The Book

It all started last year. Vivi and I were wandering around the Miami airport. We had a few hours to kill till our flight. It was in the airport Barnes and Noble that I first spotted a book that would catch my eye. I would pick it up contemplate on buying it but then return it when Vivi and I found a book with a slightly more interesting title. Mentally though I added it to my ‘must read list’. Several months later while ordering from Amazon I again pull the book up. It’s on the New York Times Bestseller list. I scroll down the item page scanning the reviews as I go. Some reviews are good saying that the book is witty and a must read, while other reviews say how awful the book is. In reality this only intrigues me more and my desire to read grows. The arrow lingers over “add to cart” yet I hesitate my cart already has three books in it and I just can’t bring myself to spend the extra money. So I save it for a later.

In all honesty I had nearly forgot about the book. Then one night Marine and I were talking and somehow the conversation turned to books we had read or wanted to read. The book comes up. Marine laughs saying that he has read it and asks if I’m sure I want to read it. I consider myself a pretty well rounded person and not really understanding what I am fully getting myself into I answer with an affirmative, “yes.”

Now fast forward a bit. It is the morning of my birthday. I sit on the bed smiling as Marine spreads my presents out before me. Excitedly I start opening. There it is, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.

With a laugh Marine says, “I knew you said you wanted to read and I figured you would never actually buy if for yourself,” he pauses then adds, “besides I figure you can read that while I’m deployed that way you’ll appreciate me more and not think about how hard it is me being gone.”

I shake my head at him and laugh and then jump across the bed tackling him a hug. At that time I thought I couldn’t possibly appreciate him anymore that I already do.

I was wrong.

So Marine is not deployed yet. But he is off on some training thing for a month. I just finished reading The Lost Symbol and with nothing else new on my bookcase I decide to go ahead and crack open the stories of Tucker Max.

Last night I sat upstairs I had been reading and the book now lay on the coffee table abandoned because Desperate Housewives was about to come on. Vixen isn’t home yet and it’s just me and VB (Vixen’s Boy).

He spots the book. “You’re reading this?” he asks with a look of surprise on his face.

“Yeah.” I answer.

He laughs, “Never would have pictured this would be a book you would read.”

I laugh to. I guess because I am the shy, easily embarrassed one of the group and honestly perhaps the most naive. But VB and I have been friends since middle school so we start into a discussion about the book. Apparently every guy, even the ones that don’t normally read, have read this book.

Bravo Tucker Max. Bravo.

Now with that being said, WOW!! I mean really, I was not fully prepared before starting this book. And yes when Marine got his weekly ten minute phone call and called me yesterday I admitted to him that the book did make me appreciate and love him even more (if possible) for being such a nice guy. And then I was quick to add that we were going to have a discussion once he was back about some of things in the book and if he thought even remotely like Tucker I was going to slap him. At which he laughs and says, “Hey I warned you it was pretty vulgar.”

Despite all that though I cannot put the book down. Yes, Tucker Max is degrading, repulsive, and self destructive to name just a few. He treats women as if they are expendable entities not even worthy of being thought of as people. The lack of respect oozes from him much like the booze smell that I am sure he reeked of for at least the majority of his early twenties. Yet in all honesty if more girls read this book I think perhaps it would open their eyes. I didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday……….. Whoa wait where did that come from? I never use that saying….. where did I even hear it from….. oh well anyway ---- I know a line when I hear it. That is perhaps why I don’t hook up. Ok well except that one time. But really everyone needs to experience at least one one-night-stand in their lifetime. I mean it’s a right of passage. Ok maybe not but it makes me feel better about mine. Back to point basic principle girls fall head over heals WAY to easily. I mean if a guy gives us a little attention and says just a few of the right things we are putty in his hands. You know I’m right. I blame Disney. We’ve all done it; fell for that bad boy when we know better. Well this book gives you a little insight to what that bad boy you think you love is really thinking. I mean I love my guy friends and that is perhaps why I really understand this book to an extent because some of the stories I have heard similar - well more rated - versions of from my guy friends. Trust me over the years I have heard more than I really would like to have. And yes guys really do think this way.

Now I have said all this to quote a part from the book {I warn you explicit, vulgar content to follow, I don’t want to offend anybody so stop reading now if you are easily offended – again this is a direct quote}:

“Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn’t-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no suck thing as ‘deserving’ respect; you get what you demand from people. Let a guy fuck you in the ass, cum on your back, drink all your beer and then leave, and he’ll do it. But if you demand respect, he will either respect you, or he won’t associate with you. It really is that simple.”

I have to say I agree with Tucker. As I read this part I paused and thought back on past failed relationships along with guys of the past that didn’t quite make it to that relationship status. And in each case I realized the more I liked the guy the more I would let him run over me. Or a better way to say it – if I was more into the guy than he was into me than I tended to demand less respect because I was blinded by God knows what and therefore thought he actually deserved to be in my life. At least that is how early twenties E was.

No guy is perfect just like no girl is perfect either. But when you are lucky enough to find one that is as close to perfect in your eyes as someone can be, well appreciate them. Yeah reading this book and thinking about my string of ex’s really makes me appreciate Marine more.

Also as I read the story of Tucker Max’s life and of the many, many women he meets and has relations with I can’t help but wonder; what will happen when he finally meets the “one”? Will he lose her because of his wild past? What will she think of his book and his many conquests? Could a girl ever move past that to have a serious relationship with him? Or has he pretty much shot himself in the foot and set the course of his life to remain a single boozing, sleeping with anything that moves bachelor who will never settle down?

"Look, I know how bad some of these stories are. I know that in return for my youthful behavior, fate will give me five daughters......"

~ Tucker Max, This'll Just Hurt A Little ~