Living, Loving, & Learning

Lets get up to date here. To many things going on and not enough time to blog. This is a catch up of the 3L's of my life; where I'm living, how I'm loving, and what I'm learning.

• Basement Dwelling Sucks

I love, love, LOVE being roommates with Vixen....... But I hate, hate, HATE her house. If you have seen the weather channel at all in the past few months you would have seen one constant green rain blob covering the south. Seriously we have had so much rain that I have contemplated on building an arc. Twice now the basement has flooded. That means that twice now my bathroom and a corner of my bedroom has flooded. My already jam packed schedule is thus interrupted because I have to spend at least an hour a day with the shop-vac sucking water up out of the carpet. Tuesday I thru up my hands. The carpet was still soaking wet, homework was piled up, my laundry basket was overflowing and I was PMSing something fierce. So basically I was not in a good mood. I grabbed my laptop and laundry basket and headed to my mom's. After staying there two nights I figured it was time to return to the basement and see if the carpet had dried anymore.

Before doing this though I made a trip to Lowe's and armed myself with 'Damp Rid', something which I hoped would be magic and solve all my impending mold problems.

The carpet was still damp. I attacked it fiercely with the shop-vac and then strategically placed the Damp Rid. At this point I enter my bathroom to discover the counter covered (well maybe not covered but close enough) with mouse droppings!!! Keep in mind this is not my first mouse, nor is it my second mouse...... but my THIRD mouse!! If you do the math that is a mouse per month.

I spy the remnants and cringe, gross! I move closer and realize the little shit has eaten (you read that right) EATEN my toothbrush!! There are bristles all around the toothbrush holder that have been pulled from the brush and abandoned. I physically shudder at the thought. I pull my toothbrush and Marine's from the holder and through them in the trashcan, I pull out the Clorox wipes and go to town. As I clean the bathroom I go to slide the basket I have filled with towels that sits by the sink and realize there are mouse droppings among my towels to. Great! Just great! I pick up the basket and head upstairs where I shake the towels out outside and then put all of them into the wash. I put extra detergent in and switch the dial to hot.

I reiterate basement dwelling sucks. Period.

• High Points

In good news two weekends ago I received an award that I have worked hard toward all year. Horse and I were named 2009 High Point Champions for Texas Barrels at an area saddle club. At the beginning of the season one of my goals had been to win High Points. To achieve this goal I had to make some sacrifices, i.e. going to shows on weekends when there were perhaps other events that I would have liked to/or needed to attend. I'm sure my lack of availability upset some of my friends but one can only hope that they understand. In the end our hard work and dedication paid off. Horse and I won!

• Marine

Marine is currently somewhere in the desert doing field training. Wednesday made a week that he has been gone. He won't return to base till November 2nd at the earliest or November 5th at the latest. This means no contact, or very little at least. I received a text from him Monday but nothing since. Cell service is sparse.

• Awkward Moment of the Week

Vixen and I lately have discussed our ex's to some length. Let me specify - our ex's are our ex's for a reason. We got that. We don't miss them as significant others but at times we do miss them as friends. I mean X was a part of my life for 8 years. There are events that took place in my life that truly only he knows or can understand. Same for Vixen. Now with that said I am 110% happy with Marine. Do you get what I'm trying to say or am I sticking my foot in my mouth?

Anyway moving on I feel like I am starting to come down with a cold. Everyone in my office has had it and it seems it is now my turn. As I left work I headed to the grocery store with three items in mind: Bananas, Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Ice Cream, and V8 Strawberry Banana smoothie juice.

I grab the first two and am half way down the juice aisle when I spot X's mom she has her back to me. Before I can stop to turn my eyes meet X's stepdad. Crap. I've been spotted. I'm half way down the aisle, I can't turn around. So I continue on, my smiling matching stepdads. Then my eyes drift to the person kneeling in front of the shopping cart looking at an item on the bottom shelf..... X.

As stated before I live in a small town. Run ins are inevitable. With my head held high I smile and say hello as I approach. This turns into a 5+ minute conversation. X's parents, X and myself all gathered around their shopping cart. We were nice. Conversation was natural. X and I were both adults. As I ended the conversation with a "it was great to see you" I grab my juice and get the heck out of dodge. I can feel the red splotches that always come with nerves or anger creeping up my chest and neck. So many emotions rush to the surface as I make my way to the checkout. I still love X. Not in that I want to be with you love. But a friend love a completely different love than I once thought I had for him. I felt longing for those missed relationships. I was a part of that family. His mom and I had been so close. As I walked away I realized that I missed that relationship most of all.

This being the sole reason I have been so careful to keep my distance from Marine's family. Marine's mom is great! Even when he is not around its as if they have accepted me as part of their family. Marine's sister came with me to the horse show the night I received my award and this past Monday I was invited to go eat diner with them even though Marine is on the other side of the country. They are so nice and I am thankful they are so welcoming. Yet its like I'm standing at the door with one foot inside the other outside, hesitant to come all the way in. Its bad enough when a relationship doesn't work out but then there is all the collateral damage. Such as my relationship with X's mom. For that reason I'm not yet ready to get close to Marine's family. Am I crazy?

I really really like Marine. I could actually a see a future there. I guess I'm just not ready to add the family into the equation yet.

My advice to myself is normally - learn from the past. But sometimes perhaps that's not the best policy. I'm not yet ready to be fully part of another family but I think I will stop hesitating with one foot out the door. My resolution as of today is to take that step and go completely inside. Sometimes you have to take chances. It sucks getting hurt, but what if you pass up something that could be wonderful just because your afraid of getting hurt?

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”

~ Carrie, SATC ~