Fear of Commitment

It was Friday night and I stood at the stove finishing up my chicken fajitas when Vixen emerged from the bathroom her hair up in a towel. I held my tongue as she entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to retrieve a Diet Dr. Pepper.

“What are you making?” She asks.

“Who are you going to see?” I counter glancing at her with a smile and the raise of my eyebrow.

“A friend.”

“Ok so that means it’s a guy.” I put the chicken and shredded cheese on the quesadilla and remove the cheese dip from the microwave.

“Why do you say that?”

I just pause and look at her.

“Ok,” She shrugs her shoulders.

“So who is it?” I head to the living room with my diner and she follows behind.

“You don’t know him.”

AKA you know him and don’t like him.

“So what are ya’ll going to do?”

“Just rent some movies and hang out at the house.” She still refuses to refer to the ‘friend’ as male or female.

“Movies huh?” I reach beside me, “Like these?” I hold up three movies I had rented before coming home.

She laughs, “I just need to get out.”

“Ok.” I take a bite of my fajita.

She rises from the couch and heads to the bathroom.

I hit play on the remote and continue eating.

Have I mentioned that Vixen has a very strong commitment phobia? Yes, Vixen is afraid of commitment much in the same way kids our afraid of monsters under the bed. It’s a fear that you grow out of but never quite get over. Every time a relationship gets to a certain point Vixen normally runs. She won’t admit it but I think her motto is ‘get out before you get hurt.’ She likes to be the one in control and fears falling for someone to the point that they might actually have the power to break her heart. Her longest running relationship I believe is with me… and well I think that’s only because she hasn’t figured out a way to get rid of me yet.

She is gone not a full minute before she comes back into the living room, still in her bathrobe and her hair still up in a towel. Silently she plops down on the couch.

I look over at her questioningly.

“I hate you.”

“Why’s that?” I ask.

“You made me think,” she laughs, “that’s why I was hurrying to get gone before you got home.”

I laugh, “If you want to go don’t let me stop you.”

“Pass me the cheese dip.”

*************

Now after this is when the heavy conversations take place. As I had known Vixen had told VB earlier in the week she needed some space. That translates to: I like him but I think I'm starting to get in a little to deep and I'm not ready for that.

Which in typical Vixen fashion also means she feels the need to go out. The need to feel superior as helpless men are drawn to her - she will flirt and then blow them off at the end of the night. More than likely giving them a fake number...... or worse yet mine...... depending on the amount of drinks involved. She just wants the rush of feeling in control. In a situation she can control.

That's my theory anyway.

"Why am I freaking out?" she asks, "I mean VB's great. I like him...... I'm just not sure I'm ready for a serious relationship. You know how I am."

"I know and I understand," I tell her.

We talk a few more moments before we start playing American Idol, this time choosing ridiculous songs that we have never done before and don't know the words to. Imagine karaoke gone bad.

Two bowls of ice cream and a movie later we say good night. I head down the stairs to my dungeon yawning as I go.

"E?" she calls.

I stop and turn, "Yeah?"

"Thanks for not letting me do anything stupid," she smiles, "one day I'll get over this phobia."

I smile back at her, "That's what friends are for."

"A man's emotional checklist is pretty basic: Am I hungry? Am I sleepy? Am I horny? If he's content in all three areas, he's pretty much okay. A woman's emotional checklist reads more like a Russian novel. It's long, complicated, confusing, and you spend a lot of time trying to keep the characters straight."

~ A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend: For Every Guy Who Wants to Be One,

for Every Girl Who Wants to Build One ~

By Felicity Huffman and Patricia Wolff