Thursday, December 18, 2008

Sleeping With The Enemy

Last night as I hit "publish post" my phone goes off and of course it's Big. He invites me over, which he also had earlier and I declined. But as I listened to the rain coming down outside I think how nice it would be to curl up next to someone. I glance at the clock.... it's late..... and I'm already in my pajama's but what the hell. I tell him that if I come over I'm staying the night and with that I grab an overnight bag and head out the door. I arrive at the house to find the boys (Big, Don Juan, and another friend) all sitting on the front porch. For December and despite the rain in the air it is rather warm out. I grab a beer out of the fridge and join them on the porch. Big grabs my hand and pulls me down onto his lap where he wraps his arms around me hugging me tight. I sit there and we laugh as friend asks what his chances may be with the newly single Vixen. The conversation drifts and topics are quickly covered. After about thirty minutes my droopy eyes must have given away how tired I really was. With a nudge from Big I stand up as he tells the other two we are going to bed. I head toward the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, you know the nightly before bed routine. I enter the bedroom to find him already in bed and I am pleased to see he has put my favorite pillow on my side of the bed and fluffed it and the other pillow up for me. Yes I have to have two pillows. I climb into bed next to him scooting closer to the middle and the warmth of his body. He wraps his arms around me; my back comfortably pressed against his chest.

I close my eyes and listen to the rain coming down harder now outside. The dark of the room envelopes us like a cocoon and I feel myself settle in as I inhale and exhale with the rise and fall of his chest. It really is a comfort zone. I don't know how else to put it. When I am with him there is no other place I'd rather be. I always feel so safe and protected from the outside world; almost as if nothing bad can happen to me. I guess it's that comfort that always sends me running back to him. After every failed relationship I gather the pieces of my heart and run to him knowing that he will wrap me in his arms and with a soft kiss on the forehead he mends my heart and eases my pain.

I lay awake for sometime thinking about the situations I seem to get myself into. I honestly have no clue what I'm doing or if I am making the right decisions. But sometimes perhaps its best to just live in the moment. I snuggled down into the covers my movement causing him to stir ever so slightly ~ just long enough for him to sigh and squeeze me, then the soft snores resumed.

This morning there were no alarm clocks sounding, no rushing to get ready, for the first time neither of us had anywhere to be and could enjoy our day off by sleeping in. We awoke early but then quickly drifted back to sleep, dozing in and out until finally the light coming thru the blinds insisted it time we get up. A glance at the clock showed it to be ten so we lay there and talked for a bit. Laughing at each other and the things we had done over the years. He told me of his most recent relationship and asked about Fire Guy. I'm not one to kiss and tell so the details I provided were few and sparse. As we lay there laughing at each other I couldn't help but realize this was perhaps why we always come back. Around him I can always be myself and don't have to try to pretend to be somebody I'm not. He turned on the TV and I lay there my head on his chest as we watched the remainder of I Am Legend. Once it was over I reluctantly pulled myself out of bed. Even though I had the day off my to do list was much to long to lay around all day.

Wouldn't it be nice if time would just stand still? What moment would you chose to be stuck in? Sometimes you just want to be with the one that can make you laugh.

Carrie, "What do you want?"
Mr. Big, "Why don’t we save time and you just tell me what I want?"
~ SATC ~

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