I Want To Have Kids Someday...... Scratch That I USED To Want To Have Kids Someday

So a few weeks ago I got a high dose of birth control. Enough to push back my desire for kids and buy Marine at least a good five years before I even mention the thought of us having them.

Hollywood and I went out for a late lunch/early diner. Just me, her, and her son (for this post I will call him Little Man). Little Man is in the terrible two's, which thus far have not seemed to rear their ugly head. Diner goes great! We sit, we eat, we enjoy.... everything is going good. The waitress has brought our checks, we have paid and are now just waiting on change.

Hollywood announces she needs to use the restroom before we leave. She asks Little Man if he wants to go with her. Little Man is coloring on the restaurant provided mat and is telling me a story about the family dog. He has no interest in accompanying her to the bathroom.

So she exits the booth leaving me alone with Little Man. Now me and Little Man are close, he continues talking telling me his story but then mid sentence he turns and realizes Hollywood is no where in sight.

"Mama?" It starts out as a soft question.

"Mama will be back in a minute Little Man," I say reassuringly.

"Mama!!" he says a little louder this time.

"Little Man look why don't you color with this," I try to hand him the red crayon, "Your Mama will be right back."

"MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He yells climbing out of his boaster seat and heading for the end of the booth.

I was sitting across from him and quickly scoot out and slide into the other side to cut off his exit. "It's ok......" I say soothingly as I slide in.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" He screams as he stumbles backwards away from me.

"Little Man," I try to demand his attention.

He screams louder.

I scoot closer to him. I have NO CLUE what to do!!! "Look Little Man lets color." I pick up the crayons and point to the paper.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" He is no longer just yelling, he is now screaming bloody murder and everyone is staring.

Now mind you we are sitting in one of those big booths so 4 people could fit on one side. He steps back away from me and I see him trip. I reach out to catch him. He screams louder and kicks at me.

Panic has set in. The crayons didn't work. My eyes scan the table and land on the Oreo cookie that came with his kid's meal.... for a split second I entertain the idea of shoving it in his mouth. Anything to get him to stop screaming!

I try to take charge of the situation, "Little Man!" I reach for him planning on pulling him up into a sitting position at least.

"NO - insert my name here -" he kicks at me again and is still screaming at the top of his lungs.

All of a sudden we hear a firm voice that makes us both freeze, "LITTLE MAN!"

I don't know if I got out of the booth or if Hollywood pulled him up and past me but the next thing I know she has him in her arms and is marching toward the restroom a very stern look on her face.

The hole ordeal in reality only lasted about two minutes.......... but to me it had felt like at least thirty.

I had become one of those people. The person who could not control the kid in public. Yes all eyes were on me. Some were looks of sympathy, some of understanding, and others of disbelief.

Granted he wasn't my kid but these people didn't know that.

I met the eyes of one couple close by that were still openly staring at me silently. I shrug my shoulders and apologize, "I'm so sorry! I didn't know what to do! He realized his mom was gone and he panicked!"

The lady starts laughing, "We thought you hit him!"

The waitress chooses to finally return with our change. I apologize to her, and everybody that I pass on the way out the door. I am so embarrassed and this has officially gone on record as one of my top 3 most embarrassing moments.

As we walk to the car Hollywood says "Little Man you owe E an apology."

"I'm sorry....." he says in his little voice, his face still tear-streaked from the spanking he received in the bathroom.

"What are you sorry for?" She demands.

"I sorry I was ugly."

"And..."

"I sorry I kicked you E," he responds, "I wuv you."

Yeah how can you stay mad at that?

But seriously.... in that situation I had no clue what to do!! And he knew it, I tell ya kids can sense fear.

Ross, "You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!"

~ FRIENDS ~