With Pen To Paper

I picked up the phone and made the call before I could change my mind. The call I had put off for to many months as it was. I was told the paperwork would be ready this afternoon. But was I ready? A few short hours later I was driving thru the rain knowing I was doing what I had to do but not feeling any better about the situation. But with no alternatives this was my only option. I took a deep breath and pulled my coat tightly around me to shield myself from the rain; a rain that despite the temperature would chill you to the bone. I hurried from the 4runner toward the off white stucco building that looked much to cheerful on this dreary day. I walked up the few short steps and with one hand removed my hood while the other reached to turn the gold doorknob. Once inside I was greeted by a familiar face, "I have everything ready," she smiled as she retrieved a thin, manila folder from a tray on her desk. She opened it and turned it to face me and handed me a blue ink pen.

"Here is the address and here is the name you are signing it over to," she pointed as she talked my eyes quickly skimming the document. "And I just need you to sign here," she pointed to a line at the bottom that had my name typed neatly underneath.

With pen to paper I started to scrawl my name, my minds eye seeing a pair of scissors in place of the pen cutting the last string that tied X and myself together. I was flooded with a rush of emotions: happiness, nostalgia, sadness, anger, defeat, embarrassment, regret, nausea.

A sense of freedom washed over me as I left the office my copies of the paperwork clutched tightly to my chest. In a swift instance it was gone; the connection to my past life and my past self.

"So many roads. So many detours. So many choices. So many mistakes."

~ Carrie, SATC ~