P.I.N.T --> This & That

Easter Weekend

Friday was beautiful - but I've already told you that - so after work I headed to the barn and proceeded to get horse ready for the show.

Were we ready? *Shake of head* Not really.

Have we been sticking to a strict practice routine? *Shake of head* Not really.

Thanks to all the rain that has plummeted the south in the past months practice had pretty much been on hold. Well that and the fact that I have been working crazy hours!

But as I told Vixen earlier that day when she asked if Horse and I were ready, "We are always ready."

Overly confident?

Perhaps.

But hey I believe that if you are confident and go in like you know what your doing you'll be fine.

So that is just what we did. And it worked. In one event we placed 4th out of 38 with a run of 10.6 seconds. In our other event we placed 6th out of 46 running an 8.6 seconds.

I was very pleased!

I arrived back at the barn shortly after 2a.m. and after taking care of Horse and settling her in for the night it was closer to 3 when I crawled in the bed.

Like most mornings the alarm went off to early. But then again it was Saturday and I had to much to do.

First on the list was lunch with Lil Bro. Lil Bro is in the Army and Stationed what seems like forever away!! But he was home for the weekend and I was anxious to see him. So I met him and his girlfriend for a quick lunch and catch up session.

Afterward I picked up a cake, balloons, and ice cream and headed for Babbles house. April is my month for showers. This being the first in a what will be a long month. Conscious's Baby shower.

It went good, Conscious received nice gifts and many things she needed.

Throwing this shower made me realize that me and my friends are not quite as organized as we used to be..... Like me several of the others (ahem Giggles and Vixen) had waited till the last minute to get some of the necessities for the shower.

We may not have it all together but let me tell we can pull anything off. And we did - and no one was the wiser.

Saturday was another horse show. But I had Easter plans with the Family so couldn't stay out that late. So instead of participating I went to watch Vixen and show support. Vixen's class was at 7..... which would have made mine be around 11:30.

Yeah. Not fair. lol

Sunday was Easter and my mom and I went to my Grandparents (dad's parents) for the day.

It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed spending the day with them. Each year my family (close family) seems to become smaller. First my Grandma, then Dad, and last Grandpa. Now it is just the four of us - and soon to be Marine.

But I love my little family, and I look forward to Marine becoming a part of it.

Hope everyone had a HAPPY EASTER!

Memorial Day Weekend ~ Part 2

June 3 ~ I started writing this a week ago and I'm sure it had a point and was going somewhere but way to many things have happened since for me to even remotely remember what that was! Oh well posting anyway.

Continued......



So after being puzzled by my conversation with Marine2 I sat thru a wonderful church service that was about forgiving and moving on. During which I got several pointed looks from Vixen. The looks relate to that X and I spoke this last week, he had heard about the accident and well like always it snowballed from there. As always it was nice to talk with him but it left me with some remorse. Perhaps I will always wish things had turned out differently. Oh well



After church Vixen and I headed to the lake house to meet up with Blondie, Babbles, and Babbles Hubs, along with other family and friends. The day was fun, laying on the dock and riding in the boat. The water was way to cold to wakeboard though!


Monday (Memorial Day) we headed south for a concert. In attendance was myself, Vixen, Vivi, Giggles, Giggles Fiance, and Lil Bro. Lil Bro leaves in two weeks for Army basic training. So in the meantime I am trying to spend as much time as possible with him. I can't beleive he is grown up enough to join the Army. In my eyes he will always be that 10 year old little boy who thought I had cooties!

Thank you to everyone who serves or has served for our Country!!!

Happy Memorial Day!!
~ E ~

Just Say No

I had never been addicted to anything. Well except maybe Dr. Pepper. But him. Yes I was addicted. Every fiber in my body screamed out longing for his touch, his embrace. But my mind... my mind said to stay away. It's a battle, one that no matter what I do some part of me is losing. As my phone went off part of me screamed just say no, but the other part could hear Vivi's voice telling me you only live once. Snow was predicted and the boys, being bored and feeling adventurous, had piled in the Jeep and were bout to hit the dirt roads that wind up in the mountains. The message was an invitation to join them. The later part won out and in less than half a second I had accepted the invitation and was told they were on the way to get me. Frantically I exchanged my pajamas for jeans and sweatshirt also pulling on my thick jacket and wrapping a scarf around my neck as I headed for the door.

I stepped out into the bright moonlight feeling the excitement in the air. Wedged in the back of Lil Bro's Jeep were Don Juan and GuyFriend, Big was in the passenger seat and Lil Bro was behind the wheel. Big climbed out and pulled the seat forward so I could climb in the back seat but a quick glance confirmed there was no way I would be able to fit back there with the good sized guys grinning back at me. With a sigh I climbed into the front and positioned myself half on the console half on Big's lap ~ wedged firmly between Lil Bro and Big. I know this was not the safest place for me to sit but going 10 miles an hour up a dirt road I decided it would be ok this once.

We made our way slowly up the mountain all of us singing along with the radio at the top of our lungs. I couldn't help but laugh at the 5 of us. The happiness in the air was contagious, all of us smiling. I love hanging with the guys. Half way up the mountain we stopped at an overlook. We all piled out into the cold night air marveling at the beauty around us, the mountain peaks visible in the moonlight. I shivered despite my layers, my teeth chattering. Big came up behind me opening his jacket pulling me against him and into the open jacket which he then wrapped around me. I started to warm up ignoring the danger sirens going off in my head. After a few moments the cold finally got the better us and we piled back into the Jeep cranking the heat up. Big wrapped his arms around me trying to help me warm up as my teeth continued to chatter. The chattering eventually ceased yet his arms remained wrapped tightly around me. Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight comes on the radio and it is turned up, all of us once again singing. Big leans over to kiss me on the cheek.




As we continue up the mountain the snow starts to fall, beautiful tiny flakes floating down from the sky. The ground is slightly dusted making the dark forest surrounding us appear clean and untarnished. The further we go the thicker the snow on the ground gets, as a precaution the Jeep is put in 4-wheel drive and we continue. No specific destination in mind just riding and enjoying the beautiful night and the great company. Lil Bro and I participate in conversation and I thank him for letting me tag along. "Don't thank me, thank Big. I always want to invite you." I turn to Big to say thanks but before I can he says with a smile, "I knew this would be something you would love." He was right I had never been up the mountain in the snow, the snow adding a magical timeless feeling to the air. I was glad I had decided to come.


As I smiled at him he leaned over and kissed me. I pulled back. I had meant it before when I said just friends. But when it comes to Big it seems I still have not learned how to say no. I'm addicted. "Just kiss me," He whispers squeezing me with the one arm he has around me and turning my face slowly toward his with the other hand. I hesitate. Every fiber in my body wants to kiss him. But I know better. But like an addict I am in desperate need of a hit. He pulls my face closer I lightly kiss him then quickly pull back. Like a flame knowing if I touch him to long I will get burned. He chuckles to himself as I am sure he is aware even in the dim light of my cheeks flushing. He knows I'm not much for public affection. At one point in the ride during other conversations where no one but him understands what I'm saying he says, "I speak E." Everyone laughs including me as I realize he does know me way to well.


We have been riding in the mountains for several hours at this point, reluctantly Lil Bro turns the Jeep around and we head back for home. In the warmth and comfort of Big's arms sleep quickly washes over me. As if in a haze I can hear their voices around me but the darkness is to thick and warm to break out of. It felt like only minutes but in reality I knew it was several hours later Big gently shakes me awake as he climbs out of the Jeep trying to balance himself as well as me. He sits my feet on the ground and I realize we are not at my house..... "I thought you might want to stay the night...." he trails off. I'm cold and know I need to go home despite the late (or early hour). But I don't feel like participating in that battle so grudgingly I allow him to pull me by the hand toward the house.


I grab one of his t-shirts and quickly slide it on and climb into bed. This morning the alarm went off all to soon as it always tends to do on nights I stay with him. I had been sleeping so good. For some reason I always tend to sleep better when I'm with him. I've always been one of those sleepers that don't want a guy to touch me while I'm sleeping. I want my space. I have my side of the bed. You have yours. But for some reason its always been different with Big. We seem to sleep as one, rolling when the other does. As I pull myself out of the deep sleep I feel an intense burning in my throat. It feels like it is on fire! Great I think to myself as I try to speak to wake Big up and hear the raspy voice that comes out. Ugh. "My throat hurts!" I whine. He reaches to pull me close to him as he tries to wake up. He goes to speak and stops, "ugh mine to." I lay there a moment then head to the kitchen hoping a class of water will help. As I take a sip if feels like I am swallowing sand as the water hurts going down. Damn cool night air! My body aches, my head throbs and I decided I am in need of a day off. I have not taken a sick day in over 6 months and I had worked Monday on my day off but still I felt slightly guilty as I called in sick. After hanging up the phone I crawled back into bed telling Big I wasn't going into work. He pulled me close wrapping the covers tightly around me and I quickly fell back to sleep.


How to break the addiction? I know it starts with not hanging out with him. But that is so hard to do because hanging out with him always guarantees a fun time. I enjoying his company and I enjoy the laughter it brings with it. I will try to adhere to my better judgement in the future but they say never regret anything that made you happy. This month I think I can chalk my carefree tendencies up to the one year anniversary of the loss of a friend. She was killed in a car wreck. She was to young to be called to heaven just yet. In honor of her I feel like I need to live life to fullest as she always did. Perhaps that's why I went. Either way I need to break the addiction. Cause when you are doing something you don't even want to tell your friends about, I'd say its time you admit you have a problem. Is there A Big Anonymous?

"I did know this – every second I spent with her was only going to add to the pain I would have to suffer later. Like a junkie with a limited supply, the day of reckoning was coming for me. The more hits I took now, the harder it would be when my supply ran out."

~ Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn ~

I'm Always Your Last Call

Like any other night I was at home doing the everyday things one does at home; washing clothes, playing with Hyper, getting ready to cook diner, etc. This morning I had awoken to snow blanketing the ground so I decided to put off my errands till tomorrow and had enjoyed a day inside. Here in the south we don't get snow very often, so when we do it's a big production. In that schools close and everybody uses it as an excuse to stay home. I tell you all this so that you understand by early evening I was feeling slightly restless. From the other room I heard my cell phone go off. I pick it up to find I have three new text messages..... apparently I didn't hear it go off the first two times........ I hit view to discover all three messages.............. are from............ Big. He asks about my day and what I'm doing. I reply and the messages go back and forth then that all familiar question comes across..... "are you dating anyone". The last we spoke mind you I had told him someone had asked me on a date and that was that. So I reply honestly and tell him no. Then that old familiar invitation arrived, the one inviting me to come over. I wait before responding. I told myself I would never step foot in that house again. But after being cooped up inside all day I'm a little stir crazy, and perhaps against my better judgement I respond yes.

As I run the brush threw my hair Lee Ann Womack's I'm Always Your Last Call, plays in my head. Cause no matter what I'm always Big's last call. So despite my better judgement I bundle up and head out in the cold to make the even shorter drive from mom's house to Big's. My house was about five minutes from his and mom's is about two. I arrive and find Don Juan, Big, Big's younger brother (who we'll call Lil Bro) and friend all gathered around in the basement hanging out. Big's brother estatic to see me runs up and picks me up in a gigantic hug. I love Lil Bro! I take a seat and become invovled in the conversation. Big scoots his chair over next to mine and places his arm around my shoulder. My fence is already very up at this point and I let the gesture go by unnoticed. After a few moments I excuse myself and go upstairs in search of something to drink. As I close the refrigerator I spin around to find Big right behind me, I had never heard him come up.

As if out of a movie he takes me in his arms and kisses me. I pull back surprised at this sudden new found affection. At my hesitation Big tells me he wants to talk. I follow him to his room where we have a seat. Normally I am a talker and all my friends can vouch for that but tonight I remained silent and allowed Big to do all the talking. After about thirty minutes he ended his little speach with a 'so maybe we should give it a go and see what happens.' I sat in stunned silence, wondering if I had heard him correctly.

"Did you hear me," he asks.
"Yes. Yes I did." I just sit there staring into his eyes looking for something that will tell me this time is different.
"Please say something....."

So I tell him my misgivings, and that maybe he is just panicing because he's about to leave for the military and wants to know he has someone to come home to. He assures me that that is not it, and as if to prove it he leans forward and kisses me again. This time I allow him to kiss me because even if for just a moment I want to believe all he has just said. Then he surprised me as we talked he quoted the Notebook (a movie I have not seen but now I feel I must). So I looked up the quote and he got it pretty word for word ~ "So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

Yes the other night I was debating weather I was a Carrie or a Charlottee but after tonight I know I am a Carrie. I am that hopeless romantic, that even though I know better I still always allow Mr. Big back into my life. I had told myself the last time was it. After another hour of heart to hearts I told him to really think about all he was saying and that I was no longer interested in hearing empty promises. We discussed how we always come back to each other and when I told him I never expected to be here with him again he seemed surprised, "You know as well as I do with us it's never really over."

In the end I told him to think about everything, even if he needs a few days, than let me know if he really does wants to give it a try between us. He is leaving in the morning with the other three at the house to go to his family's beach condo for a week. In all honesty I don't expect to hear from him during this time. In answer to his question I said ok. But then again told him to think about it and if he decided he really wants to give us a shot we'll go from there or if he realizes he said all this in a panic of being alone that that was ok to and we would remain friends. As I rose to leave he caught my arm asking me to stay the night. I knew better though and despite the fact I would have loved nothing more than to stay I returned home.

I guess you could say I'm a little shocked. All those months ago I had longed to hear those words and know that I've heard them I worry they may not be real. Like always only time will tell. But like Carrie I'm afraid for better or worse Big will always play a part in the story that is my life.

"I'll see you Sunday night. Don't disappoint us. And by us, I mean you and me."
~ Carrie to Mr. Big, SATC ~