You've Got To Be Kidding Me

Apparently there is a tattoo somewhere on my forehead that only guys can see. I think it says Sucker..... or something along those lines. Anyone know how I can get that off???


Last night I was working at Sports Bar and my phone goes off. It was Cute Smile Guy calling but I was to hectic to answer. A minute later I get a text asking what I'm doing. Way to busy to reply anything lengthily I send back a quick "I'm at Sports Bar". About thirty minutes later he and his friend show up. I smile slightly surprised and pause for a moment to talk with him. He asked if I wanted to get a drink when I got off work. I accepted the offer and told him I'd call him.

Fast forward.....

When I get off work I call him and he tells me he is at another bar down the street. A girl friend that works with me at Sports Bar, and I head over to meet up with him and his friend. Upon arrival of course I have to make the rounds saying hi to everyone, and then finally make my way to his table. We talk for a minute then Girl Friend pulls me away in conversation with someone else. As I turn back to Cute Smile Guy he motions to an empty stool beside him. I sit down and we talk a moment, then he says "I need to be honest with you." Not sure where this is going, "Ok....." He then proceeds to tell me he has a girlfriend. Yes you heard me right. He tells me its over, they both know its over but that due to a lease that has not yet run out the situation is a little complicated.


Go freaking figure. At this point I really don't know what to say. But that's ok the part of me that doesn't think before the words come flowing out apparently knows exactly what to say, "So if you have a girlfriend why did you call? Why did you ask me to hang out?"


He proceeds to tell me he was attracted to me and thought I was a nice a girl and wanted to get to know me. Then he basically chalked us meeting up as bad timing. I tell him I appreciate his honesty. Meanwhile having the internal debate if it was a good thing he was honest.... I mean he's from out of town if he hadn't told me the chances of me finding out really weren't that high. Or was he a scumbag for calling in the first place? "When I'm single can I call you?" He asks. The debate still going on in my head I'm not sure what to say. "Maybe," that's the best I could do thinking that if he called then I would decide if I would answer or not. He apologizes profusely. I tell him I'm not mad. We talk a minute longer and then I do what any wise girl would do; I ran like hell!


I'm about to leave when a ghost from the past comes up behind me and wraps me in a bear hug. I turn to see a familiar face that I have not seen in well over a year. Growing up he was always my bodyguard, that great guy friend that always made sure I was taken care of. And probably one of the reasons I didn't date much in High School, now that I come to think about it. Anyway he was my friend first but once X and I started dating I kinda forced BG and X to be friends. Which they did. After X and I split BG was one of the ones I lost touch with. So he was a great sight for sore eyes. I tell him I'm leaving which he quickly dismisses as he hands me the beer he has already ordered for me. We sit and talk, catching up and laughing about old times. He tells me his girlfriend is out on a girls night so he came out with some of his guy friends. I'm thrilled to hear him and his girlfriend are doing well because I always thought they were well suited and besides myself she is probably the only girl on earth that could put up with him!!

I stayed longer than I intended and a quick glance at the clock told me it was past time to head home. BG walked me to car, I thank him for the drink, and with a hug I was gone. During the drive home I think about the night and how much of a disappointment Cute Smile Guy had been. Oh well strike one.

Once home I'm in bed and nearly asleep when my phone goes off. It's a text from BG, "you really make me think about what I want in life I have been after you for at least eight years sometimes I feel like we are destined for one another but I don't want it to be as simple as 'thanx for the drink' I feel like we have something more....." (It goes on but you get the gist). I stare at the display in shock. I never knew he had feelings for me. I thought we were just friends. I mean that's all we've ever been. Looking back I can see the times when he may have insinuated wanting more but at the time I never realized it.

Me: "I don't know what to say....."
BG: "Me either I have a good thing goin but I feel like it could be better with you."

I still don't know what to say. Growing up I always had tons of guy friends and they were just that, guy friends. Or at least that is what I thought. But within the past 6 months now 3 of the them have admitted to having feelings for me at one point or another. What gives? And why the hell is it that apparently every guy that has a girlfriend is now attracted to me???? I'm not that kinda girl. But really Cute Smile Guy and BG both admitting feelings for me in one night both having girlfriends. I did the right thing and walked away, but I can't help but wander if this is some test to my karma or something. Can't I just find a nice, cute, single guy?? There are still some of those out there, right??

"The misery! The exquisite tragedy! The Susan Hayward of it all!"

~ George, My Best Friend's Wedding ~

The Crackberry

I have always been a "tech" savy gal. But the love for my Sony w810i has kept me from updating and joining the modern cell phone world. I should mention I worked in the cell phone industry for 8 years so I know my phones! Also lack of funds have kept me from updating. But thanks to my great connections I now have joined the darkside and am typing this from my new blackberry. I refused to join the crackberry forces for some time now but must admit pretty neat thus far.I warn you this convience may lead to future drunken posts.... Consider yourself warned!! Lol

Lemon Law

Why is it human nature to want what we can't have? Or better yet why is it that we get what we don't want? Or many want is a strong word.... perhaps need would be more appropriate. Why is it we get what we don't need?

As I've said before I live in a rather small town. One in which everyone knows everyone, or so it seems at times. So what do you do when you live in a small town and someone asks you out that you really don't want to go out with? I mean I know these guys (yes this is plural), we've grown up together. They're nice.... just I don't know.... not really my type. For the past few weeks I have had two guys asking me out. They are both nice guys.... the problem is they are in the friend box. Meaning I just don't look at them in that way. I see them as just that - friends.

But if I turn them down will it mean every time I see them out (which I will) it will be weird and not as it is now? Or do I go on a date with them and then everytime I see them after that avoid them cause I really don't want to go out again??? I mean if this were a big city I'd say what the hell and go because chances of seeing them would not be as high. But one I see nearly once a week as it is. I'm way to nice and don't like to hurt people's feelings. So far (luckily) I always have plans for when they ask me out. But what happens when the day comes I don't already have plans?

I think my new rule needs to be ~ only date people from out of town!!!

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I'm thankful to be asked out (I guess). It's just I really don't want to hurt either of their feelings!! And why is it then the guys you don't really want to call do and the ones you want to call don't? Take Cute Smile Guy (the stranger I gave my number to) yeah he called!! He left a message. Taking Vixen's advice I decided to wait and call back the next day, she said if I called back right away I'd look desperate. So I call back.... leave message.... never hear back. Damn dating games! Maybe I can envoke the "Lemon Law"...... hmmm......

"You know what the dating world needs? A "Lemon Law.""

~ Barney, How I Met Your Mother ~

[ The Lemon law for dating was created by Barney when he realized that the world of dating needed a way to easily exit a date that clearly would not go well. The lemon law must be engaged within the first five minutes of the date by informing the other partner that they have been "lemon lawed" or "I'm going to have to lemon law you". The person being lemon lawed understands that there is no hard feelings and their participation is appreciated. ]

(taken from Wikipedia)

Girl's Night

Let me start off by saying it's great to have a cosmetologist for a best friend! Saturday night as we get ready to go out Blondie takes over and with a few sweeps of her magic makeup brush and some swipes with a straightener I am transformed into a sleek, single goddess. For the Girls Night Out it was Blondie, Vivi, and myself and with Vixen MIA this weekend Alice was thrilled to take her ticket. We arrived at the club, the line to get in was backed up down the sidewalk, people huddled close together trying to stay warm from the cold night air. Looking at the line and the people waiting to get in I was thrilled we would not be joining it. As we walked past the line and straight to the door Blondie gave the guy her name, quick scan at the list, and we were in. So far, so good! The night is still a little early but the place is already swarming with people. We are served drinks and we wander around checking out the place ~ within the club there are 5 bars, each strategically placed so that it is always convenient to order a drink.

Vodka/Redbull in hand I follow my girls out on the dance floor. The night passes quickly and the drinks go down way to easy. The celeb of the night arrived and we had a chance to meet her briefly. An interesting point in the night but far from the highlight....

At one point in the night Blondie spots this guy with a huge Afro, laughing she says we have to get a picture with him. Not being the one afraid to talk to anyone she beelines towards him and his friends where after some conversation Blondie, Vivi, and I posed with him for a quick pic.

Mingling I spoke with a lot of different people, one guy in particular was relentless actually seeming interested and asking questions. At first glance he didn't seem my type (his friend sure did though! ( So @ 24 this made me think of your posts and if this is what you go thru I'm sorry!!!) but heck thus far my type has not been so nice to me. So in my stupor (this was several drinks later) I participate to the best of my ability in conversation. Vivi and Blondie said I had the beer goggles on. Alice said he was cute. When in doubt take a pic so you can decide later! Which is what I did. And since his worthiness was up for debate when asked for my number I went ahead and gave my real number (when in doubt I give Vixen's..... she used to do this to me all the time and now its time for paybacks on my part!). After reviewing the pictures I think the guy is not as bad as Vivi and Blondie made it out to be. But we all have our own tastes so to each their own.

Overall it was a fun night! And due to sleep deprivation this post is probably not as entertaining as it should be! Hyper did not understand though this morning at the crack of dawn when I tried to explain patiently to her I required more sleep. Head spinning I peak open an eye to find her sitting on my chest a toy in her mouth. Still feeling slightly intoxicated I try to coax her back to sleep. She won't have it demanding to go outside. 30 minutes later I crawl back in bed and turn on the TV. Hyper sits in the middle of the bed watching as FRIENDS comes on the screen. Yes she likes to watch TV. As the episode comes on she lays down and is soon back to sleep. I on the other hand cannot drift back off. Ahh the joys of having a puppy!

"If you are single there is always one thing you should take out with you on a Saturday night... your friends."

~ Carrie, SATC ~

VIP

This morning I get a text from Blondie, "Call ASAP!!!" Afraid something is wrong I drop everything I'm doing and quickly hit speed dial. She answers on the first ring, the excitement obvious in her voice.

Blondie, "What are you doing Saturday?"
Me, "Working....."
Blondie, "Well you gotta call in sick!"

She rambles on saying that on her way to school she heard a thing on the radio asking callers to call in to win a girls night out. Blondie called in and the radio station asked her to tell them why her and her girls needed a girls night out. She told them how she has just started back to school, how I am newly divorced, how Vixen and her fiance just split, and how Vivi has just gotten a promotion. She said that we are all so busy and so broke that we hardly ever have a chance to go out together.............. and she won!!

So Saturday the four of us are going out VIP style! A hot club and apparently several celebrities will also be joining us in the VIP section. Yeah I so should have bought those black heels......

What Goes Through Your Mind?

This is to funny not to share! And you know it's kinda-sorta-true (Click the image to see a larger pic)!

What goes through your mind when someone says "Lets go for a drink?"‏

Why, Why, Why

The past couple weeks X has been contacting me. It started off innocently enough with him requesting a copy of our last years tax's. But it didn't stop there. I mean really does it ever? He started sending me messages daily. Every morning telling me good morning and telling me he hopes I have a good day. Sometimes pointless trivial conversation. But sometimes the conversations turn to the coulda, shoulda's and I wish this or I wish that. He tells me he misses me, misses us. This is like a sucker punch to the stomach that sends me falling helplessly to my knees. "I still love you" comes across as another punch; one I see coming but still dazed from the last blow I can't seem to get out of the way. Then I, always glutton for punishment, asked him if he was over me.... his reply, "Honestly no, and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to move on but it feels like there is something I'm leaving unfinished. Like when you try to go on a trip but feel like you are forgetting something. If I was ready to move on with my life I don't think I would feel that way. It's just so confusing."

I feel myself falling to the ground, buckled over in pain from the blows, tears flowing freely. How can he say this? He's the one that has moved on.. the one that is already in a relationship with somebody else. I mean I've tested the waters. I've hung out with guys and went on dates, which I'm free to do. But I'm not in a relationship. And I'm not the one in a relationship telling him that I still love him. WTF?

I feel the anger stirring inside as I start to pull myself up off the ground. With a swift back hand motion I wipe the tears from my face. The heat of anger radiating off my face.

So let me get this straight... you love me? Yes. You miss me? Yes. But you don't want to be with me? You don't want to try and work things out? ~ Yeah makes whole hell-lot-of sense to me!

He tells me he doesn't feel certain either way... furrowing of brow..... well doesn't that mean you take time to yourself and figure it out? Of course not. That would make to much sense. Sense the sarcasm?

I want to know what the secret is for moving on? Someone must know! I sure as hell don't. Every time I try it seems I take two steps forward and three steps back. I'm doing good and then he contacts me (which he always does first). I just don't understand the reason why. I mean whats the point? He's moving on. He's dating someone else. Why tell me this? Why make me cry? He's happy why can't he let me try to move on and be happy? Instead it's like he keeps knocking my feet out from under me. Why won't he just let me let go? why? Why? WHY?

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

I talked to you the other day
Looks like you make your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I can't do the same

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

~ Faith Hill, Let Me Let Go ~

Walking in Heels

After an emotional weekend the girls (Vivi, Vixen, Blondie, Giggles) and myself decided we were in desperate need of a laugh and some mind-numbing entertainment. Bride Wars was the perfect escape! Definitely a must see with your girlfriends!

After the movie we decided to do a little shopping..... well they did shopping. I window shopped ~ something at which I have become a pro at. It sucks being broke and having to be a responsible adult! A transition that I am still trying to figure out.

Anyway back to shopping.

I'm having remorse..... usually you buy something and then have buyers remorse questioning if you should have bought the item or not. I on the other hand have remorse for not buying an item. Lately shoes have become my weakness (in the past it has always been purses). And not just any shoes, high heels.... which is so not me.

I want to be a high heel girl really I do, but lets face it I have always been a jean-tshirt-tennis-shoes kinda girl. Perhaps never feeling the need to empress; Or maybe the fact that I'm just a plain klutz has always led me to avoid heels. I mean I am the same girl that merely months ago did a swan dive when tripping over my own heels. In my current single status though I find myself being drawn to heels like a moth to a flame. Something about them just screams sexy!! {And I have become better at walking in them. :) }

So now I find myself trying to convert to a jeans and heels type of girl. I'm sorry I tend to drift back to shopping. My attention is quickly drawn to a black pair of Steve Madden's. I look and take it as a sign that they are in my size and there is only one pair. I quickly shed my tennis shoes and slide into the black heels. Perfect fit! I admire the view from this new height, I'm rather short so these give me quite a boast. I mean what is it about a great pair of heels that just make you feel more attractive? More confident? More "I can take on the world"? It's like magic.

I really want to take them home, but I think of all the bills I have so reluctantly I slip out of them and place them back on the shelf. This draws me to the conclusion that being an adult sucks! lol I mean wouldn't it be great if there was no such things as bills??!!

When I arrived home I saw the scratch off lottery tickets I received at Christmas sitting on my dresser. I haven't scratched them off yet. I was waiting for a day that I felt lucky. What the hell, I think as I grab a coin and start scratching. Out of 4 tickets I won 30 bucks and 2 free tickets!! Yahoo...... maybe I will go back and buy the heels..... did I mention they were on sale? Aahhh but alas I know it would be smarter to put the money towards other things; gas, food, rotating of tires on the 4runner. Yeah I miss being a carefree kid at times...... Maybe one of my 2 free tickets will strike it big, if so I will go on a shoe shopping spree ~ well after I pay off all my debt!

“If you haven't got it. Fake it! Too short? Wear big high heels, but do practice walking!"

~ Victoria Beckham ~

All To Soon

Sometimes people leave our lives all to soon. It's a cold hard fact. Sometimes they leave by choice. Sometimes it happens slowly overtime. And sometimes it's not up to us at all. Sometimes friends are taken from us, called to soon to the gates of heaven. A year ago I got the call........

It was late. I was already asleep. X had fallen asleep on the couch and I was awoken to his cell phone going off in the other room. I ignored it. I was snuggled warmly in the bed. As soon as the phone stopped ringing the home phone started ringing. Groggily I looked at the clock it was well after midnight. The caller id showed who it was and I assumed the late night call was because he was needing a DD. In my still half asleep state I reached for the phone. "Hello......." At the first words I was instantly awake and screaming for X. He appeared by the bedside worry evident on his face from my sudden outburst. As tears streamed down my face, unable to talk I handed him the phone. Fully awake now I had one thing on my mind as I rushed to my closet and threw on the first clothes I could get my hands on. Not carrying if I matched, hell I didn't even care if they were clean or dirty.

From the other room I heard the beep as X hung up the phone. It immediately rang again. In a small town news travels fast. As I sit here reliving that night all the emotions come back and I fight to hold the tears from spilling over.

A deer had jumped out in the road she had swerved to miss it, the front tire of the car going off the road. To avoid the ditch and the bank she had jerked the wheel, a natural reaction. The car flipped and went over the bank. As the driver she was ok. The two passengers were not. All three friends of mine, all to young to be called to heaven.

The driver was life lighted. I wanted to go to the hospital. I had to be there for her. I was told not to come. A decision that at the time was backed up by sound reasoning, but one I regret to this day. I should have went. I sat up all night fielding phone calls and questions. Waiting on the call that would tell me that this wreck would not claim the lives of all three friends. I mourned for the two already called home and prayed for the third to be allowed to stay a little longer.

A year later and the memories are still fresh. I remember her advice, her fun stories, the way she took care of me at a party when I had had to much to drink, and the way she always made anyone that was around her happy.

Tonight my friends I will gather to remember these two friends that left us all to soon. To be thankful for the times we had with them. But still the questions will go unspoken: "Why them?", "Why did it happen?", and the question that I know will cross one of my best friends mind "Why was I allowed to live and not them?" That is the hardest one of all. We are coming together to let her know we love her and we need her. I can only imagine what she is going thru.

(names have been left out of this post intentionally. God works in mysterious ways. Ways in which we may never understand. May they rest in peace.)

Delurking Week

As a fairly new blogger I had never heard of the term delurking, so as I read Working Girl I was a little surprised and intrigued. Delurking is the week that bloggers ask those who read their blogs but never comment (lurking) to throw caution to the wind and comment! So if you like my blog, hate my blog, or are maybe even just a little bit entertained by my blog let me know!! Feel free to ask questions or just tell me what you think. I promise I won't be offended :)

While at it I feel like I need to shout out to Phoebe, Jwriter & Cayman's Girl (who I miss and hope is settling in well) ~ I always enjoy reading your comments and sometimes I add my own comments back.... not sure if y'all can see this or not though so I wanted to thank you for everything ~ y'all are great blogger friends!

Also check out the new additions to my sidebar ~ I updated the top part, added a new about me page and made sure the Who's Who is updated.

Leave comments!!!...... please :)