My Jacob

I, like every other female in America, am thoroughly addicted to the Twilight Saga. Love it! Love it! Love it!!! As I turn the pages of Eclipse I realize I may not have found my Edward but I have found my Jacob. Ah Jacob you can't help but love him and yet pity him all the same time. For all of us I am sure have loved someone that we know will never quite feel the same way in return.

While reading New Moon, something had tugged at the back of my mind ~ a connection I was unable to make. But as I read Eclipse it dawned on me; I realized who Jacob was. Trouble was my Jacob. The best guy friend who is always there for you. I love Trouble and I tend to refer to him as my rock ~ the one guy in my life I know I can count on. After X moved out it was Trouble that called me daily to check on me (I think he was afraid I would have a breakdown). It was Trouble that I cried to. It was Trouble who gave me advice from a guy's perspective. It was Trouble I shared my doubts and fears with. It was Trouble who helped Vivi and I put the house back together.

Since Trouble has let me know time and time again that he would like to be more than friends. And I have let him know time and time again that I just can't risk losing him if it didn't work out. Selfish on my part - perhaps. But it's the truth, I value his friendship to much. When Edward left it was Jacob that Bella turned to. X was no Edward by any means but Trouble was the one that when I feared being alone came over and watched movies with me and kept me company.

He promises me that I will never lose him, a promise that even thru some difficult situations he has kept. Our friendship has survived a lot over the years. But at least monthly he brings up the possibility of "us". Just last week he sent the message, "Unlike you I think we would be good together."

He is not as serious as Jacob, I don't think, thank goodness. But like Bella I to love my Jacob. He will always hold a place in my heart, I'm just afraid it'll never be the place he would like to hold.

Sucks that is the way it is. Because I to have been Jacob. Having feelings for a friend you know only sees you as a friend. I mean haven't we all? Ah the complications of life and love.

Ok.... Enough rambling got to get back to Eclipse, 200 pages to go.

"It’s not like love at first sight, really. It’s more like… gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it’s not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that’s a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother."

~ Jacob Black, Eclipse ~