will always wish things had turned out differently. Oh well



After church Vixen and I headed to the lake house to meet up with Blondie, Babbles, and Babbles Hubs, along with other family and friends. The day was fun, laying on the dock and riding in the boat. The water was way to cold to wakeboard though!


Monday (Memorial Day) we headed south for a concert. In attendance was myself, Vixen, Vivi, Giggles, Giggles Fiance, and Lil Bro. Lil Bro leaves in two weeks for Army basic training. So in the meantime I am trying to spend as much time as possible with him. I can't beleive he is grown up enough to join the Army. In my eyes he will always be that 10 year old little boy who thought I had cooties!

Thank you to everyone who serves or has served for our Country!!!

Happy Memorial Day!!
~ E ~

Memorial Day Weekend ~ Part: 1

So this is the weekend that the Marine Boys were coming home. And this would be a long weekend due to the Memorial Day holiday. And if you recall I was looking forward to perhaps hanging out with Marine2. But I am holding true to the rule that I will not wait around on people and thus always (always) have a Plan B.

As of Saturday I had not heard from him, and our plans had been made for Sunday afternoon. My Plan B was to go to the lake with Vixen, Blondie, and Babbles. Sunday morning I am on the way to church and my phone rings. Its Marine2. I feel mixed emotions; excitement, nervousness and hesitation - to name a few.

I answer the phone. Mind you at this point:
a) I am pulling into the church parking lot

b) trying to look for a parking spot while avoiding the elderly lady who is determined to walk out in front of every moving vehicle that goes by

c) Vixen is beeping in to see where I'm at

So my concentration is not at its best as Marine2 is trying to talk to me. So I'm not real sure if I canceled our plans or if he called to cancel our plans.

I think, think, he asked if I still wanted to go riding or if I had made other plans. I remember saying that I hadn't heard from him so I had planned on going to the lake if he didn't want to go. Like I said mass confusion was going on all around so I wasn't on my A game.

He says something about family being in from out of town and that they were wanting to go fishing later in the evening. At this point I am parked and Vixen is at the passenger window banging on it for me to unlock the car door (I picked her up a biscuit on the way). I hit unlock and she climbs in and starts trying to talk to me thru hand gestures and silent words. Like I can really talk on the phone and read her lips all at the same time. See why I'm not real sure about this whole conversation. I wave a hand at Vixen trying to get her to shut up and eat her biscuit as I focus my attention back on Marine2 who is now asking about my accident, "So I heard you and Horse had an accident?"

He calls my horse by name. That was the part that got my attention. I mean half of my friends probably don't even know my horses name. Ok well my close friends do but I didn't expect him to. Vixen is now pointing at the clock on the dash so I tell Marine2 a quick version than offer an apology and a "nexttimeyourintownwe'llgettogether" (I was talking that fast).

After hanging up I pause wondering if he canceled on me or if I canceled on him? Huh. Well crap.

Recap

Friday I left job 1 to head to job 2 (Sports Bar). From my recent accident I'm slightly doped up on pain pills so I'm in a 'speak-my-mind' kinda mood. Usually I only reach this point after a few drinks. The night is really ssssssssslllllllllllllooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww so after encouragement from Fire Guy and his Friend I take a seat at their table and talk with them as they finish off their pitcher of beer.

They are asking questions about my accident and I am telling them the full details of why I now look 17 again (ie braces).

Fire Guy, "I wish I would have been there."

I sat there and kinda looked at him not sure what to say but before I could ask why he said; "I would have saved you."

Oh poor Fire Guy. He always wants to come to the rescue. But as I stated before I was much in a 'speak-my-mind' mood, "What would you have done? Helped me hold the paper towel to my nose?" I laugh.

He pauses a minute and then laughs to, while his friend just shakes his head at the two of us. "Ok your right," he admits hanging his head slightly, "But I still wish I would have been there."

I don't know what to say to that..... I mean really come on....... so I change the topic. Which somehow along the line the train jumps the tracks and the topic turns to X who is now volunteering with the Fire Department. Fire Guy tells me this saying that he must of heard I like Firemen ~ haha, laugh, laugh. I just role my eyes and say, "I give you permission to push him off a ladder."

Fire Guy's eyes light up, "So can I punch him now?" For months Fire Guy has been asking me if he could just punch X for everything he has done. And I keep telling him no. Besides I think if anyone has first dibs it would be Blondie.

"No you can't punch him," I laugh.

"Well can I at least make him my personal b*tch during training?" He smiles big at this new idea.

Knowing that no matter what I say he will probably do it anyway, with a smile and shake of my head I go ahead and agree.

"Does he know we dated?"

"Fire Guy noone knows me and you dated but me and you," and with a laugh I stand up and walk off.

I don't understand guys at all. I mean at all. Period. That becomes more apparent every day it seems.

I have hopes that since it is so slow I will get to leave early. These hopes are answered as GirlFriend and I duck out and head to the horse sale. Ended up being a fun, yet uneventful night. Its nice to have those every once in awhile.

Saturday..... what did I do Saturday?

Oh yes I went and picked Vixen up at the airport. She has been gone this past week to the beach. Lucky her. While gone I stayed at her house and was woken up every morning (yes I said every morning) at 6:40 a.m. by a bird flying into the bedroom window. He would then flutter at the window and when unsuccessful would move to the next window and after several failed attempts would then land on the ledge. Very persistent little thing.

Back to Braces

Yes, you read that right. Instead of back to basics I, E, am back to braces.

Cue the high school montage; flashbacks of awkward teenage years, the uncertainty, the excitement.

An early trip to the dentist sent me wandering down the street to the orthodontist. One look at my mouth and I am told by the receptionist that she will fit me in. I was quickly whisked away for x-ray's and then shown to a small room. The orthodontist comes in shortly and asks me about the accident and then tells me the good news, "Your teeth are not broken and neither are the roots." Then like most good news it is followed by bad news. The bone that holds the teeth is broken. I am then told I need braces ASAP. He explains it by saying that you put a cast on a broken arm and that the braces will serve as a cast. They will pull my teeth back forward and that my teeth will be straight and good as new in about two weeks. Jump for joy. But like a cast the braces with have to stay on about three months till the bone sets and heals. Stop jumping for joy and realize that means I will be in braces all summer.

The braces go on. I am in extreme pain as I leave his office.

I awoke this morning and my teeth were nearly back in place. But my mouth hurts more than I ever knew possible. I call the doc to tell him that the meds they had given me at the hospital for pain are just not cutting it. I have a high pain tolerance to which he laughs and agrees saying that he can't believe I didn't at least cry when he had had to push the tooth forward the day before. He tells me he will call me something in. Thank you!!

So now at least the pain is numbed. And I am thankful all is well. 3 months of braces won't be so bad. I mean I wore them 5 years as a teen. Funny though I've never broken a bone before, so the first bone I've broken is one in my mouth. That my friends takes talent.

Thought I was broke before.... Shake of head..... why is it when we think we are getting ahead WHAM something hits us and we go back to square one. Funny how that works.

Head Strong

Fact: Looks mean nothing until you think you may lose them.

Everyone has something about them they would wish to change. No matter how beautiful the person is. I have never considered myself beautiful per say, maybe cute. But not beautiful. My least favorite part of me is my nose. Why? Not sure. For my small face it is perhaps to straight. From the front I like it. From the side (profile).... not so much. On the other hand, my favorite thing about me (looks wise) is my smile. And perhaps my bubble butt and legs since those are what always get compliments.

Yesterday I loaded up Horse and headed to a benefit show for St. Jude's. It was a rainy day out but thanks to a covered arena the rain would not be a problem. The night was off to a good start with Horse and I winning second in the first two events. The second we missed first by a tenth of a second. Then it was time for our next class. A lone barrel was setup at the end of the arena. The goal to slow down enough on the way around to grab an object sitting on top of the barrel and race back. Fastest time wins.

Horse and I are first up. We approach the entrance and she bounces eager to run. I lean forward and loosen the reins. With a powerful thrust from her hind legs we exploded forward. She is fast. There is no doubt of that. I sit up and try to slow her as we approach the barrel. I lean down and grab the object as she makes the turn. Once she clears the barrel I, object in hand, go to lean up. Something goes wrong. I had been leaning to the right. BAMB!!! Her head had come up and made contact with my head and blinding pain flashed through my body. As I felt things move in my head that were not meant to move.

It happened so fast.

Blinding white light as I saw the ground rushing below. I remember thinking "great I'm going to fall off to," but I clung tight and was able to get a stunned horse to a stop. I think that my front tooth has fallen out, I panic. The announcer asks if I am ok.

At this point I am still a little dazed, giving the term 'seeing stars' a whole new meaning for me. I slide to the ground holding the reins of Horse as I lean against her for support. Then someone is by my side as I hear the announcer call for an EMT.

"Give me your horse."

Still stunned I look at the strange man. "I've got my horse." stubborn Irish coming out perhaps. I take the reins and start walking toward the gate. He is beside me again.

"I've got your horse, can you walk?"

I'm confused.

"Your bleeding bad. Walk over there and they will take care of you."

I am still worried about the teeth I can feel have moved in my mouth and don't fully comprehend what he is telling me. I reach a shaking hand up to my face and instantly pull it back stained and dripping blood.

Before I have anymore time to think I am surrounded by my three, loving mama hens. GirlFriends mom reaches me first. She hands me a towel to hold up to my gushing nose. They are all concerned about my nose. I am not.

"I don't care about my nose! My teeth! My front teeth are pushed back!" I try to tell them as Vixen's mom and my mom rush up. I open my mouth to show them.

I can see the panic cross their faces as I try to remain calm. My head is ringing my nose is like someone turned on a faucet. By this time I have went thru numerous paper towels and I am being hustled toward the truck. My hair had been hanging lose around my shoulders and as I walk I feel GirlFriends mom behind me take my hair swiftly in her hands and secure it back in a pony tail.

Mom, GirlFriend, and myself are in the truck in a matter of minutes and heading toward the emergency room. I of course am trying to crack jokes, because really what else can I do.

My hands are stained red and my nose seems in no hurry to stop the flood. At the ER my mom says I was hurt while riding a horse. They assume I have been kicked. No, no, no.. Head butt. My horse and I decided to see who was more hard headed and she won.

I am taken back to a room where my nose continues to bleed. I am still not worried about my nose it is my teeth I am concerned about. I wore braces for 5, long, years so that my teeth would be straight and in less than 5 seconds my straight smile was gone.

The doctor came in and I laid back on the bed. I have a high pain tolerance but as he poked and prodded my face in a not nice manner I had to fight the urge to deck him. He could see it hurt, so could he have not been a tad more gentle? Very insensitive. He then shined a light up in my nose making grunting noses. He then asked me to open my mouth. He pressed on the moved tooth. I winced in pain. As if he didn't notice he presses again. "That hurts." I tell him.

"So is this how your teeth are normally?"

Did he really just ask this? My level of respect for him just dropped. I mean can you not see the blood oozing from my gums?

"No, they are usually straight," I reply.

He then tells me my nose is busted but not broken and that the rest of my face seems to be in tact. No fractures. [ Even though my nose is my least favorite part of my looks I am thrilled to hear it is intact, and will perhaps never feel again that it doesn't fit. ] Good news. I get a prescription for antibiotic and pain medicine and am sent on my way.

It is about 9pm by this time but we were able to get thru to the dentist and he says its good the teeth did not fall out. I have to go see him 8 am Monday morning to see if he can fix my teeth or if I will have to have surgery.

As I arrive home and look in the mirror I see a face looking back at me that vaguely resembles me. My pretty smile is gone. In its place a smile I hope to not become to familiar with.

Today ~ Eating is painful. My nose and face hurts. I can not put my teeth together because the teeth knocked back then hit my bottom teeth and sharp pain shoots like fireworks.

I think that if it weren't for bad luck I would have no luck. Oh well accidents happen. It could always be worse. I have no dental insurance so I dread to hear how much it is going to cost to get my smile back.

Guess I will have to wait and see..... but I hope I can have my smile back. Somethings you don't miss till they're gone.

“There is something about riding down the street on a prancing horse that makes you feel like something, even when you ain't a thing."

~ Will Rogers ~

The Reading List

I have already stated I love to read. And I have a list of books I have recently received from amazon.com that I am anxious to read but just don't seem to have as much free time as I would like.



1. Ghouls Just Haunt to Have Fun (Ghost Hunter Mysteries, No. 3)




2. Tacked to Death (Horse Lover's Mysteries, Book 3)






3. Love the One You're With


Currently I am engrossed in James Pattersons, Double Cross. I'm almost at the end.....



Today I received an email from Amazon telling me a book I had preordered (and have been anxiously awaiting) Lust, Loathing and a Little Lip Gloss has shipped!!! I can't wait..... the only drawback.... it shipped on the 15th but the estimated arrival date is not till the 26th...... hopefully it will get here sooner!



While I am on the subject of books.... I am also a huge Dan Brown fan and enjoy his style of writing. So for opening night Vixen and I went to see Angles & Demons. Overall it was a good movie, but of course not as good as the book. But then again they never are.

Following The Rules

The rest of last weekend was spent running from one thing to another. Saturday I rushed to feed horses, then off to make an appearance at Alice's bridal shower, then I met up with Electric. Electric is my history friend and there has been a museum exhibit I have been longing to see. So since the rain had canceled out my horse show Electric and I headed south to the museum. The exhibit was interesting and I was glad the we had the opportunity to go.

A few months back I established the rule that I don't sit around and wait on people. College Friend had mentioned wanting to hang out Saturday night, but by 1 when I had not heard from him I shrugged and decided that Electric and I would be in no hurry. I was following my set rule that I would not wait on a guy. Beside Vixen was wanting to go see a movie that night. I figured if, if, College Friend called I would invite him to the movies with us.

After the exhibit Electric and I met up with Vixen to eat diner. No word from College Friend..... Good thing I wasn't holding my breath for that phone call.

After diner the three of us went to watch Wolverine, which was great. I get a text from College Friend telling me he took his mom to a concert for mother's day and it lasted longer than he thought it was.

Ok good excuse. And nice that he did something for his mom..... but why if he had plans did he ask if I wanted to hang out in the first place? Guys...... shake of head......... I will never understand them!

C.C., "This isn't a typical night."

Niles, "Yes, you're not home alone sitting on your foot massager watching 'Sisters'."

~ The Nanny ~

Sometimes The Unexpected Does Happen

It was Friday. It had been a long week. Work at the office during the day, Sports Bar at night. I was having one of those days. I needed some fun. So GirlFriend that I work with at SportsBar and I decided we would go out after work.

A friend from out of town who is the lead singer in a rock band was having a show and I really wanted to go show my support. So GirlFriend and I agreed after work we would head south for the show. I was excited and hustled about anxiously ready to get going.

In walks Big. I haven't mentioned Big lately because as I predicted months ago he did get back together with the Girl once I told him we were no more. And well I really don't want to go into his situation. But to make matters more complicated the Girl is GirlFriend I work with's sister. Yeah welcome to small-town-everyone-knows-everyone life. He says that him and Girl got in an argument and she has left him. I'm sorry but not my problem. I'm going to the show. Then GirlFriend invites him to come with us. Sigh. Great. Perhaps I should mention GirlFriend knows Big and I dated all those years ago but she knows nothing of our more recent history.

So the three of us head south. Big will always be one of my closest friends but still I will be the first to admit the situation was a little effed up. Oh well. What do you do. We arrive at the show (which has already started) and I rush excitedly to greet Electric. I haven't seen him in ages it seems! I grab a beer and take a spot next to Electric the music fills the room and you can't help but tap your foot to the beat. Then I catch a glimpse of the guy I was talking about the other day, College Friend he sees me about the same time I see him. I offer a smile and a small wave, he smiles back as he excuses himself from his friends and makes his way thru the crowd. He gives me a hug and a greeting that is lost in the music. I just shake my head and shrug my shoulders. He laughs and shakes his head and remains by my side to listen as our mutual friend rocks.

The show draws to an end and the crowd cheers. Big, Electric, and GirlFriend wonder off and I stay and talk a moment with College Friend. Then we go outside to join the others. I greet Rock Singer friend and his wife and tell him how good the new band is. There is a group of about 20 of us standing around congratulating him on the show. I turn and Big is talking to a guy friend of ours from High School who I have not seen in awhile. I join in on the conversation laughing about old times while GirlFriend stands listening to High School friend (who is a little drunk) tell of a disastrous camping trip. At the end of the story Big turns to me and asks, "Was that when we were dating." I roll my eyes at him and say no while laughing and shaking my head.

High School friend stops and looks back and forth between the two of us. "You aren't still together?" he asks a questioning look crosses his face.

"No," I answer for the both of us.

"Why not its obvious you guys are still in love with each other."

For perhaps the first time in my life I'm speechless. "What?" I scoff, "Your crazy." I look at GirlFriend, High School Friend and then lastly Big.

"Whatever it's so obvious just the way you look at each other."

Big laughs and I respond, "And how do we look at each other?"

"When he looks at you its obvious he is in love with you." He pauses I laugh shaking my head and glance over at Big, "And see like just then when you glanced at him. Just obvious you still love him to."

Mind you GirlFriend is still standing there also hearing all this. Big remains silent just chuckling a little to himself. I perhaps should have also kept my mouth shut but we all know I'm not any good at that, "He's one of my best friends. We have a love/hate relationship." I try to joke about what has been said.

High School Friend will not deter from what he sees as his profound observation. Finally I shake my head and walk off and head for Electric and the circle of people he is with. Thankfully GirlFriend laughed at the drunken outburst and seemed to think nothing of it except to later tell me that even after I walked off he spent 2o minutes telling Big that he was still in love with me.

Not sure I have ever been so embarrassed, nor have I wanted to punch someone just to shut them up. I retreat back inside to use the restroom and decide as I walk back out that I need to talk to College Friend a bit more.

I walk outside and scan the crowd but he is no where around. I wait thinking he to may have went back inside. Twenty minutes pass and still no College Friend. So I send him a text.

Me, "Leave?"
College Friend, "Hey yeah. U with the blonde dude? Wanted to say bye."

Great. Just Great. I knew I would regret Big coming on this little road trip.

Me, "No lol I went to the bathroom came out was going to talk to you and you were gone"

College Friend, "Sorry I have to be up at 7. What u doin tomorrow evening?"

Me, "7 wow that sucks. Was supposed to have horse show tomorrow but it was canceled cause of rain."

College Friend, "Ah. Want to get into something later on tomorrow night?"

Me while smiling to myself wanting to jump up and down and do a victory dance, "Sure just let me know."

The remaining group of us decide that we are ready for a late night snack and headed for Steak and Shake. Electric had rode down by himself and I was not really looking forward to getting back in the car with Big and Girlfriend so I accepted the offer when Electric asked if I wanted to ride with him.

After diner though and once back at my car it was voted I would give Big a ride home since his house is right past mine. We climb into the 4Runner and start the journey home. He tells me of his relationship problems and seeks advice on his difficult situation. As a friend I would like to help him but I don't really know what to say. He mentions drunk High School friends outburst and we laugh about it. Then slip into silence. "Is it that obvious?" He finally asks.

I know what he is talking about but don't know what to say so I stall, "What?"

From the dim light of the radio out of the corner of my eye I can see him shake his head as he makes a laugh/scoff noise, "You know what."

"He was drunk. He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"You do know I love you though."

I want to say that it doesn't matter. But I can't bring myself to so I say with I sigh, "Yeah. I love you to. We've been through alot together over the years. We'll always have a love/hate relationship."

"Why did I mess things up so much?" He asks almost to himself.

"Everything happens for a reason." I pull into the driveway.

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

We slip into silence as I maneuver up the driveway. I can't stand it I have to get the train back on the right track, "You know though I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything. Even after all we've been through I'm glad we're still close."

"You'll always be my best friend."

I come to a stop and put the 4Runner in park. He leans over to hug me bye and says once again, "I love you." The tone this time is different and I know he is saying it as my best friend. I can handle that tone better.

"Good night." I say as we pull apart.

He gets out of the car and I head home with to many things going through my mind.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

~ Dr. Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy ~

Another Perspective

A few months back I ran into an old friend. A guy I had went to college with. One who, in the past, I would have had a crush on if I hadn't been in a relationship. I don't really know him that well, but what I do know of him he is a nice guy. So after the run in when he sent me a friend request on Facebook, I was a little excited. When I got a message commenting on a photo of Vivi, Vixen, and myself I started thinking of him as perhaps a future date prospect.

Since then he has asked me out twice...... and twice I have had to ask for a rain check. Once because I was scheduled to work at Sports Bar, the second because I already had plans with Vixen and Blondie. Part of me does want to go out with him, yet part of me is still a little gun shy. I really need to get over that.

Today I was talking to a guy I used to work with. He's kinda like that older annoying brother that is always right. He some how steers the conversation to my romantically challenged life....

Me, "I will never get married again. Hell I'll probably never be in a serious relationship again."

Work Brother, "Yeah you will. Next time marry for money."

Me, "Haha."

Work Brother, "Am I wrong?"

"I hope not. But I will not marry again," I reply stubbornly.

Work Brother, "Your way to young to say that."

Me, "Uh no. Been there, done that, learned the most expensive lesson hopefully of my life."

Work Brother, "Shit you will find someone..... Open your mind."

Me, "Even if I do find someone that doesn't mean I'll marry them."

Work Brother, "You don't know that. Think about what you are saying."

Me, "I just find it hard to believe I will ever trust someone that much again. It won't be anytime soon. I hate to say it but I'm scared to death of commitment."

Work Brother, "How many times have I been wrong? Besides that's a lie." He pauses, "If anything you strive off commitment."

Me, "Face the facts I get asked out all the time but I stay busy cause I don't want to go on dates cause I'm not ready for a relationship and I also suck at hurting peoples feelings. So I rarely go on dates and just stay busy so I have an excuse not to go. I know that sounds crazy but what if the date goes good? I'm not ready for it to turn into anything."

Work Brother, "Look at your commitment to your friends...... your mom....... your not scared of commitment your scared of getting hurt. Stop second guessing yourself."

Damn he may have a point.

Pause. Me, "Ok maybe your right."

Work Brother, "So what are we going to do?"

Me, "About what?"

Work Brother, "To fix you?"

Me - laugh, "No clue. I'm having fun going to horse shows right now. Me and Horse won this past weekend."

Work Brother, "See more commitment."

Me, "Shut up."

Work Brother, "Haha you love me."

Me, "Yeah but I hate when your right."

Maybe he is right. My whole life is made up of commitments; Commitment to friends, to family, to work, to my animals, to club projects (fundraisers), and recently I have been trying to renew my commitment to church.

I hate it when he's right.

So maybe I will give college friend a chance. If he ever asks me out again, but really I've said no twice.... hmmm....... oh well maybe he'll go with '3rd times a charm.'

And then there is Marine2...... who I do a have a full fledged crush on..... but ssshhhh don't tell..... none of my friends know that [ except now Vivi - Hi Vivi (insert wave) ]. Because it is a silly crush. One I know I will get over the minute we actually hang out. Therefor I refer back to the "your-friends-may-not-need-to-know-everything" rule. I will withhold the details because I don't want to jinx myself...... but lets just say in overcoming this phobia Marnie2 and I have upcoming plans....... Cross fingers nothing happens between now and then.

Sometimes all you really need is another perspective.....

Karen, "Rosie, I just met the most incredible man!"

Rosario, "Are you sure you just didn't lean into the doorknob again?"

~ Will and Grace ~