Monday, December 1, 2008

I'm Always Your Last Call

Like any other night I was at home doing the everyday things one does at home; washing clothes, playing with Hyper, getting ready to cook diner, etc. This morning I had awoken to snow blanketing the ground so I decided to put off my errands till tomorrow and had enjoyed a day inside. Here in the south we don't get snow very often, so when we do it's a big production. In that schools close and everybody uses it as an excuse to stay home. I tell you all this so that you understand by early evening I was feeling slightly restless. From the other room I heard my cell phone go off. I pick it up to find I have three new text messages..... apparently I didn't hear it go off the first two times........ I hit view to discover all three messages.............. are from............ Big. He asks about my day and what I'm doing. I reply and the messages go back and forth then that all familiar question comes across..... "are you dating anyone". The last we spoke mind you I had told him someone had asked me on a date and that was that. So I reply honestly and tell him no. Then that old familiar invitation arrived, the one inviting me to come over. I wait before responding. I told myself I would never step foot in that house again. But after being cooped up inside all day I'm a little stir crazy, and perhaps against my better judgement I respond yes.

As I run the brush threw my hair Lee Ann Womack's I'm Always Your Last Call, plays in my head. Cause no matter what I'm always Big's last call. So despite my better judgement I bundle up and head out in the cold to make the even shorter drive from mom's house to Big's. My house was about five minutes from his and mom's is about two. I arrive and find Don Juan, Big, Big's younger brother (who we'll call Lil Bro) and friend all gathered around in the basement hanging out. Big's brother estatic to see me runs up and picks me up in a gigantic hug. I love Lil Bro! I take a seat and become invovled in the conversation. Big scoots his chair over next to mine and places his arm around my shoulder. My fence is already very up at this point and I let the gesture go by unnoticed. After a few moments I excuse myself and go upstairs in search of something to drink. As I close the refrigerator I spin around to find Big right behind me, I had never heard him come up.

As if out of a movie he takes me in his arms and kisses me. I pull back surprised at this sudden new found affection. At my hesitation Big tells me he wants to talk. I follow him to his room where we have a seat. Normally I am a talker and all my friends can vouch for that but tonight I remained silent and allowed Big to do all the talking. After about thirty minutes he ended his little speach with a 'so maybe we should give it a go and see what happens.' I sat in stunned silence, wondering if I had heard him correctly.

"Did you hear me," he asks.
"Yes. Yes I did." I just sit there staring into his eyes looking for something that will tell me this time is different.
"Please say something....."

So I tell him my misgivings, and that maybe he is just panicing because he's about to leave for the military and wants to know he has someone to come home to. He assures me that that is not it, and as if to prove it he leans forward and kisses me again. This time I allow him to kiss me because even if for just a moment I want to believe all he has just said. Then he surprised me as we talked he quoted the Notebook (a movie I have not seen but now I feel I must). So I looked up the quote and he got it pretty word for word ~ "So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

Yes the other night I was debating weather I was a Carrie or a Charlottee but after tonight I know I am a Carrie. I am that hopeless romantic, that even though I know better I still always allow Mr. Big back into my life. I had told myself the last time was it. After another hour of heart to hearts I told him to really think about all he was saying and that I was no longer interested in hearing empty promises. We discussed how we always come back to each other and when I told him I never expected to be here with him again he seemed surprised, "You know as well as I do with us it's never really over."

In the end I told him to think about everything, even if he needs a few days, than let me know if he really does wants to give it a try between us. He is leaving in the morning with the other three at the house to go to his family's beach condo for a week. In all honesty I don't expect to hear from him during this time. In answer to his question I said ok. But then again told him to think about it and if he decided he really wants to give us a shot we'll go from there or if he realizes he said all this in a panic of being alone that that was ok to and we would remain friends. As I rose to leave he caught my arm asking me to stay the night. I knew better though and despite the fact I would have loved nothing more than to stay I returned home.

I guess you could say I'm a little shocked. All those months ago I had longed to hear those words and know that I've heard them I worry they may not be real. Like always only time will tell. But like Carrie I'm afraid for better or worse Big will always play a part in the story that is my life.

"I'll see you Sunday night. Don't disappoint us. And by us, I mean you and me."
~ Carrie to Mr. Big, SATC ~


phoebe said...

a) wow!
b) you've never seen the notebook? one of the greatest movies (and books) around!
c) i can't wait to see how this pans out.
d) what was going through your mind when he kissed you and poured his heart out?

jwriter said...

I'm all for romance, love, and taking chances, and although you don't know me or have to take my advice I'll just say be careful, guard your heart, and have fun cause life is too short. Like the previous poster said I want to see how this pans out, but I'm hoping for the best.