Rule number 1: Never Tell Your Girlfriends

When having a 'hook up' be smart. Tell no one. Yeah that was where I messed up.... If you tell no one it is never talked about therefor you can pretend it never happened. At least that is the way things go in my little bubble.

But nnnooo I had to open my big mouth. Shake of head. That was not my only mistake but really we don't have all night for me to point out the many mistakes I have made when it comes to men, relationships, hook ups, and screw ups. So for the time being we will focus on this one.

So now anytime Marine1 is brought up I get the look. You know the look I'm referring to. Its almost a smirk. And Vixen has that know all smirk that only she can give. I admit she knows me at times better than I know myself but really. Its as if they think I secretly have a crush on him. Which I do not. Perhaps its because I don't hook up.

But the thing is after awhile they start to mess with your physcee. Make you think, well should I have a crush on him? It makes you second guess yourself --- something I am not a big fan of.

I have to shake my head to clear it of the thoughts they put there with their looks and remind myself it was what it was. Nothing more. And I want to leave it at that. I don't want anything more than a friendship with him now or ever. I mean he really isn't a guy I would ever want to date. Expect he can be an ass at times which tends to be my normal type. But no. I'm really only into him as a friend.

I want the bubble back.

Miranda, (The man Miranda had just met at the gym asked her out) "Nah, it's too quick. I think maybe that kick in his head scrambled his brains."

Carrie, "No. Too quick is sleeping with him on the first date. That's too quick."

Miranda, "You both got excited, and you went for it. Stop blaming yourself."

Carrie, "Oh, I don't blame myself. I blame the dress. The dress!"

~ SATC ~

Sent via BlackBerry

The Ultimate Goal

I pull up the website I have visited so many times in the past week. My heart thumps in my chest as I click the "online application" button. I start filling out the application, the fear of commitment mixed with the fear of rejection causing my stomach to churn. I mean what if I don't get in? Then what? I take a deep breath and plow thru the application. Then I get to "goal statement". Pause.............................................................. twiddle thumbs............................... Open new Word Document.........Stare at blank page............Hhmmmm................................. My mind is blank. Any clever words I may have had are gone. Now what? I'm clueless. Literally, and utterly lost. I mean I know it will come to me. But not at the present moment.

So this past week I have been debating on going back to school for my masters. I have been going back and forth about applying for the fall semester. The deadline is April 15th; so by April 15th I must have my application in along with a writing sample, 3 letters of recommendation, and a goal statement. Not to mention I have to take the GRE test. I feel as if I have waited till the last minute.

The writing sample will be easy, just have to pick one. The letters well I have two people in mind (my boss and a previous teacher) but the third...... well not really sure who to ask........ and the test ah the test. Hopefully won't be to bad.

Perhaps I should back track and explain why I'm doing this today. This morning I awoke and a quick check of my email ~ I receive my MSN horoscope daily~ Yeah I am a little superstitious but that is not the point. So this past week I have discussed going back to school with my friends and family and just last night I was talking about it with my mom and telling her I just wasn't sure if now was the right time. Last night I went to bed with alot on my mind and knew that decision time was drawing near, I prayed asking God to send me some sort of sign. This morning I awoke still unsure of what to do. I open up my daily horoscope and it reads:

Your horoscope for March 29, 2009
If you've been thinking about seeking success in the field of publishing, E, this is the time to go for it. It's also a great day to enroll in law school, a masters' program or any field of higher education. Love with someone from far away could well be in the offing. At the very least, you could make a new friend from a distant state or foreign land. This should be a very satisfying day for you. Enjoy it.

Ding Ding!!! I think we have a sign!!! I mean how much more freaky can you get???

"No, ‘cause she didn't tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not going to waste a whole another hour there! I mean I've only got a week left, you know? I've really got to start living now!"

~ Phoebe, Friends ~

Phases

This week has been a little hectic to say the least. I received a midnight call from a cruise ship somewhere at sea in the Caribbean, a call I knew I would be getting at some point or another. It was Giggles her BF proposed. She was ecstatic and I, even in my anti-relationship phase of life, was thrilled for her. They have dating a few years now, but I knew after two months he was the one for her. Funny how that happens. How is that we can never tell about guys for ourselves but with our friends we can tell nearly instantly? Take Vixen for example I can tell after spending five minutes with a guy if its worth taking the time to get to know him or if he has about reached his expiration date as a part of Vixen's life. But when it comes to guys in my own life I have no clue! Apparently.

In other news this week Nurse Betty is pregnant. Something I have also known for a few weeks but due to previous miscarriages she has been hesitant to get excited or tell anyone of the joyous news. Monday while at the doctors office they were able to hear the baby's heartbeat, this eased her worry somewhat.

I am so thrilled for both of them. Yet at the same time it makes me look at my own life with somewhat melancholy. I feel as if everyone is moving forward and I am standing still. They enter another phase of life while I return to starting line, rolling the dice hoping that this time luck will be with me. But we all know that I am not one to sit around throwing a pity party (well ok I do some days but those are few and far in between). So in my "I've got to do something" phase I looked into going back to school and getting my masters. This is something I have been wanting to do and for some reason have been putting off. I took the first step and printed off the application. If I want to enroll for Fall semester I have to have all the paperwork in by April 15th. I want to do it but at the same time it is a big commitment, and lets face it I have not been a big fan of commitment lately. So we shall see.

And with the coming of spring the arrival of Barrel Racing season is nearly upon us. Now that is something I am super excited about!! The happiest time in my life was when I was highly involved with Barrel Racing, my pre-X life. I was the classic story: Girl has horse, Girl Barrel Races, Girl loves Barrel Racing, Girl is good at Barrel Racing, Girl is happy, Girl Meets Boy, Boy does not like horses, Girl is ok with that but still spends time with horse, Girl starts falling in love, Girl stops Barrel Racing, Girl spends more time with boy less time with horse, Boy breaks Girls heart.

So yeah I am determined to get back into Barrel Racing. It is something fun that I enjoy. Lesson of all this is don't give up something you love. Which I can't blame the entire thing on X, as much as I would like to. There were other factors such as: I needed a new horse, college, work, etc. But that is neither here nor there. This year will be good. And weather I win or lose I'm going to have either way! :)

No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle.

~ Winston Churchill ~

It's Time To Go

Last night I was looking forward to coming home and going to bed early. The late nights starting to catch up with me I was in dire need of a good nights sleep. Punk-Rock-Chick calls having BF issues and asks me if I will meet up with her for dinner and a beer. Ok it's 8 o'clock and having being used to going none stop my adrenaline is still pretty hi. I quickly shed my comfy sweats and pull on jeans and a t-shirt and am out the door in five minutes. As we sit at the table I sip on my beer and listen to her issues. The plan was to have a beer and go. Be at home and in the bed by 10. That was feasible. And then I feel two arms come around me from behind. From the smell of the cologne I know who it is; Marine1. I turn my head half way to see him smiling at me and JC standing to the side also smiling.

"Thought you weren't coming out tonight?" He asks.

"Well.... I wasn't planning on it," I reply with a grin.

Tonight is his last night home and by the looks of his athletic shorts and t-shirt just came from the gym look, it's obvious he wasn't planning on coming out either. "Figured one last beer with JC," he answers. The conversation continues for a minute then the two walk away and Punk-Rock-Chick and I return to our previous conversation. We finish our beers, pay the tab and prepare to leave. I walk down to where JC and Marine1 sit to tell them bye. "Come on you can't leave. Stay a little longer and hang out with us."

"Just a little longer," I consent. Punk-Rock-Chick smiles and says her goodbyes and once again it is the 3 of us. It's as if we have become the 3 amigos.

As the three of us sit there in conversation the first shot appears for Marine1. Anytime we go out in town we see people we know that want to buy him shots. Which is nice and all but Marine1 won't turn them down. You see where this is going. He does the shot with the new comer. But they don't stop there. It is getting later and more and more people are starting to trickle in. Before I know it JC and I are sitting at the corner of the bar shaking our heads and laughing as Marine1 does shots with the new found friends. At 10:30 I am ready to go. Past ready to go. But as I watch another shot of crown being handed to Marine1 I know that I need to stay and make sure he makes it home ok. Plus poor JC looks just as ready to leave as I do and I hate to leave him behind to hold down the corner by himself.

Me: "So how much longer before we can leave?"

JC: "Hell he should be ready to go before long. We'll take him to waffle house let him eat something to sober up then take him home."

Me: " I think this is the most I've seen him drink since he's been home. He is going to feel like crap in the morning."

JC: with a sigh "Yep."

An hour later JC and I are definitely ready to go.

JC: "Go tell him your ready to go he'll listen to you."

I roll my eyes at him before turning my back to approach Marine1.

Me: "You bout ready to go?"

Marine1: "Not just yet." His eyes are glazed over pretty good at this point and I can tell the crown is in full effect.

I look back over at JC who motions with his hand in a gesture I assume means keep trying. I sigh. Time to play dirty. Time to play the girly-bat-my-eyelashes-get-what-I-want card. I hate using this card and refrain from using it unless no other choice. I turn back to Marine1 tossing my head so my hair falls from behind my ear allowing my layers to hang just slightly over my right eye. I smile up at him and he wraps his arms around me in a hug. I hug him back and tilt my head slightly up to look at him. "Come on lets go home," I say this time with a more sugar coated tongue.

Marine1 not looking down at me but focusing on some distant point behind me, "Just a little longer."

He is quite taller than me and I stand on tiptoes now untangling my arms from his waist and reaching up to intertwine my fingers behind his neck. "Come on......" I can see his face softening. "Hey," I say softly but loud enough to be heard over the loud music, "Look at me."

"No," he replies squeezing me tightly but still looking over my head.

"Please look me in the eye....."

"Can't."

"Why?"

"Cause if I look at you I'll give in." He laughs glancing down for one brief second.

I laugh at his response and he shifts back a few steps to sit on a bar stool, never letting me go but pulling me with him. The expression on his face is softening and I can tell I'm starting to win. "Come on let's go home." I say this as if we are going home together. Yeah this is a cheap shot cause I am not going home with him. But at this point I know he won't remember so what ever works.

"Ok..." comes out and then out of left field comes this guy talking to Marine1 and handing him another shot. The softened look fades from Marine1's face and I can tell the battle has just been lost. I curse the guy under my breath and head back over to JC who is shaking his head and grinning having watched the whole episode.

JC: "You had him."

Me: "I know."

We sit there another 10 minutes and watch as Marine1 and Guy talk.

JC: "Ok new plan." he leans towards me conspiratorially, "I'll distract Guy you grab Marine1 and head for the car. I'll meet you there."

Me: "Why not other way around?"

JC: "Cause he doesn't care if I'm ready to go or not."

Me: "Touche." I pause, "Wait one minute." I wait for the bartender to look at me then motion him over and ask him to close out Marine1's tab. The bartender returns a minute later handing me Marine1's card and the receipt. My eyes bulge at the amount but add the tip on and sign his name at the bottom. I pocket the card and receipt and turn back to JC, "Ok let's move."

I let JC approach the two guys first. He easily slips into the conversation and after another moment I can see JC has maneuvered the conversation so that it is between just him and the Guy and Marine1 is merely a bystander. As I start to get up Marine1 makes eye contact with me and comes toward me instead. He silently takes my hand and closes his eyes a moment as he says, "This was not a good idea."

I can't help but smile as I agree with him. I give his hand a quick squeeze, "Come on lets go." I glance at JC real quick to see he still has Guy preoccupied. I stand and head for the door keeping a firm grip one Marine1's hand as he staggers slightly behind me. He stops suddenly the force pulling me backwards, "I got to close my tab."

I smile, "Already done."

Marine1: "Got my card."

Me: "Yep."

Satisfied with the answers we start walking again. Almost out the door I hear Guy shout at Marine1. I feel the hesitation flowing thru his body to his fingers intertwined thru mine. I pretend I didn't hear the guy and I tighten my grip as I push the inner door open and walk out. I turn to Marine1 and offer a half smile. He smiles back as he steps forward to open the next door for me. Almost clear. We get in the car where Marine1 slumps in the passenger seat, "why did you let me drink so much? Why didn't you cut me off?" He asks closing his eyes and leaning against the door.

I don't answer the rhetorical question, just crank the 4runner and wait for JC. He jumps in the backseat a minute later and we head toward Marine1's house. I pull up in the driveway and Marine1 leans over and gives me a quick peck on the cheek before stumbling out of the car. JC gets out of the backseat to help Marine1 into the house but he is a tad to slow. So as we watch the front door close. JC gets in the passenger seat and we head back to the restaurant where I tell him good night and drop him off at his truck.

I get home around 1:30 and set my alarm not understanding why I even bother anymore.......

This morning I arrive at work. My phone starts vibrating and Marine1's picture flashes up. "Good morning sunshine!" I say extra chippy cause I can imagine how hungover he feels and after keeping my out so late I want to be kinda annoying. lol

"Why does my ass hurt?"

Despite the two other people in the office I crack up trying to control my giggles and wish I was somewhere I could spout off the witty response that came to mind. But alas I bite my tounge, "I don't know I dropped you off, saw you go in the house and left."

"I think I fell down the stairs," he says letting out a little laugh as well. "I'm really sorry bout last night I really don't remember very much."

"Yeah you were an ass," I state.

I hear the remorse in his voice, "I'm sure I was. I'm so sorry!!"

"It's ok. Take it you didn't make it up this morning." Glancing at the clock it shows 9:30 when the night before he said he was leaving for base at 7:30.

"Nah, gonna wait and leave after lunch," he responds.

"Gottcha, well I gotta get back to work."

"Ok I have some stuff to do but if I have time I'll try and stop by and see you real quick before I leave."

"Ok." I knew its a nice gesture but I also knew he won't come by. Our three week mark had ended the night before at midnight as far as I was concerned. It was time for him to go back. Time for me to get back to my life.

I won't lie part of me will miss him. You know the kind that when you give up a bad habit misses the adrenaline rush and addiction. But its best he leave now before I got into deep. I'm still cautious. Not really wanting a relationship. Hell not even really wanting to go out on a date with someone whom I don't already know. I'm just not ready. As Blondie had hit the nail on the head, that was one of the things that was so appealing about Marine1 ~ the fact that I could go and hang out with him but that I knew that after 3 weeks it would be over. I didn't have to worry about it turning into something or think long term. She was right more so than she knows. I have learned to keep a certain amount of information to myself, therefor I haven't really told my friends the entire extent of Marine1. They don't know that he called or texted me nearly everyday he was here. Something that I didn't really see as such of a big deal until I started realizing that while home he spent nearly all his time with me when I know there were other girls that were wanting to go out with him. But then I think he appealed to me for the same reason I appealed to him. The understanding that at the end of three weeks that's it. We will stay in touch as before he came home but its not expected to be an everyday thing. No strings attached.

Ted, "She wants casual... Okay, I'll be casual. I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. You know why? 'cause it's a game. I wanna to skip to the end and to the whole happily ever after thing. But you don't get there, unless you play the game."
Marshall, "So you gonna ask her out?"
Ted, "Yes. NO! I can't ask her out because if I ask her out I'm ASKING HER OUT. So how do I ask her out, without asking her out?"

~ How I Met Your Mother ~

And Then

Let's see where was I........ oh yes sitting on the side of the road waiting on Marine1. I hear twigs snapping and a moment later Marine1 appears. Even in the dark I can see a grin on his face as he hurries to the car and climbs in the passenger seat.

We are once again on the way to Vixen's house as Marine1 explains his midnight run. He said he saw the blue lights and just took off running thru the woods. Why you may ask..... yeah so did I..... because in the south cops give people who have been drinking a hard time. Even when they are only a passenger. So the fact he was puking off the side of the road he was afraid of getting some kinda of BS ticket. Crazy? Yes. Oh well definitely an interesting moment I will always remember!

A short time later we arrive at Vixen's and the 3 of us (Marine1, JC, and I) sit on the porch swing in the cool night air. The night is still early and we enjoy swinging back and forth as we laugh at events from the night and stories of moments gone by. Before long we head inside and I try to corral the 2 toward the air mattress and the couch. Vixen has a nice HUGE cali-king bed, which she is already asleep in, my plan is to get them to their designated areas then go climb in bed with her.

I keep shushing them, trying to quite their loud intoxicated laughter, so as not to wake Vixen up. They are determined to wake Vixen up and I just as determined to not let them. Marine1 grabs me from behind, "Go, Go, Go!" He says as he lifts me off the ground and JC makes a dash for the closed bedroom door. I kick back my foot connecting with his shin as I squirm trying to get away. Marine1 holds tight though and as he allows me to pull him slightly forward we both trip and crash to floor in a tangled heap. Well if JC hasn't woke her up by now we sure did, I think as I untangle myself and jump up quickly leaving Marine1 scrambling behind me. I enter the bedroom and Vixen is indeed half awake and laughing as JC tells her about our evening since we parted with her. The four of us lay across the bed now all talking and laughing as Marine1 and I become the brunt of several jokes. Where I lay between JC and Marine1 I am quite cozy and I drift off as the others voices start to fade. I awake about an hour later to the soft snores coming from beside me. I realize that all four of us are passed out in Vixen's bed and I debate moving to the couch for more room but considering I am in between the two and wrapped up in the blanket like a burrito I realize I couldn't move even if I wanted to. So I sigh and close my eyes again and wait for sleep to return.

As I doze I am laying on my side my back to Marine1 I feel his arm drape over my waist and pull me back against his chest. I love being held while I sleep. So I allow him to hold me as I fall into a deep sleep. An hour later I hear Vixen's alarm sound and the shower kick on in the bathroom. I roll towards Marine1 and he rolls onto his back pulling me close so that I am in the crock of his arm.

Marine1,"Why did you move?"

Me, "Huh?"

He turns his head and kisses my forehead, "Last night you were on the other side of me. When did you move."

I can feel a smile spread across my face at the thought of this misunderstanding, "I didn't move Vixen was on the other side of you."

"Oh shit. I thought that was you. I think I may have tried cuddling with her last night. Why didn't you hit me?" His voice has a tone of panic to it, perhaps thinking I will be mad.

Personally I find it funny, "I was asleep."

He pulls me closer wrapping both arms around me now, "Well I feel like an ass." I don't comment just allow him to hold me as I take a deep breath inhaling the traces of cologne that linger from the previous night. It is intoxicating I think as I fight the urge to kiss him. I am such a sucker for a guy that smells good. It's as if he reads my mind though and rolls on his side to face me and leans in to kiss me. We lay there as the sun rises talking softly so as not awake JC.

I get up and head for the kitchen where I grab and drink and tell Vixen bye as she heads out the door for work. JC and I had been smart and had the day off. Marine1 comes into the kitchen and I hand him a glass of water. Today he is going out of town to visit some family. This may be the last time I see him before he leaves. I walk him to the door. Not sure of what to say or do. So I remain silent. He reaches the door and halts, spins around quickly and takes me in his arms picking me up off the ground in an action so swift that I am taken by surprise. I wrap my arms around his neck instinctively as he lifts me up so that we are face to face. He smiles then tilts his head as he leans forward to kiss me. It starts as a small sweet innocent kiss but as he lowers me to the ground the kiss intensifies. But like all good things it to must come to an end. I pull away and he pulls me back. Hugs me again tightly, kisses me on the forehead and then he is gone.

I stand at the open door waiting for the dogs to come inside and watch him walk towards his car. As I close the door behind me I pause a moment to lean back against it and shake my head, wondering what the hell was I thinking.

I climb back in bed, it is a little after 7 and JC and I don't need to leave the house till a little after 8 so I lay there thinking about how much life has changed. I drift back into a dreamless sleep mere minutes before the alarm sounded, or so it seemed. I awake JC and after finding him some Tylenol we are on the road the destination Chick-Fil-A for breakfast than his truck.

As we ride along JC says, "The past few weeks have been fun but man I'm about ready for Marine1 to go. Me and my bank account can't take much more of this."

Yeah we may be going out acting like we are still in college but the next day we seem to say, "I'm getting to old for this." lol

"I realized I had just entered an interesting chapter in my life, I had outgrown the boys of my past an not quite grown into the men of my future."

~ Carrie, SATC ~

Quick Thinking

Ah Saint Patrick's Day.

The night started with Vixen, Blondie, and myself giving into our growling stomachs and heading for the restaurant. The others would not be meeting us for a few hours, but that was fine with us. We were seated and ordered the first pitcher of green beer along with an appetizer. The guys arrive along with other friends. It is an odd mix of old friends, current friends, and mere acquaintances. Vixen and Blondie both left early due to having to be at work early the following morning. Like many times over the past few weeks I found myself with JC and Marine1. The group lingered, as the rounds of green beer and Irish car bombs kept coming seamlessly.

Being the DD I enjoyed my Dr. Pepper and tried to participate in some of the mundane conversation that was going on between several of the other guy's girlfriends. At this point I decided some people really should not be allowed to talk. Or at least not allowed out in public.

As last call for drinks is announced Marine1 comes up behind me and slips his arm around me, "Ready?" I nod having been ready for at least an hour. He digs in his pocket and pulls out the keys to the Mustang and hands them over. Marine1, JC, and I say our goodbyes and head for the car. I tell you being DD isn't so bad when you got a fun car to drive at the end of the night. I slide the seat all the way forward and kick off my heals, haven't yet mastered driving a 5-speed in heals ~ bottoms are to slick.

We head north. Always interesting road trips with these two. The destination is Vixen's house. I leave the interstate and make it a few hundred feet down the country side road when Marine1 asks me to pull over. I pull over and press the button for the flashers. Marine1 bails out of the car with a quickness, slamming the door behind him, and heads for the woods. I turn to look at JC in the backseat and he shrugs his shoulders, "Puking or Peeing. Wanna bet?"

I just laugh and shake my head and turn back forward. I see headlights in the side mirror. They are approaching slowly. They pull off the shoulder directly behind us. "I think it's a cop"...... The blue lights switch on..... "It's a cop." I have done nothing wrong but still feel slightly panicked knowing that there is unopened alcohol in the back seat. I'm such a goody goody worry wart.

"Just be calm," JC says.

I glance quickly toward the woods and Marine1 is nowhere in sight. I roll down my window as I see the police officer exit his car shinning his flashlight in the woods as he comes toward the car. I have already fished my license out of my purse and I'm ready.

"Everything ok?" he asks as he approaches the car.

Let me insert here that I am a terrible lair!! And I try to refrain from lying, fibbing, stretching the truth, etc. So where my story came from I have no idea.

"Yes, on the way to a friends and just stopped to call and double check directions." Wow that sounds like a good excuse.

"Where you headed?"

I name off the name of Vixen's subdivision, "I know I go to the end of this road and take a right but couldn't remember from there....."

He then proceeds to give me directions (which I really don't need). Thank you Mr. Nice Cop!! I think we are almost home free when he shines his flashlight into the back seat. "Why's he in the back?"

Again before I could think I had spouted off an answer, "I'm DDing tonight and just dropped off our other friend."

This seemed an acceptable answer to him as he told us to have a good evening and made his way back to the car. I rolled up the window finally letting out the breath I'd been holding. "What do I do?"

JC replies calmly, "Put it in first and pull off slowly."

I did as he said. From the back I could hear him pulling out his cellphone and calling Marine1. "Keeps going to voicemail, it's not in here is it?" As I turned around JC searched the car for the phone while continuing to call. At that moment my phone went it off. Marine1's picture popped up on the display.

"Hey, where are you?"
"I don't know somewhere in the middle of the woods," comes the reply.
"Well head toward the road we are coming back to get you...."

Making sure the cop was gone I pull over on the shoulder again. I roll down the window and call Marine1's name into the night. We can hear snaps and cracks of footsteps descending within the woods.

To Be Continued........

“Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter.Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. Poems and songs with pipes and drums. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes... That's the Irish for you!"

~ Irish Saying ~

Do You Belive in Magic?

Do you believe in magic? For some reason as I sit outside on this warm, sunny, spring day that question crosses my mind. I have been doing web design work all day, and its nice to sit outside with my laptop and be able to work ~ If only this could be my job full time. But perhaps I don't have the patience nor the self discipline to be my own boss. I mean here I am taking a break to blog.

Wow do I ever get sidetracked. See how my brain works? Scary... it's as if the train jumps tracks every few seconds at best.

To answer my own question I think I do believe in magic. I mean it's more fun to believe than to not believe. Correct? Maybe it's my Irish side coming out on this Saint Patrick's day. I'm short, I'm Irish and have a red, auburn tint to my hair ~ close to a leprechaun lol if only I had the magic pot of gold!

Tonight me and the friends are going out to celebrate. This year though I had no time to go shopping for a cute, funny St Patty's day tee. And there are so many cute one's it's a shame (like Vivi's that displays ~ Drink Till He's Cute)! But I will pull something green together to proudly display my Irish roots.

I seem to find enough trouble on my own but moving out of the house has seemed to keep me out of some trouble for the time being anyway. But I miss the unlimited freedom which entices me to speed off the paying bills off so I can get back out on my own. Last night my phone goes off, Marine1 wants to hang out. "We don't have to go out, let's just rent some movies and chill" he says. A month ago I would have said sure. I would have replied, "you get the movies and I'll cook diner." But with the new living arrangements I turn down the invitation. Which was probably in my best interest. But not near as fun.

“St. Patrick... one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish."

~ Charles M. Madigan ~

One Night

I will stop coming to work hungover.

I will stop coming to work hungover.

I will try to stop coming to work hungover......

Lately life has been spontaneous and exciting ~ a nice mix from the mundane day to day pattern I have fallen into during the winter months. Last night I headed south to meet up with Blondie, her BF and a group of his friends. Marine1 and JC joined us at the restaurant and completed the group. After dinner we arrive back at BF's house and drinks are poured and the cards are dealt. I hold my Dr. Pepper bottle tightly knowing that I have to work the next day (today) and need to go home at a reasonable hour...... I always start out with good intentions..... Then shots are poured. Marine1 hands me one. I shake my head and try to decline. But he is persistent. I fall for the "I'm only home a for a few more days" crap and I cave saying just one. And so it begins, with a laugh we cheers and bottoms up. The crown burns as it makes its way down and I am told again how much of a trooper I am because I am the only girl that will do shots with them. Where's Vivi when I need backup? lol

When I decline another drink JC asks, "why are you leaving?"

Me, "I have to work tomorrow."

JC, "So doesn't matter if you get home at 1 or 6 you'll still make it to work. Your staying," He hands me the drink.

In my post shot mind set his logic makes sense. So I take the drink and head up the stairs with him to blow up the air mattress so it will be ready later. I return down stairs and Marine1 is grinning from ear to ear as he hands us both a shot glass. I know better, really I do. But I do it anyway.

And that would be the beginning of the end.

Now here is the part where I debate the content of my blog. Do I keep my secrets and use discretion? Or do I be bluntly honest as I so admire other bloggers for being without fear of being judged?

So Blondie has been telling me that Marine1 and I will hook up eventually. I deny this, telling her no that some roads aren't meant to be traveled back down; i.e. Marine1 and I have hooked up before. It was right before he left for Iraq. And as last night there was to much booze involved and... well.... you know how it goes. That made Marine1 go down in my book as my only one night stand ever.

So the past few months Vivi, Vixen and myself have had a no-coloring pact going on. Which we have all resisted temptation and stuck to. Until last night.

Can someone be a repeat one night stand? This morning I felt slightly embarrassed. Ok there is no slightly to it. I feel downright embarrassed. And a little disappointed in myself.

So I leave this morning and arrive home around 5 a.m. I crawl in bed and I am out before my head hits the pillow. The alarm sounded all to soon at 7:15. As I crawled out of my bed, my head spinning, all I could tell myself was one more week. One more week and Marine1 will be gone and I can go back to my 8 hours of sleep per night.

He calls this morning to name off all the stuff I left behind last night in my haste to get the hell out of dodge. Things between us are fine, as I knew they would be but am glad for the confirmation. No awkwardness.

So here I am at work. Suffering from a slight case of the self-inflicted flu. And after work, I will head to SportsBar where I will work till close. Perhaps it's a good thing Marine1 is leaving in a week. I will miss the random nights and the never-knowing-what-is-going-to-happen-next- excitement.

One more week. A week including St. Patty's day. The planning started last night. And I will be off work Tuesday and Wednesday. Let the games begin.

"Low rise jeans are just so impractical when comes to flying by the seat of your pants."

Friday 13th

Ah another Friday the 13th. I awoke this morning to find the crisp spring air that had been a blessing this past week gone and in its place the last traces of cool winter air. Like most women I sometimes think I can feel things in the air. You know as if a sense of something to come. Today I have that feeling. The feeling that something is bound to happen. Call it a case of foreshadowing if you will. At first it felt like a case of impending doom. But as the day has gone on the feeling has turned into one which is more light and airy. It will be interesting to see what the day will hold.....

Part 2 ~ I Lost My..... Toothbrush?

Continued....

Saturday I worked diligently. Well diligently till 3:30 when I couldn't take it anymore, said to hell with it, and locked the door behind me as I made my early escape. Ahh what I wouldn't give to go home and take a nap. But no to much to do. Places to go, stuff to pack, etc. I head home to pick up Hyper and some random items, it is then a quick stop at the store and on the way to Vixen's again. DMOF calls and asks if he can meet up and ride with me. He is going to ride back with Marine1. Sure. Why not.

With spring in the air Saturday was deemed the perfect day for the 1st cookout of the year. Vivi, Vixen, Blondie & BF, Giggles & BF, Marine1, DMOF and many others gathered to join in the festivities and the games that were to follow. Vixen had a guy friend coming from out of town who was bringing a single friend to hook up with Vivi or myself.

By the time they arrived the rum had settled in to the point I was brutally honest. And being brutally honest this hook up guy was a plain dork. Oh my. I mean he may have been nice.... but as one put it if you looked up annoying in the dictionary you would see a picture of this guy. Seriously.

Vivi disappears only to lock herself in the bedroom. Alone. Yeah clear message she thinks hook up guy is a dork to. A drunk, annoying "hey lets smoke pot" dork by this time. I don't smoke. Never have. Probably never will. We all sit around the bonfire watching as he acts as if we aren't there.

Marine1 puts his arm around me snickering as he says "he's a winner." I try to jab him in the gut with my elbow but he senses it coming and tightens his grip on me pulling me so close to him I can't move.

As everyone gets ready to leave I realize it is going to be just me and drunk annoying guy left. Everyone else has went to bed. Vivi has locked me out of the bedroom. Looks like couch for me. Drunk annoying guy is getting cheesier by the moment. He has an Air Mattress set up in the basement but what if everybody leaves and he wants to talk and won't leave me alone?? In a desperate plea I turn to DMOF and beg him not to leave me. He laughs. Then annoying guy says something else stupid which perhaps thankfully made DMOF feel guilty.

Maybe I should say I'm slightly bit tipsy at this point. Ok there was no little bit about it. I was plain tipsy. And ready to pass out. We head inside where DMOF and I push the coach and loveseat together and with a few pillows and blankets create a make-shift bed. I curl up and DMOF puts his arms around me. I snuggle up next to him. Cozy and warm. Its that good drunk feeling. The one where your light headed and happy. He leans down and kisses me. Now this is where DMOF gets his name ~ Drunk Make-Out Friend. Yep you read that right. I would never date DMOF. But he is a cute, nice guy. And somehow on more than one occasion when I have been drinking we end up making out. Hence the name.

I won't lie it was nice to be kissed. Nice to curl up next to someone and have them hold you while you sleep. And to wake up in the morning and not regret it.

Tonight as I type this Sex and the City is on TBS the episode is "Are We Sluts." Interesting topic considering some of the recent events. In the past week I have had the opportunity to color with 3 different guys. I said no. I'm not a one-night-stand type girl. Yet I almost feel like one for just making out with a guy. I need to let go of some of my old fashioned thoughts. But really how do they sleep with all these random guys like it is nothing? Is it because in a large city where you may never see these people again you can almost pretend it didn't happen? Is that one of the differences between small town life and city life?

Anyway I awoke Sunday morning and headed to the bathroom. I opened the drawer in search of my toothbrush (I have a tooth brush I leave at Vixen's) the case is there. It's empty. I search the drawer. No toothbrush. I search ALL the drawers.... No toothbrush. I had used it just hours before when I was getting ready for bed. I search the bathroom...... no toothbrush....... Ok. Huh.

I open the door. "Random question...." Four faces (Vivi, Vixen, Vixen's GuyFriend & DMOF) stop and look up at me. "Has anyone seen my toothbrush?"

Samantha, "They practically chased me with torches like I was fuckenstein."

Carrie, "Oh, relax, they can't evict you for having sex."

Samantha, "Of course, not, they're just jealous, they're a bunch of dried up old farts who haven't had sex since Eisenhower, and I remind them of what they can't have. (Sigh) It might be time to move."

Carrie, "No you can't move! You have a rent-control apartment on the Upper East Side."

Samantha, "Honey, this isn't rent control, this is life control."

~ Sex & The City ~

Part 1 ~ Somethings Never Change

They say life goes by in the blink of an eye. Never had I really agreed with that statement till this past week. With the return of Marine1 my eight hours of sleep per night ratio has greatly decreased to the point of almost non-existent.

Friday night after work I met up with Vixen and we headed to an early birthday party that was being thrown for Marine1. It was nice to see some friends that I hadn't seen in awhile. Everyone was in a good mood, laughing and having fun. We had just arrived when the boys realized they were in need of more beer. I have just walked thru the door and not had a drink so I offer to make a liquor store run with JC. But. Oh there is always a but. "I'll go but I want to drive your car," I smile to Marine1. He laughs as he pulls the keys out of his pocket and tosses them to me. Everyone in the room stops and stares.

One of his buddies questions, "Your letting her drive your car?"
"She can drive it anytime she wants," Marine 1 states matter of factly.

Hell yeah. lol

JC that went out with us the other night backs it up, "she can drive."
I see the looks on a few faces ~ skeptical, surprised, curious. I mean I'm a five-foot flat, blue eyed, dirty blonde, dressed up and wearing heals. Apparently I do not look like I can handle 690 horsepower. Hah. I climb behind the wheel sliding the seat all the way up. Yeah for me to push the clutch in I have to sit on the steering wheel, only minor drawback. JC gets in the passenger seat closes the door. I shift into reverse at the same time there is a knock on the window. PL stands there grinning asking if he can go. JC gets out and lets him crawl into the back and we are off. It was a quick trip. One minor wrong turn, at times like that I'm reminded it's not about the destination, it's about the ride.

The evening progressed; the candles were lit on the cupcakes and we sang happy birthday ~ and it wouldn't be a birthday without someone getting cake smashed in their face.

Vivi left early with a headache and Vixen and I easily lost track of time. When we were ready to go Marine1 says he is going with us. Ok that's fine he can crash on the couch. Three of his/our friends want to come to. What the heck. I climb in the 4runner, PL claims the passenger seat and Vixen and 2 of the boys climb in the back. No Marine1. We wait.... we wait..... not sure really what happened. But we left minus Marine1. So me, Vixen and 3 of our GuyFriends. We sing along with the radio and laugh. PL tries to have some conversation with me but its to late (or early) and I am just concentrating on getting us home.

We arrive at the house it's past 3. Vivi is asleep. "E snores she's not sleeping with us." Vixen states.

I don't argue as I head to the spare bedroom to blow up the air mattress. Vixen says one of the boys can sleep with her and Vivi ~ The other two can share the air mattress with me.... DMOF (will explain this choice of name later) is the chosen one and he and Vixen cross the hall to her bedroom. JC, PL and I finish blowing up the air mattress. I'm told that I have to sleep in the middle.

They have both had a good bit to drink so I expect them to pass out quickly. I lay there almost asleep when I feel a hand start rubbing my arm. It is PL. I have not hung out with PL in many years. I would like to say that his dark brown eyes no longer intrigue me, but that would be a lie. I push his hand away but as I do his fingers tighten around mine. I try to pull my hand back but he holds on tight. I know better. I should have gotten up and ran. Left the comfy air mattress and headed for the couch. But no stupid, stupid-nice-to-have-your-hand-held me lays there and drifts off to sleep. I awake in what seems like only a few minutes. Instead of holding my hand PL now has his arm around me. I realize JC is MIA. Apparently he couldn't handle the snoring and left for the couch.

Easily I try to scoot out from under PL's arm to the safety of the open space. No such luck. The attempted escape awakens him. He tries to pull me close but I pull away. In a surprise move since I won't come to him he comes to me. He wraps his arms around me and kisses me on the forehead. As I push slightly he moves back to his side and leaves me on mine. Maybe I should mention here PL has a on/off again girlfriend. I don't know if they are on or off either way I'm not that kinda girl. And he is not that type of guy. We have both had drinks but that is no excuse. So in the dark we lay there and talk. Somewhere in the conversation we both drifted off.

The last time I looked at the clock it was 5:50.... the alarm was set for 6:45. Needless to say as I dragged into work Saturday morning I was not feeling so much like my normal cheery-morning self.

Oh PL what a flashback. PL, like Big and X, is a guy that will always hold a piece of my heart. One that I never got back. Nor did I want it back. As we lay there and talked about old times. Old dates. It was funny to see how things have changed, yet no matter how much things change ~ somethings will never change.

To be continued....

"You know what the craziest thing is? I actually thought after everything I've been through, I might end up with my high school boyfriend. Yeah, I don't think my story's gonna get tied up like that."

~ Carrie, SATC ~

The Old Me's Dead & Gone

Note to self: some things are never a good idea.

So in a sense the old me is dead and gone. Which I'm not 100 percent sure is a good thing. I have spent my entire life being a people please-er. Every step I take or action I did was thoroughly thought out and each possible outcome was anticipated. I never lived in the moment. Never. Didn't happen. I also would always remove myself from situations that could be misconstrued (well prior to last year).

The new me I have realized has a I-don't-care attitude. Instead of removing myself from situations I remain in them. No lines are crossed, yet it is a gray area - like I'm waiting to see what will play out. This really is not always such a great idea. In the end I feel that my inaction could be seen just as badly as action itself.

Ah hell your only young once. Live with no regrets. Vivi told me that if it's something that made you smile than it was worth while.

Still though the old me may be dead and gone, but the new me is not really the person I want to always be. I always liked being the "good girl". I need to find a happy medium. I'm tired of feeling guilt for just allowing myself to be in a situation even though I did nothing wrong. I've went from one extreme to the other now I must find the balance in between. But how exactly do I do that?

"I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side

I turn my head to the west Still nobody in sight

So I turn my head to the north, Swallow that pill That they call pride

The old me is dead and gone, The new me will be alright"

~ T.I. & Justin Timberlake, Dead & Gone ~

Still To Young To Care

Wednesday night I was scheduled to work the bar at Sports Bar. As I walked thru the doors and tied the black apron around my waist I knew I was in for an interesting night. It was the feeling in the air. Something was brewing. I wasn't sure what but like a storm on the horizon I could sense its presence.

The storm blew in a few hours later in the form of Marine1 and his group of buddies. With a sly smile and a quick hug, the round of shots were poured. The place was packed, with a smile and quick hand I did my best to keep up. The drinks were ordered for Marine1 round after round.

"You got a ride?" I asked him already knowing the answer.
Grinning ear to ear, "It's ok I'll find one."
"I'm not letting you drive."
"I know."

As I closed up Marine1 and Guyfriend walked down the block to the next bar. When I got there to meet them they already had a drink waiting on me. With a shake of my head I slid up onto the stool.

Marine1, "Let's go south."
Me, "Really?"

I place a quick call to GirlFriend to see if she is up for going on a late night road trip. With a laugh she says she's in. So we sit and wait on her. Marine1 and Guyfriend are in heavy conversation and the guy to my left starts trying to hit on me. Its been a long night. I'm not really in the mood. I smile politely and decline the offer for him to buy me a drink. I tell him I'm the DD and motion to my Dr. Pepper. I turn away thinking he will get the hint. He has had one to many to drink though and does not. He continues on. I still try to be nice but I take my right arm and intertwine it through Marine1's who is standing on the other side of me still in conversation with Guyfriend. I'm not with Marine1 by any means but I hope this gesture will make this random guy think I am and leave me alone. Marine1 turns to look down at me. I smile but motion with my eyes. He understands and puts his arm around me and leans over and introduces himself to the guy. He rotates me smoothly placing himself between me and random guy. I'm now in between Marine1 and Guyfriend. Guyfriend and I meet eyes and laugh as we hear the guy apologize to Marine1 for hitting on me. The guy than apologizes to me. I smile, no harm done and the 3 of us go back into conversation while we wait on GirlFriend.

Marine1 goes to the restroom and Guyfriend walks away talking on the phone. Drunk guy starts to hit on me again. You've got to be kidding. At this point he is being plain rude. My niceness starts to fade away as his flattery turns to insult when I tell him I am leaving with my two guy friends. He makes a comment and I do all I can to remain calm, I can sense my Irish temper wanting to lash out. Marine1 returns hearing the last comment and seeing the look on my face he raises himself to full height and clenches his fist (he's a pretty big guy, if I were a guy I'd be scared of him). I quickly grab his arm trying to calm the situation down. Drunk guy continues his drunken ramble and challenges Marine1 to a shot contest, so to speak. Yeah guys are dumbasses. Marine1 winks at me. "Put your money where your mouth is." He says pulling out a hundred dollar bill.

The end result drunk guy lost a hundred bucks in less than a minute. If he would have been nice I would have told Marine1 to give him the money back. But as GirlFriend arrived and we rose to leave he made one final pass at me that erased any guilt I may have felt for letting Marine1 take his money. "You know you should be a little nicer." I said turning to walk away. He slurred something else and Marine who had been infront of me turned around. I could tell his tolernace level for this guy was gone.

"Apoligize right now." He said facing me but looking over my head at the drunk guy.
I walked straight into him wrapping my arms around him in a hug. "He's drunk and not worth it. Let's just go." I could feel the rage in him at the thought of letting the drunk guy talk to me that way. "Look at me." His eyes drifted down for a moment. "It's ok." I let him go and stepped back.

He took my hand. "You shouldn't talk to a girl like that." He called to drunk guy, "And your lucky cause she just saved you." I didn't look back but pulled on his hand keeping a tight grip on it till we were outside.

The 4 of us stand a moment in the parking lot GirlFriend said she will drive down and we can take her car.

"Nope we're taking my car." Marine1 says walking toward the beautiful black mustang.
"Can you drive a 5 speed?" I ask GirlFriend.
She nods yes but the look on her face isn't as convincing and Marine1 tosses me the keys. With that decided GuyFriend and GirlFriend climb into the backseat.

I push in the clutch and turn the key. The cobra rumbles to life. Ah got to love good ol American muscle. Yeah I do not need a sports car. I would get in so much trouble! Way to much fun to drive!! I did receive on of the best compliments I think I have ever gotten though. I was told I do not drive like a girl and I drive a mustang how one is supposed to be drove. Yeah I love mustangs.

We arrive at one of our favorite haunts were the other 3 grab drinks and I order another round of Dr. Pepper. The two guys start playing pool and GirlFriend and I stand to the side watching. We laugh, play pool, and take funny pictures to document Marine1's time home.

Before long we are back in the car heading toward home. And no late night is complete with out a stop at the Waffle House. After eating I drop GirlFriend off and then drop Marine1 and Guyfriend off at Marine1's house. They both hug me and I try to explain to Marine1 where I am going to leave his car and that I will have the key. He laughs and leans down to hug me, "E I love ya but I'm not going to remember that in the morning so I'll just call you." I shake my head and laugh knowing he is right.

I exchange his car for my own and head toward the house. I walk thru the door at a little after 4. I set my alarm for 7. I have to be at work in just a few short hours.

I'm old enough to know better, still to young to care. Plus Marine1 is only home for a few weeks, then he goes back to base, then from there back to Afghanistan. So it is hard to tell him no. I consider the "what if's" to much. I want to hang out with him every chance I get because what if something happens and he doesn't come back...... I don't want to think about that but you can't help it. I've known him since I was 6. I just don't want to have any regrets. And with Marine1 it's always fun and you never know where your going to end up.

"Dude it's not going to be just like last time."

~ Chandler, Friends ~

Relationship Dummy

Lately I have been the "go-to" girl for all my friends about their relationship problems. Perhaps I shouldn't say lately because I always seem to be the one they seek for advice. Not just my girl friends, but also for my guy friends. Yesterday I dealt with 3 cases of relationship issues. I listen carefully and try to refrain as much as possible from giving advice. I mean really, me? The relationship dummy giving advice? I'm the divorced one obviously I have no clue about relationships and you want my guidance? I point this out, they all laugh and then say yes they want my advice. I feel like the blind leading the blind :)

Phoebe, "I may play the fool at times but I'm a

little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit."

~ Friends ~

Beer Before Liquor Never Sicker......

Blondie: How was last night

Me: Before or after I puked in a Dr Pepper Bottle?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I arrived at Vixen's house after work. We had some time before we had to be ready so we drank a few beers and Vivi, Vixen and myself took turns battling at SingStar. I had some reservations about the night knowing it would be a big crowd (some friends, some foes) coming together to celebrate Marine 1 and Marine 2 being home from Iraq.

Our ride arrived and the 3 of us piled in the back of the Tahoe. We had pre-gamed fairly well and I could feel my slight buzz as we headed south. We arrived at the club and quickly hugged Marine 1 and Marine 2. I was so glad that they were home safe. Soon there was a beer in my right hand, a shot in my left. Mistake Number 1. A toast was made and down the hatch. Soon we hit the dance floor and the time started to slip away.

As I danced with Marine 2 I glance to my left and see Vivi and then I notice who she is dancing with.... Fire Guy. It took all I had not to laugh, cause Vivi has never been his biggest fan so it was amusing. I was happy everyone was getting along and having fun. We all continued dancing and I knew I had had a little to much to drink when I suddenly realized I was no longer dancing with Marine 2 but with Fire Guy. Ah well. The beer was flowing way to smoothly and I should have known better than to take the shots that kept being offered to me. Should have. I have always been able to hold my liquor. This was my first night out really, seriously drinking beer. Normally my poison of choice is vodka. It never does me wrong. But the beer, Jager, and Crown.... well not so much.

The night became a blur, some of which I don't really remember. Which may be a good thing. I don't remember leaving the club. Laughing with GirlFriend about the night. Nor do I remember much of the ride home. I do remember closing my eyes trying to breath calmly, I can feel my stomach churning. I'm in the back. Of a brand new Tahoe. Brand new in that friends parents own a Chevy dealership and let us take it off the lot for the night out so we could all ride together and have a DD. In my drunken stupor I know it's coming. I know there is no time to get stopped and me get over the 3 people I would have to go around to get out of the car. In the back with me is a half bottle of Dr. Pepper. You see where this is going. So I puked in the Dr. Pepper bottle. Yeah. Apparently that took talent. I am so not proud. This is why I normally try to refrain from drinking mass quantities when going out. Because one can easily make an ass of themselves. Which I'm sure I did.

This morning Vivi shined a little light on Vixen and myself's lack of knowledge of the night before. Vixen kissed a random person. And I, well I threw up at the club as well. Great. I am so embarrassed. That is very out of character for me. I never get sick. Nor do I ever drink so much when out that my memory is fuzzy (or absent).

Lesson of the night: when going out if going to drink stick with liquor. Beer may be cheaper but the repercussions are costly. And so not worth it.

What was I thinking?

Ted, "How quickly you all forget! I haven't puked since high school. I am vomit-free since '93! Vomit-free...since '93; that's funny, I'm funny!" [opens cell phone]
Lily, "Who are you calling?"
Ted, "Robin."
Marshall, "Whoa, bad idea jeans."
Barney, "No no, it's a great idea. That's the whole point of getting drunk; you do things that you'd never do in a million years if you were sober."

~ How I Met Your Mother ~